One Ping Only

Another Auld Lang Spinster?

2011-12-31T14:18:00.001-08:00

I sat down last night with the intention of NOT waiting until the last day of the month to complete my December post. But then I got all introspective and down and sad and decided that it would have to wait until today after all. You're welcome.

I'm not feeling absolutely perky today or anything, however, because this time of year is (as it's so often said) difficult for those of us who have lost someone or who aren't in a special relationship; put the two together and it can be downright miserable. I'm not miserable, but neither am I brimming with that New Year joy that we all try so hard to achieve. I am simply turning the page on another calendar, just like the year before it, and pretty much the years before that.

I have managed to find happiness here and there in the last year, the first full year since my mom died, but it isn't at my disposal every day and I don't expect it to be. I'm just glad to know I've made and continue to make progress and I know it will get easier, at least in some respects. Sometimes, though, the days just stretch out in an endless progression of hours, minutes and seconds that don't really seem to change apart from the number on that calendar. Those are the hard days.

The good news is that is the case less often, and there are more times when things look brighter. I keep working toward making that the norm and not heading into the unhappy place my title would suggest, and I have great friends who keep me moving in the right direction. And for those friends, I promise to address the questions that were asked in the comments of my last post; it just wasn't in me today.

While I'm not really into celebrating this New Year, I do wish you all a happy one and I hope that it's filled with good things for us all. My wish is that a year from now I'll be more up for putting a bit more cheer into my end of year post. Like a friend and I always used to say, Hope Springs Eternal.

The Voice Didn't Stand A Chance

2011-11-29T11:52:00.000-08:00

My observational research tells me that either my no-shampoo routine is not nearly as interesting to people as my no-soap routine, or that Thanksgiving is a terrible day to publish a new blog post. Pride kind of demands I assume it is the latter. Whatever the case, I'm happy to be able to talk about these new ways of doing things in my life, whereas before I wasn't mentioning them because I wanted to get people's unbiased opinions and reactions.

This next one is a little different, though. This is something I haven't told a soul I was doing, for two very specific reasons: 1. I hate (HATE) talking about weight loss and "dieting" and I feel like that is what most people will take away from it, and 2. I don't like having anyone "monitor" what or when I eat unless I ask them to. And I'm not asking. :-) This is all on me.

So, for me, this really falls into the Operation Eleanor model of doing something that scares me because I know I'm opening myself up to comment on something for which I don't particularly seek comments. But hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained and all that, right?

Potentially Surprising Personal Revelation #3: I don't eat after 9pm.

Nothing, unless it's simply impossible to finish eating before that time, but absolutely nothing after 9:30pm. All I'll have is water, preferably as cold as I can make it, or sometimes hot tea. I've been doing this for six months and although it wasn't easy at the start, I can count on one hand the number of times I've breached the rule and only one of those times was a moment of complete forgetfulness. The results have been really positive, so I have no plans to change what I'm doing.

Why am I doing this? This will require a little personal back story. In case you don't know me in "real life," I'm overweight and have been since I was child. I've never been a big one for diets because I'm convinced they don't work plus I just get bored. I'm not a real fan of exercise, though I do enjoy walking and hiking; I just don't do them enough. I have something called Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), which makes it easy to gain weight, and a sluggish thyroid, which makes it difficult to lose weight. Diabetes has been a health threat that looms over me, given my weight and family history, but I've never had that come to pass. What I do have, however, are high triglycerides. They have been a little high when tested in the past, but nothing serious. By May, however, they had shot up to over 400 mg/dL, more than double what's considered the normal range.

I felt like I was on a fast track to a heart attack, so I decided to act but, being me, I wanted to do it my way and on my terms. I took a good hard look at what I was eating, what exercise I was (or wasn't) getting, what I was willing to do and what, realistically, I felt I could do. I love food and I don't think life is worth living if I have to deprive myself of things I really want to enjoy, so I needed to figure something out that would let me eat what I want, but help lower my triglycerides. I decided that it was pretty much the late-night snacking out of boredom that was hurting me the most. I live alone and that's the time of day when I feel the lack of someone special in my life most keenly, and I used to let myself "eat my feelings," as they say.

I actually have a lot of willpower (when I choose to exercise it!), but it's a lot harder to stop once I've started snacking than it is to simply not start snacking. It's too easy to say, "Just one more..." and let that turn into a dozen "one mores." So I had to pick a reasonable time and make it an iron-clad rule not to eat anything after that time had passed. I found that the more I exercised the willpower needed to make this work, the easier it was to exercise it at other times during the day. I snack, in general, very little during the day now.

I've pretty much managed to change my relationship with food and, while I haven't quite mastered the art of conscious eating, I'm a lot closer to it than I used to be. This is different than dieting, because I'm making the rules and they are ones I can live with, long-term. I eat when I'm hungry, not just because the clock says it's time to eat, and I don't let myself eat out of boredom; I don't deprive myself of the treats I really want, I just limit them a lot more; I try not to eat full portions at dinner when eating at a restaurant, because usually half a meal is more than enough and I get a second meal out of the leftovers; and I have tried to slow down when I eat, in order to really enjoy what I'm eating -- this has proved to be the hardest for me because I don't like eating hot food when it gets cold, I don't get up early enough to have a real breakfast every day and, because I'm eating less, I'm really hungry at mealtimes!

There's more, but I think you get the idea. So, what has the result been? In the first three months, I slashed my triglycerides almost in half. They were still above the normal range when tested, but a hell of a lot closer to normal than they have been in years. I've lost 25 pounds, though I have also tried to increase my exercise by walking more, I just don't do it consistently. I've learned that I can survive the feeling of hunger and I don't need to feed The Voice every time it pipes up. (Remember this post? That was the day I started this.) I've re-learned something important I found out a decade ago but managed to forget: Just because something is delicious doesn't mean you have to eat it until it's gone; the last cookie isn't any more delicious than the first one, so enjoy the first one to the fullest (or, okay, the second one, too) and you don't need to finish the pack.

Have questions? Fire away. But first, it's time for lunch. I'm hungry!

(Not) In A Lather

2011-11-24T08:00:00.000-08:00

I'm running out of days in November, so if I'm going to get this done, I'd best get to it. And, really, what better day to post than Thanksgiving? Most of America has little better to do today than eat copious amounts of food, watch football on TV and surf the Internet!

In addition to being Thanksgiving in the US, today is also my 44th birthday. Yay me! Some days, I'm not entirely sure how I got to this point in my life and other times, it just seems so right. A dichotomy of life, I suppose.

On to the business at hand. I'd like to thank everyone who commented on my last post. It was gratifying to not only have people be interested in what I had to share, but offer to deal with anyone who gave me crap. No one did, so I think you scared them away. I expected some questions but got none, though I did get some other great ideas, including a bunch of natural beauty ideas from Mary; go check them out if you didn't see them! This time around it's a related item that was alluded to in the comments, so this one may not come as much of a surprise.

Potentially (Less-)Surprising Personal Revelation #2: I don't use shampoo on my hair.

This is a change I made almost three months ago. Once the no-soap thing worked so well, I started looking at the other products I used and that we're exhorted at every turn to spend money on. Shampoo quickly bubbled (ha) to the surface as something I needed to re-evaluate. Some bloggers refer to this as "No 'Poo" but, personally, I can't stand that particular phrase. I'm just shampoo-free.

The most common substitutes I found were apple cider vinegar and baking soda, as well as some herbal preparations. The more research I did, though, the clearer it became that baking soda was going to be the most effective for cleansing, which my generally oily hair would definitely need. At first, though, I went overboard and simply used too much, too often, and it dried the crap out of my hair. This was remedied by one deep-conditioning treatment and then I resumed with a more reasonable proportion of baking soda.

What works for me is one tablespoon of baking soda mixed into one cup of warm water. Before I get in the shower, I just put two tablespoons in a measuring cup (I have this great, flexible one-cup kind that I highly recommend for this, available at The Container Store) and place it somewhere that will stay dry. I use the first tablespoon for my face, as I mentioned last post, then I fill the cup up with the running water and mix it a little with my fingers. I pour it onto my hair in sections, letting it get down to my scalp and massaging it in. I don't do much with the length portion because my hair is still relatively short (above my shoulders) and it gets taken care of when I rinse out the baking soda. I fill the cup up again with water to get any residue, then pour it over my head and rinse it all out. That's it.

A few times last month, I tried castile soap on my hair and, when it's really in need of a little something more, I can use it. But the baking soda is my usual routine and it works for me. It takes almost no time and it's super cheap, as you can find a box of baking soda for under a dollar (though the price of it has gone up in recent years and I've seen the brand name stuff for up to three dollars!) and that lasts for a good while.

Why do this? If you are interested, there is a TON of information out there about why sulfates aren't good for our hair. Here is one article that I think captures it pretty well, but there's so much more. In short? It's kind of like fast food. It's inexpensive, it's convenient, it's marketed to us by brilliant minds and it tastes/smells delicious. But it's not good for us in the long run; it's too harsh and it's wasteful. We simply don't need cascades of bubbles for healthy hair, no matter what commercials have led us to believe.

Has it improved the health of my hair? I've always had pretty healthy hair and I'd say it's about the same. I didn't go through a period of feeling like my hair was dirty for the first week or so, like I've read some other people experienced when doing this. Apart from the short period where it felt really dry, it just feels normal and I feel better about saving money and not using so much detergent.

There are some other things related to this, like conditioning and coloring, but those will have to wait for another post. Let me know if you have any questions or advice about this part of my new regimen.

Well, Eleanor, I Hope To Make You Proud

2011-11-16T00:41:00.000-08:00

We're now halfway through November and I've managed not to start my sharing of personal things in the pursuit of doing things that scare me, at least from a blog perspective. (If you don't know why I'm doing that, please take a moment to read a bit of last month's post for that info.) Clearly, I'm not afraid of procrastination.

I want to share with you some of the changes I've made in my life over the last year. Some of these things I've told to very, very few people, others I've been a little more open about and still others I've never mentioned to another soul. I wasn't sure where to start, but I've decided to go with the thing that I've been doing the longest. So, here goes.

Potentially Surprising Personal Revelation #1: I don't use soap on my skin.

That's right, I don't use soap or shower gel or anything like that on my skin. Let me be clear: I DO WASH MY HANDS WITH SOAP. (A lot. I'm a real proponent of frequent hand washing because I believe it's imperative to help prevent the spread of disease. Seriously, if you are going to take issue with this revelation, don't be stupid and mistake my meaning, okay?) I'm talking about the skin on the rest of the body, my arms, legs and torso, the vast majority of the skin on my body.

Why do I not use soap? It started right after I read this article on BlogHer called "I Went Soap-free and I Liked It." That was nine months ago. So if you've seen me in person since February, you've been around me since I stopped using soap. And I'm going to bet that you never noticed.

I'm not sure I can explain why this article really resonated with me, except to say that I found myself nodding a lot and thinking, "Why do we need so much harsh cleanser on our skin on such a regular basis?" Especially for someone like me who doesn't have a terribly active lifestyle and doesn't work up that much of a sweat, but who appeared to have somewhat sensitive skin. Also, the amount of money we as a society spend on soap and cleansers, which contain all sorts of chemicals and ingredients that we really don't understand much about, is kind of alarming. Add to that the cycle of drying our skin out with soap then spending more money to try to put the moisture back in with expensive lotions and creams. The money-saving aspect and the potential environmentally positive aspect (though admittedly, the latter is going to be a small impact from just one person) both really appealed to me.

Before I stopped using soap, I had very itchy skin on some parts of my body, most noticeably my lower legs and my back. There was a point a year or so ago when I was scratching my legs so much at night (when it always seemed to start up) that I was drawing blood and the constant itching was making me a little nuts. Lotions only worked for a while and I grew weary of constantly having to put them on. I also used to get a lot of ingrown hairs on my upper legs, which, if you've ever had them, you know can be rather painful. Finally, I had these uncomfortable and rather unsightly little red bumps all over my upper arms.

So, on that day in February, I ditched the shower gel and just used my little nylon scrubby puff vigorously all over where I would normally have used it lathered up with soap. I've been doing that ever since. As the writer of the article I mention above did, I do "use...cleansers for my face, hands, and privates" however I have all but stopped using regular soap in those areas. I will elaborate.

I haven't used actual soap on my face in decades. It's too drying and I have problem skin. I've used cleansers that don't contain soap during that time, but I've gradually phased out the heavy-duty (and expensive) kinds of cleansers I had been using as an alternative. I use a pre-moistened towelette (Neutrogena, if you're wondering) to remove makeup each night. Yes, they do contain some chemicals, so it's not a perfect solution, but it completely removes my makeup, including mascara, without tugging at my skin or stinging my eyes, in one easy step. In the shower, I use baking soda to cleanse and exfoliate my face. I take about a tablespoon and, in two passes, I moisten it with water and gently scrub all over. It's surprisingly effective and it feels really nice. As a mask, now and again I take baking soda and mix it with whipped honey and lemon, put it on for 10 minutes and rinse it off. My skin feels incredibly soft afterwards. (Baking soda will make an appearance in a few of my other revelation posts, by the way.) I will use a bit of medicated, non-soap cleanser that comes from my aesthetician if I'm having breakouts, but I need very little and use it only on the affected areas, and sometimes a stronger exfoliation product if my face needs it.

On the other areas of my body where soap would be needed (a.k.a. one's private parts), I now use liquid castile soap. If you're not familiar with that, it's made from olive or vegetable oil and is very mild, and fairly inexpensive because it can be bought in bulk. It will lather up, but just a little because it doesn't contain sulfates; it doesn't have the mounds of bubbles we've been convinced we need to get clean. And I'm pleased to report that my privates have no complaint whatsoever about this change.

I want to mention that I have a separate scrubby just for my feet, in case anyone wonders. This is important in the summer when I wear sandals constantly. I scrub very thoroughly, no soap, then follow with a brisk toweling of each foot. There is much less dry skin sloughing off than there used to be, I have noticed.

Which leaves us with the hand soap. The hand soap that I do use. A lot. :-) Hand in hand with this no-soap commitment (pun intended), I made a commitment to using or recycling/repurposing the things I already have in the house as much as possible and not buying anything new if I have something else I can use. That means using up the regular hand soap that I have before switching over to all castile soap, which is my plan. That also means giving away any unopened soaps and cleansers to anyone else who uses them, such as the many products I received from the BlogHer conference in San Diego, some of which I got without being able to choose to avoid soap products. As I know I will continue to get free products that I won't use, I will continue to either give them to friends and family, or will donate them to shelters, where there's always a need.

So, that's it. My first big personal revelation. At least, it feels big, and a little scary, to expose this aspect of myself to the entire Internet. Have questions? Fire away. I will require that they be asked with respect or they will be either deleted or derided publicly. And I expect that at least a few people will delicately and inconspicuously try to sniff a bit when we next meet in person, just to see if they can notice any difference. It's OK, I understand...I'd probably do the same thing.

Who knows?

2011-10-31T23:58:00.000-07:00

I don't know...

...why I'm so often compelled to wait until the last possible minutes on the last possible day to squeeze my post into the monthly format. I guess I just keep thinking, "Oh, I have time yet this month," and skip off to do something equally unimportant. But, as they say, it is what it is and I'm here now!

...if you feel this way, but I still really miss Lost. I'm really glad that it got to complete its story arc and that it wasn't cut off midway through or anything like that, but there are just weeks where I feel its absence in my TV viewing life. It seems to be most keen after watching Terra Nova, a new show on Fox this season. I keep thinking, "That was a very Lost-ian element there," and it brings back that longing.

Given all that, I was pleasantly surprised the other week when Michael Emerson, who played Ben on Lost, was on The View and they asked about the conclusion of the series. He gave the best explanation about the finale that I've heard to date, so I thought I'd share it for fellow fans:

Like most good writing, it's open to personal interpretation, but...everything that happened on the island on the first five years was real. It really happened. In the sixth season, there was a tear in the fabric between dimensions or realities. But the ending, the finale, was set in the hereafter, some time hundreds, thousands of years into the future, where the souls that were the characters on Lost are waiting to enter the afterlife properly, and they can only do it in pairs, just like in a Shakespearean comedy. They have to go off one by one, they have to find their mirror redeemer, and then go off into eternity with them. And my character has no mirror redeemer, so I'm left on a stone bench.

What do you think? I agree, it's subject to interpretation, but I like it better than a lot of what I heard at the time and what I came up with myself. Somehow, it just gives me a new sense of closure.

...if you will care one way or the other, but my plan for November is to not wait until the end of the month to blog again because I actually have a theme and it will take more than one or two posts to make it come to fruition. My friend, Undomestic Diva, set forth the challenge of Operation Eleanor recently on her blog, where she encourages us to tackle our fears during the 30 days of November and do the things that scare us.

I honestly can't come up with 30 different things that scare me enough to do it daily like she intended, so I'm putting my own spin on it. I'm planning on sharing a number of things about myself here that some of you may possibly find surprising to learn. That's not something I do in such a public way; I'm not sure if it's actually something I'm scared of or simply a form of my personal reserve. I guess you could say that I'm addressing my "blog fears" more than anything.

...whether you watch as much TV as I do, or if you like daytime talk shows, but I want to take a minute to mention another new show, The Chew. Now, like many others, I kind of dissed the name of the show when it was announced and they started running ads for it because it just sounded a little hokey. And, as it's an ABC show, it also sounded a little too similar to The View. I really like most of the people who were going to be on it, though, so I decided to give it a chance.

And. I. Love. It! I've watched every day, and I can't wait for the next episode each morning. It's not perfect and there are some perfectly awkward moments when they have guests on the show, but the five hosts have a great chemistry and make me laugh all the time. I'm enjoying it so much and it has once again sparked my interest in cooking for myself, which tends to wane, and cooking healthy. So if you have an hour to spare, give it a whirl and see what you think.

To The Person(s) Who Broke Into My Car

2011-09-05T23:15:00.000-07:00

As you didn't stick around to see the aftermath of what you did, I thought I'd fill you in so you would have the whole picture.

Sometime last night, you smashed two windows to break into my car. When I went out to the car this morning and saw that the rear driver's side window was mostly gone, I think I stood there for a full minute trying to comprehend what I was seeing. I was that shocked.

When I came to enough to move, I noticed that the front passenger side window was also smashed. That seemed just doubly insulting. I will admit that I was especially flummoxed because there was really very little of value in my car. I don't leave much in it on purpose, just to try to avoid having people like you do things like that.

I had my arms full of stuff (the valuable stuff, like a laptop and a tablet), so I turned around and went back into the house to put the stuff down and grab my cell phone to call my brother and the police. In that order, because that's how I roll.

At some point, I realized what you had gone after and what it was that you actually had taken. I figure you saw the mount for a GPS unit that was in the center console and decided to make a quick buck. Only problem was, you weren't actually smart enough to find the GPS unit. Instead you took my work portfolio and a small coupon holder, things that will net you almost no money but were invaluable to me.

I have to be honest, I really wish you'd found the GPS and left my portfolio.

(I should note that the GPS isn't even mine, it's my brother's and he wouldn't really have missed it. I think he'll agree with me. The coupon holder is a tough call but I hope you use the See's gift certificate and free Starbucks coupons to make someone else happy, at the very least.)

The police officer who responded was really nice but we both knew there's nothing they could do about finding my property. You probably know that, too. I have a feeling this isn't the first time you've decided to help yourself to something belonging to someone else. Part of me feels bad for you, imagining that you are going through a rough time with the economy struggling and maybe too many mouths to feed. But the more practical side of me thinks you're just a kid with no respect for other people or their things.

The thoughtless nature of what you did is what makes me most mad. And I'll admit, I'm pretty fucking mad. What took you probably five minutes to conceive of and carry out will take me hours upon hours to deal with and try to rectify, if I even can. It's not the money involved (which I hope pisses you off); I can afford to pay for insurance, the inevitable deductible and other expenses, as I have been making a living with that portfolio you took away from me today. And without it, I will continue to do so because I'm a strong individual who's making her own way in the world while trying to be a good person.

I'm betting that you don't have the wherewithal to do jackshit with the portfolio, at least nothing honest or worthwhile.

That's what I'm going to remember every time I see the piece of shattered glass from one of the windows that I kept. I haven't figured out yet how to display this little memento, but it's going to be my personal reminder that someone like you can't truly harm someone like me, at least not my spirit. Shit, you didn't even make me cry. You might have dented my faith in humankind at bit, but I'll get over that because for every one person like you, there are a dozen good people that will intersect my life and knock out that dent in no time.

So, once all the calls have been made, the estimates gathered, the shopping done to replace my belongings as best I can, the repairs finished and my upholstery thoroughly vacuumed again to get rid of all those little bits of glass, I'll be fine. And you'll still be a dick who has nothing to show for your lamentable efforts and a very small heart.

I win.

I Am Become The Bay Bridge

2011-08-31T23:54:00.001-07:00

At some point late this month, I realized that neither my brother nor I had changed our calendars to August. We hadn't talked about it and I just happened to notice that he hadn't done it, either, when I was at his house last week. By unspoken agreement, apparently, August is now our least-favorite month and I think that neither of us wanted to acknowledge that it was upon us.

As of last Friday, our mom has been gone for a whole year. My brother wrote this soul-crushingly good piece on Facebook that he posted that day, but I wasn't able to order my thoughts enough to put something here. I'm still not entirely sure I've got them together, but I felt I needed to get something down as we usher out this unfortunate month and move on to the next year of our lives without her.

I had to smile wryly as a friend on Facebook put in her status update that August 26th was her favorite day of the year because it was the birthday of three of her favorite people. It was one of those reminders of the Circle of Life and all that, a theme that has been popping up for me quite often, recently. As hard as it is to acknowledge sometimes, life does indeed go on, even when we lose someone so vitally important to us. That same day, babies are born, couples get married, people find the help they desperately seek, doctors heal the grievously injured and, as much as we feel like our lives have spun to a stop, the same things will happen the very next day. Though we move forward feeling as though a piece of us was ripped away, we do still move forward.

Last November, I wrote about how hard it was to go to places where Mom and I had gone, because in every corner were reminders of her and I was sometimes overwhelmed with how gaping the hole was in my life. I said that "I need to find a way or simply get to a point where these reminders bring me moments of happiness instead of pings of sadness." Much to my surprise, I have gotten to that point. I can smile when I am hit with those little reminders of her and think of them more fondly than sadly.

I'm building my bridge. Every once in a while a bracket or cable snaps (to further abuse that metaphor) and I'm right back in that ICU room listening to the machines go nuts that one, final time before she was gone. But I keep making repairs and shoring up my pillars (I'm done, I promise) and I'm inching toward the other side.

I couldn't be who I am and where I am without my mom's gifts to me and, even though looking back at them and weighing her loss in my life still brings me to tears, I'm infinitely grateful for her -- who she was, what she did and all she provided to me and my brother, tangible and intangible, while she was here.

In The Bag

2011-08-10T23:45:00.000-07:00

BlogHer '11: I went, I hugged, I swagged.

Oh, and I almost fell into a giant toilet.

BlogHer Bound: San Diego, Here We Come

2011-07-16T01:24:00.000-07:00

Once more, the behemoth that is BlogHer is almost upon us. If you have no idea what that is (or know what it is and don't care), I suggest skipping this post because you'll probably be bored silly. Come back again in August. ;-)

If anyone is still reading, I just have a few things to say about it. It's not so much advice for those who are new to it as it is a few cold, hard facts and realities about it from my point of view that I feel like sharing. If you're an old hand at BlogHer and agree with what I have to say, then I'd appreciate it if you'd share it with newer attendees. If you don't agree with what I have to say, the comments section awaits!

This will be my third BlogHer conference, so while I'm not an expert on them, I'm certainly experienced. And each time, in the period leading up to it and during the event itself, I see some of the same things being played out over and over again. A lot of it has to do with expectations, I believe. I think if your expectations aren't set too high, you can get a lot out of BlogHer and have a great time. If you go into it with a mile-long list of people you MUST meet or parties/panels that you MUST attend, or you're too scared to go outside the comfort zone of people you know, you're setting yourself up for some disappointment.

So here are a few things I think might be helpful to keep in mind as you plan to make the trek to San Diego and go to BlogHer for the first time.

1. "Big" bloggers are just people.
They just are. Some of them are nice, some of them are not so nice. If you put them up on a pedestal and approach them that way, your interaction with them is going to be stilted and one-sided and not very fulfilling. Most of them are there for the same reason you are: To hang out with the people they've met via their blogs/Twitter/Facebook and share some good times. They're (generally) not there to be fawned over. And if they are, well, that kind of shortens that pedestal anyway, doesn't it?

2. Not everyone cares about your BlogHer experience.
By all means, share it; Twitter is the lifeblood of BlogHer and some of the best exchanges ever come out of the confluence of all these amazing people in one location. But if you tweet your every move (i.e., "OMG I just met @PioneerWoman!" "OMG I just hugged @RedneckMommy!" "Time for lunch, I have to find my peeps!" "OMG I am talking to @mommywantsvodka and I'm swooning!") from the moment you arrive, there are two reasons to just stop and take a breath: A. It's annoying to hear every detail, even if you're there. I'm sorry, but it is. If you're not there (and especially if you want to be there but can't) it's torturous and will likely get you muted by people who otherwise like you. B. If you're tweeting everything you do, you're missing half of what's going on.

3. Do not be afraid to go with the flow.
Some of the very best things that happen at BlogHer are organic and unplanned, and just grow from coincidence and happenstance. While waiting in the lobby for a friend who's flat-ironing her hair AGAIN, talk to the person standing next to you who's waiting for her friend who's hungover (AGAIN) to get up and get dressed, even if she's a total stranger. Handing her your business card/social media calling card and saying, "I don't think we've met yet," is all it takes. (And if you're waffling on getting cards, do it. You still have time and they don't need to be fancy. They are the currency of BlogHer and you will likely regret it if you don't. Get free ones from VistaPrint if money is tight.) You may find yourself giving up on waiting on those friends and going over to the coffee shop to continue the fascinating conversation you end up starting. Your friends can always text you to find out where you are when they finally get their shit together.

A big group of people, some I knew, some I didn't, ended up sitting on the floor of the hotel last year on Sunday, waiting for it to be time to head to the airport to go home. Check-out was at noon, but our flights weren't for hours yet, and no one really wants to go home when there are still so many people to meet and so many stories to hear. So we sat with our luggage, introducing ourselves where necessary and just shared and laughed and talked, with people coming and going over time. Eventually those who remained divided ourselves up into groups of 2-3 to share cabs to the airport for flights leaving around the same time. I met and completely bonded with two women during that two-hour ride, women I didn't know in the least before we got in that cab, and they're now two of my very favorite people. We talk all the time and meet up whenever possible and laugh about the kismet that brought us together when we're so alike but our lives are so different.

4. Keep Calm and Carry On.
Maybe it's just me, but I'm sick to death of hearing, "I'm freaking out!" constantly, especially at BlogHer. You're not freaking out. You might be nervous, you might be afraid, you might even be close to panicking, but chances are you're not actually freaking out. (If you are actually freaking out, please be sure to have your anti-psychotic meds in your pocket so we can get you some water and help, m'kay?) So try, just try, to calm down and deal with whatever situation is at hand. Being prepared will go a long way to avoiding unnecessary freak-out-ness. Some tips to being prepared:

Have the cell numbers and full, real names of the people you're rooming with but haven't met in person, and make sure your full, real name is on the reservation, too. More than once last year, people were stuck when they tried to check in at the hotel but didn't actually know the true name of the person who had made the reservation! A desk clerk is going to be sympathetic but unhelpful when you're crying, "I only know her as @TwinkleToesMama!"
Have enough cash to take care of emergency situations and a credit card, if at all possible. If you have budgeted exactly $50 for meals for the weekend and $25 for souvenirs and have only $75 in your wallet, with no cushion and no credit card, you are just begging for something unexpected to go wrong. Something like your roommate's plane being diverted to Cleveland and you not being able to get in your room because they insist on having a credit card to give you the key. (Please see the tip above about making sure your name is also on the reservation for this one.)
Take a big enough suitcase to take home all the swag and other free stuff you're going to end up accumulating. In fact, if you're flying in on Southwest, consider taking two, since they don't charge for them. I put a small one with my clothes and stuff inside a larger one, then use the larger one for all the booty, which I always have even when I say I'm going to be more selective and take only those freebies I really want or know I can give away.
Be selective when hitting the Expo hall and parties and don't take every free thing that comes your way. Companies have realized what a excellent opportunity BlogHer is to get their products into the hands of the most powerful demographic in America: The adult woman. That is great because it allows BlogHer to keep the cost of the conference down and we get the opportunity to try products and services we might otherwise miss. But it also means that the sheer amount of loot you can collect is insane. Having to deal with it at 7am on Sunday when you're racing to catch a 9am flight and you overslept because of that awesome party that went 'til 2am...it sucks. So does paying extra because you took everything and your bag weighs 50+ pounds. Have a swag plan of some sort and stick to it. Or at least try.
Realize that your cell service may or may not work at all times in all areas of the conference. There are going to be dead zones. There are going to be dead batteries. There are going to be texts that never get to their intended recipients. There are going to be phones set to mute because having them ring in the middle of an intense panel is rude and embarrassing and you will not hear the call telling you that plans have changed. This will all lead to not being able to locate your friends from time to time, even when you really need to. Accept it and plan for it the best you can; perhaps establish a default meeting place so you can have someplace to go to look for each other or leave messages. (Note to BlogHer staff: a communal message board, like they often have at professional, career-related conferences, or a screen showing hashtagged tweets for people looking for each other would not be a bad idea.)

5. Accept that you will not fit in every single thing you want to and just enjoy what you do do.
It's only one weekend and there are about three thousand people there. You won't meet everyone you've ever met online and you are bound to miss connecting with at least a half-dozen people that you simply HAVE to meet. You will pick the panels that interest you for whatever reason and later discover that you spaced and didn't get to one you absolutely intended to attend. You will also hear that the panel you skipped so that you could actually have some lunch was THE. BEST. ONE. EVER. and how could you have missed it?!? Related: Make time to freaking eat. You will remember being passed out on the bathroom floor and having a famous blogger trip over you more than you will remember every word said in every panel. (Not that I know this from experience, of course.)

So, if you're going, I hope to see you in a mere three week's time and I also hope that you have a fantastic time at BlogHer. But if we don't manage to be in the same place at the same time, it's okay; there's always next year.

Grocery Store Observations

2011-06-06T22:45:00.000-07:00

Now that I've started cooking again, I'm trying to eat at home a little more often. I had some leftovers in the fridge, but I needed a little something more to go with them, so off to the grocery store I went.

I enjoy grocery shopping. I know lots of people hate it, but I just love it. I can wander around, up and down every aisle (sometimes more than once), checking out what's new, what's on sale, that kind of thing. I also consider it exercise, given that most grocery stores around here are pretty big and I cover a lot of ground in a shopping trip.

I made some observations while I was shopping tonight and I thought I'd share them with you. And a recipe! Because I ended up making something completely different than what I set out to shop for, and it came out pretty darned well.

1. The price of frozen vegetables has gotten ridiculous. This won't come as a surprise to some of you, I'm sure, but it sure was a shock to me. I went looking for frozen chopped onions (because I really don't like chopping onions) and was stunned to see a low-end brand priced at $3.00 for one small bag...on sale! I looked at some of the other vegetables and they were all relatively expensive, even the in-house store brands.

2. A $3 bag of onions will make even someone who hates chopping onions go back to the produce section and buy a $.66 onion. Just sayin'.

3. The amount of processed foods in our stores is also ridiculous. I know we all value convenience but with all the attention being paid to childhood and adult obesity, it's not hard to see how we've gotten there. Don't get me wrong, I'm as guilty of it as the next person (if not more so over the years) but when you really start reading labels and looking at foods critically, it's an eye-opener.

4. Unless you buy a lot of it, fresh meat is really pricey when it's not on sale. This makes it challenging for a solo diner. I wanted to get a little bit of protein to go with my leftover stir-fry, as what was left had little meat in it. I couldn't bring myself to buy a $9 steak that was more than I could eat, or a pack of pork chops that was four times what I needed. (My freezer is maxed out, so freezing the extra isn't a good option.) So I started looking at everything, trying to find a deal. I ended up with a $2 package of pork for stew. Did you know they even had stew pork cubes? I can't say as I've ever seen it before. Beef for stew was over $6 for the smallest package...which wasn't all that small.

5. Having a smart phone with a data plan is a wonderful thing in a grocery store. I had the stew meat, so now I needed some stuff to, you know, make a stew. Having made few stews in my life, I wasn't entirely sure what I absolutely needed. I parked in an empty area of the produce section and whipped out my phone. Three minutes later, I knew what I needed to know and got to it.

6. Oblivious people with cell phones in a grocery store aren't such a wonderful thing. Not the most original observation, I realize, but it has to be said.

7. Some people are simply not cut out to use the self-checkout lane. They simply aren't. But, of course, they do. I won't bore you with the tale; suffice it to say that if the death stare worked, California would be minus one shopper tonight.

8. Remembering to bring your own bag in to the grocery store gets easier with time. I used to suck at it, to be frank. Stores that remind you to bring them before you get inside are hug-worthy.

9. Grocery store parking lots were designed by car insurance companies. They have to be. They're like white-lined death traps, preying on the unwary and the parking-impaired.

10. When you buy a bunch of ingredients and don't exactly know what you're going to make with them, the results can be fantastic.

That brings us to the recipe I promised. I found a few recipes when I checked on my phone, but none were exactly what I wanted. So I did what I often do: I combined parts from a few different recipes that sound good, to come up with something original. My friend, PsychMamma, coined the term "Frankenstew" on Twitter when I was talking about it, so that's what it's called!

If you try it, I hope you like it and encourage you to improvise and add or substitute ingredients you already have or like better; just know their cooking times and throw them in accordingly.

Frankenstew

1 1/2 lbs stew pork, cut into 1 inch cubes
1 1/2 T. flour
1/2 t. salt
1/2 t. black pepper
1 t. paprika
1 1/2 T. olive oil
8 oz. sliced baby portabella mushrooms
1 yellow onion, sliced
1 T. chopped shallots
1 T. chopped garlic
1 can reduced-sodium chicken broth
1/2 cup white wine (optional)
1 t. dried Italian seasoning
1 T. dried parsley
2 yellow potatoes, cubed
3 carrots, chopped
1/2 t. lemon zest or 2 T. fresh lemon juice
parsley (to garnish)

1. In a bowl, combine flour, salt, pepper and paprika. Toss the pork cubes in the flour mixture until completely coated.

2. In a large saucepan or Dutch oven, heat the olive oil over medium to medium-high heat and brown the coated pork cubes in the olive oil.

3. Add the portabella mushrooms, sliced onion, shallots and garlic and sauté for 5 more minutes.

4. Stir in the chicken broth, wine and spices, scraping up any browned bits on the bottom of the pan. Add the potatoes and stir.

5. Cover the stew and cook over low heat for 45 minutes. Add carrots, re-cover and cook for 15 more minutes. Uncover, (add zest here if you’re using it) stir and cook for another 15 minutes or until the liquid thickens up a little.

6. Just before serving, stir in the fresh lemon juice (if you didn’t add the zest); garnish with fresh parsley (or cilantro, if you swing that way)

(Here is the original recipe that was the base for mine, from Food.com)

Mystery: Solved?

2011-06-04T23:59:00.000-07:00

I can't really explain my daily blogging all of a sudden, except to say that it feels like some sort of dam has broken and I'm just enjoying writing again. It's also nice to know that people are reading and enjoying the posts, so thank you for your feedback.

Not that I expected anyone to catch it, but the title of the last post was a play on the title of one of my all-time favorite books, Some Buried Caesar by Rex Stout. There was a reason I chose it, as the Nero Wolfe novels played a huge part in that teenage desire to learn "real cooking." Aside from the fact that I have always just loved food and both my parents were good cooks, the lavish attention paid to the cuisine prepared by Wolfe's chef, Fritz, and the passion that the über-intelligent Wolfe displayed toward that food made an impression.

My dad, who was a big mystery novel fan, introduced me to Nero Wolfe around the time I was 12 and I was completely hooked. I read every one I could find -- which wasn't terribly easy at the time because the
vast majority of them were published prior to 1970 and many were out of print -- in record time and then dove into the 600+ page biography of Rex Stout over a summer vacation as I was semi-obsessed with all things Nero Wolfe by that point. Many of you might only know the series from the A&E show in the last decade, but I didn't watch much of it because it couldn't compare to the what my imagination had created out of the books. I did watch the short-lived series in 1981, and was crushed when NBC canceled it because it came a lot closer to how the world of Wolfe's brownstone existed in my head. But still, it was the books that held me in thrall.

It's hard to convey just how much influence these books had on me. In addition to sparking a desire to learn about food and how to cook, they got me interested in orchids (and flowers in general) and, more importantly, opened up a world of vocabulary and expression that had a major impact. The characters were created in the 1930s and continued on into the 1970s and, while they don't age in the series, they do adapt to the time periods in which the books were written, so you have a wide spectrum of language and a character who loved words and used them with precision. As Wolfe's confidential assistant and the stories' narrator, Archie Goodwin, once said, "Which he loves most, food or words, is a tossup." And he was unapologetic about his love for them both.

Nero Wolfe was, among other things, a blazing eccentric and I think the series taught me that it was okay to be my own person and have my own beliefs and way of doing things, and to stick by them, even if they weren't the way "everybody else" did them. That's a pretty powerful lesson as a teenager, I'd say. It probably took another decade or so for that to translate into genuine confidence because I don't know if any books can conquer teenage angst completely.

I do believe, however, that the books did one me one grave disservice, and it's something that has only occurred to me over the last few hours while I've been writing this. I fell in love with Archie Goodwin some thirty years ago and I think that I've been looking for him in real life ever since. Needless to say, I haven't found him.

Yet.

Some Buried Scent

2011-06-03T23:59:00.000-07:00

Last night while cooking dinner, I was overcome with such a strong sense memory that it almost brought me to my knees.

I had sautéed shallots and garlic in olive oil, then put in some broccoli florets and was pouring in some white wine, when the wave of scent hit me so forcefully and took me back some 30 years or so. It was the smell of learning to cook; "real cooking," as I thought of it as a teen.

It packed such a powerful nostalgic punch that I was brought up short and stood there, trying to capture the threads of recollection as they wafted on by in the steam from the pan, lost in memory for a few minutes.

Long enough to overcook the broccoli on one side, at least.

I brought my focus back to what I was doing, rescued my dinner and continued making whatever it was what you would call the concoction I ended up with. I had a bunch of ingredients and very little plan, making up each step as I went along until it just looked and felt right. I didn't taste anything until I had it on my plate, but I knew that the result would all come together and taste delicious. And it did.

But the gulf between that result and the structure of "real cooking" was as vast as the many years between being that teen who thought she knew so much (and yet had so much to learn) and the woman who tossed things in knowing it would work out.

As I sat down to eat my dinner, I thought about what the difference was between 30 years ago and now. Then, "real cooking" meant "gourmet" and was straight out of a cookbook or serious magazine. The directions and measurements were to be followed precisely and to the letter. Those shallots were chopped by hand, as was the garlic, and each piece of broccoli was cut to almost the exact same size so that they would cook evenly, as instructed. The wine had to be dry and there had to be wine in it for it to be grown-up. There was a list of herbs that had been tracked down and purchased, then lined up in order on the counter along with the ones that were scooped out of the cupboard. Once the mise en place was set up, things were added to the pan with a double-check of the cookbook. The timer was set as accurately as possible on those hand-turn dial ones from the 70s.

And always, there was the scent that rose up as the wine went in and started to evaporate. Heavenly.

The resulting meals? Not always so heavenly -- probably killed by over-attention to the letter of the recipe and not the spirit of the cooking -- but they got better and sometimes were even good. I think.

The technique for this meal, however, had been about 180° from that starting place: Glug some olive oil into the pan and crank up the heat. Spoon up chopped shallots from a jar out of the fridge and toss them in; repeat with the garlic and throw in some salt. Hurriedly finish cutting up the least expensive boneless chicken I could find at the store and slide that in. After a few minutes of cooking, decide that starting with the chicken wasn't really the right move; it will be petrified by the time it's all ready. Scoop out the chicken, put it on a small plate and set it aside.Grab the bag of frozen broccoli and a handful goes into the pan. Realize there's not going to be enough liquid and go back to the fridge. A-ha! I have some Riesling in there, might as well have some of that with dinner, too. In it goes.

BAM!

That's when the scent hits me and the little trip down memory lane starts. Cue the broccoli beginning to overcook; scoop that out onto another small plate and re-assess. Chicken goes back in...hey! There's a lemon; squeeze half of it over the chicken and pluck a few spices from the cupboard to sprinkle in. Thyme sounds good. More garlic? Why not?

Some rice, mix it up, back in goes the broccoli, add some tomatoes that I destroyed with a not-sharp-enough knife. Oh crap, I forgot all about the mushrooms. Make a hole in the middle of the pan (where the hell is my wok?), add a pat of butter and do a quick sauté of the pre-sliced mushrooms. A little more salt, mix it all up...oh, right, I was going to add egg to make it more of a stir fry and get some more protein in it. Make another hole (there's just enough room, the pan is starting to get kind of full...where the hell is my wok??) and crack in an egg. Use a spatula to scramble it a bit...crap, the chicken and broccoli are falling into the middle, pull them out; as I do, more fall in. Oh, forget it, just mix it all up and hope the egg is cooked enough because I'm hungry and I'm sure these are non-salmonella eggs, right? Right? Okay, let it cook for another minute. Done!

As I take my plate out to the living room, I spy the cipollini onions that are still sitting in the bag, forgotten.

So now I'm chowing down and thinking about all of the above. How did I get from there to here? What happened to the recipe-following girl who was determined to do it "right"? When did precision and structure break down into whatever comes to hand? Where along the line did I start to believe that I could improvise and make it up as I go along and expect it to actually work? And why does it taste so much better, virtually effortlessly? (Effortlessly if you don't count the three plates, two chopping boards, one pot, one pan and multiple utensils that now need to be cleaned, that is.)

The answer was so obvious and so simple: I've become my mother...in the kitchen.

And I couldn't be happier about it.

Me vs. The Voice

2011-06-01T23:59:00.000-07:00

Note: There's nothing a writer likes hearing more than "Write more!" so thanks, Neena. (She said "blog more!" but that's how I heard it :-) It inspired me to go ahead and come back today to get down the post that was rattling around in my head all day.
******************************************

Out running errands after lunch, I spy Specialty's Cafe and immediately the word pops into my head: Cookie.

That voice. The relentless voice of impulse.

Cookie. Cookie. Cookie.

"Hush. I'm not having a cookie right now."

Cookie.

"No. No cookie."

Cookie. Cookie cookie cookie!

"I don't need a cookie. I know those cookies are really good, but they're also really big, really caloric and kind of expensive."

COOKIE.

"No. Cookie. Not gonna happen."

Cookie cookie cookie cookie cookie cookie cookie cookie cookiecookiecookiecookiecookiecookie.

"No!"

[Rinse and repeat for the next embarrassing number of hours.]

Cooooooookiiiiiiiieeeee.

"You're killing me. No cookie. We're three towns away now, in any case."

Cookie?

"Still no. It's time for dinner. Good, healthy food. No cookie."

Headache looming, I'm more than ready for dinner at my favorite Mediterranean restaurant. It was delicious and filling and I hoped that would be the end of it. As I'm leaving, I make the mistake of glancing at the display near the register.

Baklavaaaaaaa!

*sigh*

P.S. I won. No cookie. No baklava. Nothing.

P.P.S. Tomorrow is another day...

My Days of May

2011-05-31T23:56:00.000-07:00

Recently, my brother suggested that I might not be let into BlogHer '11 if I didn't get off my butt and post something soon. If there were a ruling body of blogging, I probably would have been drummed out ages ago, either for insubordination or insufficient production. Fortunately, blogging is a "make your own rules" game; or it is as far as I'm concerned!

But his point was taken, as I didn't blog last month and now May is already over so, really, I'm quite behind. Here's the thing, however: I don't feel like I have much to say. The last post I started, and abandoned, fell somewhere between whiny rant and self-indulgent crap. I'd rather say, or write, nothing at all.

The things that come to mind as the weeks go by mostly go on Twitter, even though I am trying to take the advice I wrote about earlier to not waste all the good ideas there. And, truth be told, I haven't really had anything terribly interesting to say there, either, of late. But I thought I'd go back anyway and look at my tweets from the last month to see if there were any gems or anything worth expanding on. Or maybe enough for a "Month in Review" kind of thing. Or something.

5/1 - Advice I retweeted: "Never pass up an opportunity to leave someone’s day BETTER off than you found it." I think that's something we could all work on doing. Give someone an unexpected compliment. Take five seconds out of your busy day and hold the door open for a woman who's clearly struggling to walk. Leave that extra dollar of tip for your waiter who is most likely not having a great day and is making a lot less than you might imagine.

5/1-5/27 - The San Jose Sharks run at the Stanley Cup finals. A number of my friends are big fans of the team and I support them mostly out of local pride, so I watched most of the games and even attended one. (They lost.) I was sorry that they couldn't beat the Vancouver Canucks, but they were clearly outmatched.

5/1 - The killing of Bin Laden by U.S. Navy Seals. Not much I can say about it that hasn't already been said, but it was truly a noteworthy night. I can't remember exactly, but I'm pretty sure Twitter alerted me to the fact that something was going on and I immediately put on CNN; that was fine while Don Lemon (whom I adore) was at the helm, but then they called in Wolf Blitzer (whom I don't) and I settled in for a few hours of him repeating over and over again the little bit of information they have. I really hate that part of the immediate news coverage cycle.

5/6 - #GettingOlder and my new dance with heartburn and acid reflux. After a couple of rough nights, I learned this month that I can't have certain things to eat after about 8:00pm. Things like chocolate. Dammit. But as much as I love chocolate and enjoy having a little morsel from time to time at night, I loathe in equal measure the sensation of acid reflux. Truly one of THE most awful feelings I've ever experienced.

5/8 - Our first Mother's Day without our mom. Not surprisingly, it kind of sucked but, because of good friends, it sucked less than it would have otherwise. The week prior was really difficult for my brother and I, with almost every ad everywhere you turned touting the upcoming day; it was inescapable. But even with reminders everywhere, I managed to forget what that Sunday actually was when I kind of invited us to our friends' house for brunch! But, being the awesome people they are, they embraced having us over and we had such a good time. Thank you, Chuck and Michelle, for everything.

5/12 - I started reading Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card after being told by more than one person that it was the best sci-fi book ever and that I had to read it. After having my head stuck in it for the next three days straight until I finished it, I'd have to agree.

5/21 - The big countdown to the non-materializing Rapture. No one went anywhere. Enough said.

5/23 - I got carded at the supermarket when buying beer. I'm 43 years old. That was a good day.

5/25 - As I think I've mentioned here before, I love playing Bingo. I rarely get to play it because few casinos have it any more and sitting in a smoky church hall with a bunch of regulars who aren't terribly welcoming to newcomers (at least, that has been my past experience) isn't my idea of fun. So when my brother told me that our local Hooters has Bingo on Wednesdays, I was putting on my shoes and heading out almost immediately! I mean, beer, boobs, and Bingo, does it get any better? It was fun and I even won a round. They're doing it through June, so I think I'll be back.

5/26 - Gratuitous cat photo time:

He was snuggled in my lap like that for the longest time, looking like the king of all he surveyed. (Yes, the pale flesh-colored thing to the left is my leg; the tan, brown bit to the right is my chair. I'm just so white.)

5/27 - My brother and I went to Lake Tahoe for the Memorial Day weekend and it was really fun. We were pretty fortunate traffic-wise and had an enjoyable few days. Even though the people who live there are really tired of snow, it snowed big, fluffy, fat flakes on and off during those days and it was lovely to see one last time for the season.

5/31 - I finally got my rear in gear and I completed my May post just under the wire! Yay me. See you next month. ;-)

Forgetting And Remembering

2011-03-18T23:47:00.000-07:00

Are you familiar with the saying, "You'd forget your head if it wasn't attached to your neck" and variations thereof? I often think that, if it weren't a saying that's older than I am, it could have been written expressly for me. While my maternal grandmother died before I was born, two of her sisters were very close to my mom and were like grandmothers to me and my brother. From them, I heard that phrase a LOT in my youth and, really, it hasn't changed much.

I forget and lose things everywhere. I've lost (temporarily and permanently) more jackets and hoodies than any one person ever should. I've had to drive back to hotels to get some vital item that I left behind (usually in the bathroom) on more than one occasion, and have had to ask them to mail things to me if I'd traveled too far by the time it was remembered. I've misplaced a drivers license, only to have it resurface months after I'd paid to replace it. I've lost enough earrings to supply a small store for one-eared people. I forget the names of people I've known for years during conversation and have had to explain a few times that calling someone "what's-his-name" isn't meant as a slight or any disrespect, I just can't pull the name out of my brain when I need it. I pretty much forget what day it is almost every day. I put things "away" in a really good place, then can't remember where that place is. I've forgotten to pay bills, take the credit card at the store, take the keys before leaving the house or the car, turn off the stove, blow out a candle, return library books, take my medicine and go to appointments; those things that all of us forget from time to time.

I have a knack for being able to remember only the first letter in the name of someone or someplace. I can almost guarantee that if you've known me in-person for any length of time, you've heard me say, "Oh, you know, that street...it starts with an 'N'," or something just like that. Probably more than once.

One of my favorites is forgetting something I just said not five seconds before. That always makes me feel good.

Not far behind that is starting a post with an idea in mind and not remembering what the point was a few paragraphs in. Fortunately, this time I do recall what the point is, but my list of posts is littered with half-finished drafts that seemed like a good idea but then I went off on a tangent and made a complete mess of it before losing the thread completely.

The irony is that there are so many things that I'd like to forget but simply can't, no matter how much time has passed, how much rationalizing I've done over it, or how much I know something wasn't really my fault. Usually things that are a result of my having done something stupid.

Like being around nine years old and making an observation to my mom about someone at another table in a restaurant (quietly, I'd thought) and the feeling of utter mortification and shame that swept through my body when I realized that the person had heard me and someone at their table said, "How rude!" loud enough for me to hear.

Like being in middle school and forgetting something (I can't even remember what it was anymore) and being told to call my parents about it, but I either forgot to do that (duh) or just didn't feel like it. When I was asked about it, I told my mom that I hadn't been allowed to use the phone in the school office to call. She went back to the vice president and railed against my being denied the use of the phone and backed me up all the way. Weeks later, when it came up again, I admitted that I'd lied about not being allowed to use the phone. The expression on my mother's face when she realized what I'd done and the position I'd put her in left me feeling about an inch tall.

Like being in college and forgetting about Mother's Day one year and knowing how hurt my mom was by that.

Like the last 48 hours of my mom's life when I practically lived at the hospital and every moment of her last few minutes is etched on my brain for me to relive again and again. Wondering if we could have done something different. Wondering if I hadn't left to go to lunch that day when she began to decline, could we have caught what was happening to her? Seeing the grief on my brother's face when we knew she was really gone.

But even with of all the things I've managed to forget over the years and will no doubt continue to forget, remember, and forget again, there is one thing that I will never, ever forget.

March 18th was the day that brought my mom, Betty Ann Burns, into the world and it was so much a better place for having her here.

A Bit Of A Photo Walk

2011-02-28T23:59:00.000-08:00

Even though I don't really have a great deal to share at the moment, I was getting the itch to write (and as it happens more rarely these days, I ought to indulge it). Also, I didn't feel like letting the little, short month of February trick me like it usually does by ending so quickly and giving way to March before I'm ready.

I've been thinking a lot about photography lately. I'm considering taking some workshops and classes, more for processing and enhancement than composition and such, which had me looking through my pictures file on the laptop. I haven't posted any "just because" pictures in a while, so I thought I'd share some of my favorites from the last few months. I may have already shared a couple on Twitter, others I am certain I haven't but, really, how on earth can I remember? So let's let them have a home here for a little while, either way, and I'll tell you a bit about each of them.

This is one of my absolute favorites. It is, oddly enough, of a crosswalk in Los Angeles that just completely captured my attention. I really like geometrical designs and this really appealed to me. Even though orange is one of my least-favorite colors, it really worked here and was completely eye-catching.

Another one from the same trip to L.A., also somewhere along the same street, if I remember correctly. This one spoke to my childhood and I yelled, "Stop the car!" because I had to take a picture. Winchell's doughnuts were THE doughnuts when I was a small child in California (before I moved back to NY) and I was really sad to find out that they'd all but disappeared when I moved back as a much-less-small child. Next time, I want to get a shot of it at night, all lit up.

I have a well-documented love for Chihuly glass in this blog, and this is another example. This is part of the Fiori Di Como chandelier in the lobby at the Bellagio in Las Vegas, which I imagine many of you have seen. You could take me to Vegas, stick me in this lobby, leave, come back in a couple hours and still find me standing there, staring up at the glass in wonderment and trying to take pictures that capture its color and brilliance. Maybe if I ever splurge on a fish-eye lens I just might be able to do that.

Taken with the Retro Camera app on my Droid phone, this is from one of my favorite coffee and tea places in the area. The quality of the amber light from the setting sun was lost because of the filter this particular "lens" uses, but I still like the kind of haunting effect it had.

Not the best-quality picture you're ever going to see from me, but it was taken on my phone and while I was busy kicking myself for not taking my "real" camera along with me, I couldn't resist getting at least one decent shot of such an iconic sign. I wasn't able to get a single usable shot of the equally iconic Ferris wheel you can see a bit of in the background, but I like the slight grittiness of this one.

Ah, false spring in California. These cherry trees near my carport were throwing off the most intoxicating smell at the beginning of the month. The trees were just dripping in blossoms and, while it was difficult to get a really good shot with my phone (again, you'd think I'd learn), I just had to capture a little bit of their beauty to remember them by.

Thanks for indulging me and taking a peek in. Hopefully I can remember to use my better camera more and share some other pictures sometime soon.

Because Twitter Isn't Only About What You Had For Lunch

2011-02-08T04:00:00.000-08:00

In his rules for blogging, a friend of mine admonishes, "Don’t let Twitter take your good ideas." I realize that I'm quite guilty of doing that very often. As in, all-the-time often. The links I used to save up to share here in posts now get shot off on Twitter for a very short shelf. After that, they automatically go to my Pearltrees, where they're always accessible but live in oblivion for the vast majority of you.

Tonight, however, I felt really inspired to take something from my day and share it here instead of "wasting" on a tweet. I may just revive this blog yet!

In case you don't already know it, food is one of my very favorite things. While I'm fairly picky about certain things, I'm willing to try things at least once and I eat a wide variety of cuisines now that they're so readily available to me here in the Bay Area. Where I grew up, Chinese food was for special nights out and Japanese cuisine was positively exotic, so having those plus Thai, Vietnamese, Indian, Afghan, Greek, Mediterranean and more at my beck and call and gustatory whim is fantastic.

I had planned to go to a Mediterranean place that has my favorite hummus, but then I remembered I am supposed to go to a similar kind of place for lunch tomorrow. Right as I realized that, I saw a sign for a new restaurant in a plaza I go to fairly often and I turned in to try something I'd never had before: Korean food. There are a number of Korean restaurants in the area, but I'd never been to one because usually I don't try stuff I have no clue about without someone who knows about it to guide me for at least the first visit. As I had no guide, I turned to Yelp to make sure it wasn't someplace to be avoided at all costs. It wasn't, and people had good things to say about food I'd only ever heard of before, so I decided to be brave, soldier on, go for the gusto and all those sorts of things that really don't apply to simply having a meal.

Really, there was one thing on the menu that finally propelled me through the door: Bibimbap. Never heard of it, you say? Let's turn to Wikipedia, shall we, since it's the most concise explanation I found: "Bibimbap is a popular Korean dish. The word literally means "mixed meal." Bibimbap is served as a bowl of warm white rice topped with namul (sautéed and seasoned vegetables) and gochujang (chili pepper paste). A raw or fried egg and sliced meat (usually beef) are common additions. The ingredients are stirred together thoroughly just before eating. It can be served either cold or hot."

The style served at this restaurant is called dolsot bibimbap, which is served in a very hot stone pot. The neat part of the stone bowl is that it both cooks the egg when you stir it into the rest of the ingredients and forms a crispy crust of rice along the bottom. I really like crispy, so that was a big appeal.

I knew what I wanted, so I ordered quickly and got a nice cup of hot green tea right away. Before I had taken more than a sip, the waitress was back and started laying out small, mostly shallow bowls of different things, without explanation. I was a little puzzled because I wasn't sure if they were supposed to go in the bibimbap, like you do with all the things that come before you eat Vietnamese phở, or if they were merely accompaniments. I was hungry and there was no one else to observe how they went about it, so I decided to throw caution to the wind and just sample them all.

I was even more puzzled when I pulled out my chopsticks and they were metal. I wasn't expecting that, but they looked pretty cool and worked just fine, so I dived in. There was a delicious cold potato dish (no clue what it's called or what was in it but I loved it), a bean sprout dish that was refreshing, a transparent noodle kind of salad that I devoured, some zucchini that had been marinated in something and were quite tasty, a fishy kind of broth with seaweed in it (the only thing that I didn't care for and didn't have more than a taste of) and what I was pleased with myself for recognizing as the traditional Korean dish, kimchi. I will fully admit I was really hesitant to try the kimchi because I thought it was going to be super spicy hot; happily, it wasn't and it was rather savory and delicious.

Just as I'd finished my first cup of tea and had tried all the dishes that I can only assume are meant as an appetizer, the bibimbap arrived in all its sizzling glory. I'm a little annoyed that I didn't think to take a picture, but I was hungry and it smelled so good that I couldn't wait. (The first picture in the Wikipedia article looks almost exactly like it, though.) I stirred it up well with the chopsticks, making sure the tiny, raw egg got out to the hot stone where it cooked up instantly, and was relieved to note that the chili paste hadn't been put on top but was instead on the table in a bottle for stouter souls than I.

The taste was just wonderful, a fantastic mix of healthy, nutritious things served in a way that kept them hot the whole way through the meal. It was simply a delight to eat it and as I made my way into the bowl, the reason for the metal chopsticks became clear: they're to get all that luscious, crispy rice scraped up off the bottom of the bowl! Those cheap, wooden chopsticks you normally see would never be up to the task and it's critical to enjoying the dish.

The lovely waitresses kept refilling my tea (which was very good) and offering more of pretty much anything I'd shown an interest in eating, but the amount of food was just right and I got to the bottom of the bowl, happy but not stuffed. The owner also came by to see if I was enjoying my meal and offered to make me something to drink if I wanted it or get me anything that would help me enjoy it even more. They really made me feel at home when I should have felt out of my element and made the entire experience just that little bit more delightful.

When I had turned down another offer of refills of the small dishes, the check arrived with a little bottle of Yakult, another thing I'd seen but never tried before. I hesitated because I would have been disappointed if I ruined my post-meal "happy mouth" with something that was sour or unpleasant. I decided I might as well keep with the spirit of "nothing ventured, nothing gained," popped the top off and downed it. It was sweet and delicious and creamy and turned out to be a perfect compliment to the meal and chased away any thoughts of having dessert afterward somewhere else.

If you're in the area and are interested in giving it a taste sometime, the place I went for this culinary delight is called Kong Tofu & BBQ in Cupertino. (On their menu it was called bibimbab, by the bye. I'd always seen it with the "p," though, and it just sounds better that way to me. Go ahead, say it a few times, it's a fun word!) If not, keep an eye out for a Korean restaurant and give it a try sometime. If you're already a pro, feel free to tell me in the comments what all the dishes are that I couldn't identify or, better yet, invite me out to lunch and show me in person.

A New Leaf

2011-01-31T23:59:00.000-08:00

I honestly didn't mean to let all of December get away from me without a post. I even started to write one on New Year's Eve and Murphy's Law bit me in the ass for being a procrastinator and I had computer problems that made it impossible.

I haven't done much better with January, obviously, but I'll be damned if I don't live up to my own promise to myself to get one post in before the month is out, even if I did manage to completely miss my own blogoversary on the 22nd. Unlike me, to be sure, but I've had a lot going on.

I don't exactly have a theme for the year yet, unlike the last two "Year of" ones, but we'll see how it progresses as I'm still playing around with a couple. But, big changes this year in my life. Clearly, last year was one of massive change, however I think it's what we do with ourselves after times like those that really define who we are and what we can be. I've decided to try to turn that change into as much of a positive as I can.

I came to realize toward the end of last year that I wasn't going to find a job that suited me, who I am and where I am right now in my life, in any meaningful way. So, because I have the time and opportunity to do something I've always wanted to do, I've launched my own business. As breathtaking as it is sometimes for me to say that out loud, it's what I've done and I'm going to make of it what I can.

It's a personal concierge service, which seems to be as challenging for people to grasp as it is for them to spell. (I'll admit, even I stumble over the spelling occasionally, after a lifetime of "i before e except after c" recitation.) Essentially, I am combination of personal assistant and errand runner for people. I can do for people what they're too busy to do during their workday or that would take them away from family time; anything from picking out gifts to dry cleaning pick-up, or pet sitting to sitting there waiting for the cable guy. It's kind of something I've been training for my whole life so it comes as second nature to me. Whether I can make a living from it remains to be seen!

Now, ideally, this would be where I'd direct you to my website so you could see exactly what I've put together and send excited recommendations to all the busy people and over-booked parents you know in the Bay Area. But. But, I haven't quite got that part done just yet, so we'll save that for (hopefully) next time. I need to finish reaching out to my network of Internet-savvy friends to get those last few pieces in place, but I couldn't wait any longer to share my news, since it's been bubbling along all month and it's happening, it's really happening.

If you have any specific questions about it all that go beyond something you'd want to put in a comment, feel free to email me, using either the "email me" link above or sending something directly to my Gmail address, if you have it.

Otherwise, I hope you'll peek in from time to time to see how things are progressing and whether I have any good stories to share as I'm out there in the "trenches" of Silicon Valley, on the other side of the commute lane.

An Order of Birthday, Happy on the Side

2010-11-24T00:01:00.000-08:00

I thought about calling this "An Order of Birthday, Hold the Happy," but I decided that wasn't really accurate or honest. I don't want to hold the happy, I'm trying to embrace the happy. It's just that it's not front and center for the the first time on my birthday.

Birthdays have always been a big thing in my family, something I've probably written a few times here on this day in the past. But celebrating one without my mom here just seems...incomprehensible. There's not much more I can say about it than that.

I'll be spending the day, and Thanksgiving, with my now-smaller family and I'm grateful for that, just as I'm grateful for all the kind wishes that I'll receive from my friends. I just don't know if I'll be able to get through the day without bursting into tears and thinking, "She should be here. She should be here. She should be here."

The fact that I'm fighting to keep my dinner down right now tells me that I'm going to have to leave it at that. For those of you who are all about honesty and being real and revealing yourself on your blog, there's nothing more honest or real or personal I've ever written than that.

One Ping Leads to Another

2010-11-09T01:39:00.000-08:00

I need to write. I know I need to write. But deciding what to say and how to say it ties me up in mental knots. Because this blog has always been a balance between the impersonal and the vaguely personal; it has never been something like a diary. That's not me, that's not what I do. Others do and it works for them, and I say good on them if it's what they want, but my blog is just that: mine, however I define it. And laying bare all my thoughts and feelings here is as alien to me as saying no to chocolate. It just doesn't happen.

But I'm not sure I know how to "just blog" while there's all this distracting emotional stuff in my head following my mother's death. It feels like there's simply nothing else for me to write about at the moment, and while I've happily taken a blog break before, that's not what I really want to do.

So, how do I bridge that gap? How do I go from talking about the universal to the personal, and still feel comfortable and true to myself? The only thought that comes to mind is: Baby steps.

I'll start with something that occurred to me today, and what really prompted me to finally sit down in front of the keyboard and at least try to start moving forward.

The biggest problem I'm having is that there are so many things -- so many, many things -- that remind me of Mom, and they pop up constantly, pinging on my consciousness. Our lives had become so intertwined, and I was so used to caring for her and thinking about getting and doing things to help her, that thinking about her when I'm out and about is second nature. I've always been a person who has a very visual memory. I see a stuffed lion and I think of my dad, because he was a Leo. I see a "Back to the Future" poster and I think of the summer we spent in Maine, the year it came out. I see an owl and I think of my mom, even though she stopped collecting them almost two decades ago.

Going to the grocery store is a mini-nightmare. Get a cart, go in, see strawberries, think of Mom. *ping* Keep going, see the apples she liked, think of Mom. *ping* Push on, see the oranges, think of Mom and resist the impulse to buy her one because it was a thing we liked to have on hand for when her blood sugar was low. *ping* Get out of produce, go down an aisle. See the biscotti she liked to have with her coffee each morning. *ping* Look to the other side of the aisle, see the braunschweiger (don't ask) Mom loved to have on crackers. *ping* Continue on, another aisle, remember a conversation we had right there about Eggo waffles. *ping* The hits keep on coming and finally I get to the checkout. Oh, and there are the pumpkin seeds that she loved and that we were buying constantly the last year to help her fiber intake. *ping*

Each of these reminders has a different feeling; some are somber, some are melancholy, some are funny, some are regret-inducing, a few are a little painful, some are surprising, while others are just "Oh, Mom would have liked that" kind of moments. (Not all of them are related to food, I swear. The grocery store was just where I was tonight -- the first time I'd gone back to that one since Mom died, as it happened -- thinking about it.) All in all not really bad things, but I just feel bombarded by them in a typical day. When I'm overwhelmed by them, I tend to think about and recall the more painful aspects of losing Mom, like the last 48 hours in the hospital and the last few minutes of her life. When I flash on those, and they tend to get gloomier the more I think about them, that's when I start to feel down and teary and like I will never stop feeling like this, like the bottom has dropped out of my life.

Then, as I was driving along tonight, it hit me that I need to find a way or simply get to a point where these reminders bring me moments of happiness instead of pings of sadness. For some reason, just realizing that and feeling like it can happen seemed really significant to me. It doesn't give me the slightest bit of insight on how to get there, but it feels like a starting point, at the very least.

So, there's the first pylon. Or whatever it is you use to start a bridge. The real question is, will it be the Bixby Bridge (short, scenic, stylish and leading to sunshine), the Bay Bridge (long, winding, keeps breaking, closes down every once in a while and its repairs won't be finished for years), or the infamous and least-desirable Bridge to Nowhere? (If I need to explain that last one, all hope is lost and you should move along to LOLCats or some such.)

I have no idea. I'll just be pleasantly surprised if I can successfully build it.

A Eulogy

2010-10-12T13:20:00.000-07:00

My mother, Betty Ann, died on August 26th of this year after a long period of being in and out of hospitals and nursing homes. What follows is a modified version of the eulogy I delivered at her funeral service. It's modified because my eulogy followed my brother's, and it wouldn't have entirely made sense the way it was, as I made reference to a few things he said. He declined to become my first guest poster, and I can't blame him for that. (Except that it was really good.) Obviously, I wrote this at the time, but it has taken me this long to be able to edit and post it. I am, to put it gently, adrift. I miss my mom more than any words I can scribble down will ever capture.

The last few days have been filled with more laughter than you might imagine. My family is not a somber group and while there has been reminiscing and missing going on, there is still life, humor and joy. I'd like to think that Mom would appreciate that.

Though it might sound trite and somewhat underwhelming, to know my mom was to like her. But being universally well-liked is actually a rather impressive thing. Not that many people really pull it off while being genuine. Mom was. She was certainly a lot more likeable than I am, but I could never quite figure out what her secret was. Maybe I wasn't supposed to; everyone has their strengths and that was hers, not mine. And her strengths were often extraordinary.

This year was really rough for Mom, health-wise. I know there were times when she felt like it was all a little too much. She kept tackling each problem, though, even when she might not fully have wanted to press on with yet another procedure. But she did want to, for us, and we were there with her at each step, trying to keep her spirits up and keep her laughing, too.

She and I spent a lot of time together in the last twelve months, even more than normal, and I am thankful that was the case. Until she went into the hospital, we had developed a pattern of going out one day, getting the medical stuff out of the way and then enjoying the day with as much fun as possible; eating out, running errands, going to the library, getting a favorite treat here or there and, most importantly, shopping. Then we'd spend a few days at home, cooking when we were up to it, perusing cookbooks when we weren't, doing the crossword in the paper, reading, watching her favorite shows and, most importantly, shopping. On TV. My cousin Michael asked the other day if my mom and I had stock in QVC. He came across a stack of invoices and drew a logical, if smart-alecky, conclusion. (I send my apologies to QVC for the dip in their profits over the last few months, and I promise to honor my mom by making up for it as soon as possible.) But really, being able to shop that way and keep up to date with what was going on was important to her, and helped her feel less restricted that she might have otherwise. In many ways, our living situation may have resembled The Odd Couple more than Gilmore Girls but somehow it worked for us and we were friends as well as mother/daughter housemates.

For me, there was always a lot to admire about my mom. She raised two kids, mostly on her own, to be independent, self-sufficient and unafraid, which is quite an accomplishment given that she had a lot of fears of her own. But for the most part, she didn't let her fears hold us back. She supported us even if she didn't completely agree with or get what we chose to do, which is a lot more than many kids can expect from their parents. She trusted us to blaze our own path. She just reminded us to be careful at every turn.

Mom reminded us about a lot of things. She was the one who kept the memories for us and was our touchstone of family and history, as well as right from wrong. Whereas my brother, Sean, hears her voice in his head when making decisions, for me it was more a matter of just following her example to where it became a part of my thought process; my fearlessness tempered with her caution, my adventurousness balanced by her practicality, my impatience mitigated by her reasonableness, my procrastination...curbed...well, no, I guess there was no accounting for that. Suffice it to say that she softened my harder edges and I provided the encouragement for her to push past her reluctance to try new things. In that, we made a good team and, with Sean, an even better, closer family.

I will miss you, Mom. But I will always be grateful for everything you taught us, told us, showed us, put up with, laughed over and, more than anything, for the way you loved us.

Words I Like

2010-08-20T08:00:00.000-07:00

I love words. I love trying to use them in interesting ways, while at the same time preserving them. I am loathe to use the popular and, to me, heretical short forms of so many words in our language today; I use "through," "doughnut," "light" and "night," "you" instead of "U," "for" instead of "4," that kind of thing. Even on Twitter. To me, it's worth the extra characters.

English isn't an easy language, and it may not even be a beautiful language all the time, but there is something so inherently wonderful about its ability to be both flexible and traditional at the same time. It is such a amalgamation, having adopted and absorbed so much from many other languages and cultures, but keeping its identity. Its rules are many and complex, and are often confusing, but it has become the de facto global language so it must be doing something right.

I've gotten into discussions with people about what I call the bastardization of our language (and here I mean American English, just to be clear) when I'm in a bad mood about it, or the diminishment of it when I'm in a...better...mood about it. While I recognize that language is changeable -- it has to adapt and grow to survive and remain relevant -- I also believe that it shouldn't be compromised just because we're in a hurry and shorthand is easier. Contractions are a part of that adaptation, certainly, but there's a difference between contractions that developed through verbal changes to the language over time and shortcuts that I feel are just lazy and don't further it in any way. "Nite" may be a phonetic way to write "night," but it doesn't change it in any significant way, with respect to its meaning or usage, for instance.

And that wasn't at all where I intended to go with this post. Sometimes I get worked up about the subject, obviously. The point behind this was that I love words, and there are some I love more than others. I've done a fairly miserable job of keeping up with my lists, so when this one occurred to me, I ran with it.

List 6*: Words I Like

- Alpenglow
- Bailiwick
- Bespoke
- Bijou
- Cattywampus
- Defenestrate
- Flummoxed
- Ignominious
- Kerfuffle
- Lollygag
- Onomatopoeia
- Perambulate
- Portmanteau
- Preternatural
- Quaff
- Repose
- Rubenesque
- Sumptuous
- Twitterpated
- Vermilion

Care to share any of yours?

* If you're keeping track, though I sincerely doubt anyone is, my last list was marked "List 2" in error. It was actually List 5. Just thought you should know.

The Unknowable Story

2010-08-18T00:19:00.000-07:00

In the weeks prior to my trip to New York, I'd been keeping my eye on a bird's nest outside, which had been built up above the walkway on our floor.

I stopped short the first time I noticed the nest, spotting the one beady little black eye of the mother bird, sitting ever so still as I approached, keeping me in her sight and hoping I'd just keep going. It was a Mourning Dove, which, if you aren't familiar, are some of the dumbest birds on the planet. They're so sweet looking, and make such a lovely sound when they coo, however, that you can't help but look at them and admire them.

Of course, I stopped and just stared back at her for a minute. She never moved, not even a twitch, as I was too far below her to be an immediate threat. Mourning Doves are very devoted parents and their eggs are almost never unattended. I know this because I've had them lay eggs on my porch in previous homes, in some of the dumbest places a bird could put a nest. (Thus my assessment of their smarts...or lack thereof.) They'll nest most anywhere, even if it's somewhere people are all. the. time. and they have to fly away 200 times a day, then come right back.

Every day I would walk under her on my way out to the carport, then again on my way back, each time looking up to see if she was there. She always was. I got into the habit of saying, "Hi, Mama," each time, even though I knew it was silly and she was probably more afraid than comforted by my attention. I left for New York, anticipating that the eggs might be hatched by the time I got back and looking forward to hearing the persistent little chirps of hungry baby birds each day.

When I got back from the trip, it was very late and very dark, so I wasn't able to see anything as I trudged on by with my luggage. The next day I didn't even think about it, as I rushed out to go see my mom after being gone; I'd fallen out of my habit.

But coming home later that day, I remembered to look up as I got close. And stopped short again. Mama Bird was gone. There were no little bird heads, no little hungry bird chirps. Nothing but a nest that looked sadly empty.

Crestfallen, I looked down, looking for the tell-tale signs of little eggs that had fallen out of nest or, worse, little birds that had. Nothing but four, smallish, odd-shaped drops of something black, which could have been droppings or something more heartbreaking. There was no way to tell. I looked around me as through there were going to be someone there to tell me what had happened. Looked up again. Looked down some more. Still nothing.

I live in a complex with mostly senior citizens. It's possible that I was the only one who ever saw the nest, as the average eyesight of my neighbors is probably closer to "legally blind" than "20/20." There simply wasn't anybody to ask about what happened. The bird certainly wasn't going to come back and tell me anything. There's no way they could have hatched and fledged in the short time I was gone. The location was such that I really don't believe a cat could have wreaked havoc and hurt Mama or the babies. I just couldn't puzzle out why the nest was now empty. I felt a little hollow.

Day after day, I've kept looking up to see if Mama is back, hoping against hope. She isn't, of course. I still stop each time and look up, look down, look around, looking for answers that aren't there. If anyone actually saw me, they'd probably think I was missing a few screws in the noggin...or that I fit in around here a bit more than they realized. But there is never anybody about to see anything.

Today, I finally realized that this is the unknowable story. It's a small, insignificant mystery that will never be solved. The final pages of a book that don't get written. Lacking closure, as the vernacular would have it.

I never thought I would be sad that a Mourning Dove had left my life unexpectedly. Dumb bird.

I miss you.

BlogHer '10 - A Moment-ous Occasion

2010-08-10T12:15:00.000-07:00

This year's BlogHer conference was this past weekend in New York.

New York. In August.

I keep saying those four words just like that because, a year after I first learned that's where it would be, I still can't wrap my mind around voluntarily going to Manhattan in the dead of summer. I'm a native New Yorker, I know what it's like there in August. But my need to be with a group of people who totally get me and who buoy me the other 361 days of the year outweighed my (extreme) dislike of heat and humidity.

There were so many incredible and wonderful moments I experienced at this year's conference. There were many at last year's in Chicago, as well, but there were also some bad ones that left bad feelings. The beautiful thing is that the bad moments and feelings from last year created the very opportunities for the absolute best ones this year. That's a lesson that is not lost on me.

Because of the best of those moments this time, I saw the snake in my woodpile clearly and fully for the first time. But instead of seeking a mongoose to take it out, I merely jostled the woodpile so that it had no choice but to slither out and expose itself, chasing it from my personal space. It's a far more satisfying feeling.

Once that was taken care of, there was nothing to do but throw myself into the vortex of BlogHer and enjoy every minute, taking mental pictures left and right because I didn't want to waste time dragging out my camera to capture them tangibly. There was such a sense of sharing that swirled around every corridor, room and elevator of the hotel. Little things and big things, silly and serious, in earnest or in jest. People shared and people absorbed. People cried and people laughed, and laughed well. I came away feeling infused with ideas and thoughts and smiles that overwhelmed any of the negativity, which was blessedly in short supply. I left feeling refreshed and energized even though I stayed up every single night far, far later than I perhaps should have. I learned so much, met and re-met so many fantastic people, more than I could possibly all mention here, packed into four short days.

I discovered that three of my favorite people, Duchess Mama, Walk The Rope and Domestic Extraordinaire, all have the most amazingly silky arms and were willing to let me, um..."reacquaint" myself with this fact on an embarrassingly regular basis. I have set a goal for myself to pamper my limbs between now and next year's conference so that I can be just as silky.

I learned that Tom the Girl gives hugs that you never want to end and kisses that are full of love. I kind of figured that those were true, anyway, but it was so lovely to find out first-hand that I was right.

I got wise to the fact that I really don't need a few drinks before hitting the dance floor because, dammit, that's where all the fun is and so what if I've got more to shake than some of my fellow bloggers and have a dearth of actual moves? That I caught on to this after enough drinks to propel me out there at the very last party is inconsequential. (Someone may need to remind me I said this next year when we're in San Diego, however.)

I learned that a cab ride that could have been from hell was instead a near dream by connecting with Sara and Kikarose and forming a bond that this shiksa will treasure forever.

I found out that Vodkamom is practically my twin sister and, surprise! I have two really cool nieces, which is great because I also moved from being a Not-A-Mom Blogger to being an Auntie Blogger, thanks to Sara.

Most significantly, I realized that what I expressed in my post about The People I Know was as true as I felt it to be. Geography means little when it comes to friendship; it's only important when it allows you to be in the same room with those friends from time to time, to reinforce in your mind what your heart already knew.

No one's post about BlogHer can really capture the feeling or, dare I say it, the zeitgeist of the whole event. Because, to me, it's not about the parties or sessions we went to, the "checklist" of people we wanted to meet and did meet, the swag or prizes (though there were plenty of all of the above); it's nothing you can quantify with a "...then I did this" kind of re-telling. It's the collection of small moments, planned and unplanned, you take with you that make it so memorable.

You can almost re-hear the brief but meaningful chat you had with someone you unexpectedly connected with while sitting on a floor in the lobby, and you get that warm feeling all over again. You look at one of the pictures and think back to the moment it was taken and remember how right it felt to have that person's arm wrapped around you while you both grinned like idiots at the camera. You chuckle when you remember someone reading aloud their Twitter conversation with someone you love who couldn't be there, yet who was a part of it through Twitter and text. You recall that moment of delighted surprise when you realize the person you've been talking to and really liking is someone you've talked to on Twitter for ages. You can feel the strength of that first hug you got from a true friend that you're getting to see for the first time. You almost taste the bites of street food you swiped off someone's plate, sitting on the streets of Manhattan at two in the morning, wondering how you can bear to not have this right-here-right-now camaraderie for another year. You find yourself taking these moments out to look at, again and again, and they get burnished with wonderfulness the more you do it.

Those things mean little to anyone except the people who were right there with you, so how can you ever convey them to anyone else? We'll try, most of us. We'll try because we're writers and bloggers and tweeters who need a way to let those people we were with know how much it meant to us to share those moments; that time, that experience, that laughter, and those photos.

Me (L) and Duchess Mama (R)

How To Lose a Limb: A Cautionary Tale

2010-07-21T23:55:00.000-07:00

As I write this, I'm sitting in the hospital, next to my mother's bed. She has dozed off but I can tell after many, many hours of watching her sleep that she's only sleeping lightly and can be wakened with little effort. She has become a champion sleeper during her time in the hospital (then the skilled nursing facility, then the hospital once again); you have to be to get any rest with all the noise and interruptions a hospital brings. I've seen her sleep through blood draws. It's really quite impressive.

I just wish this were a skill she hadn't had to develop. She's tired of being in the hospital. She's tired of the needle pokes, vitals checks, blood sugar tests, IV flushes, bed repositionings, med distributions, ultrasounds, procedures, catheter adjustments, blood transfusions, nursing shift changes, doctor drop-ins and, of course, hospital food. I'm tired of all these things for her, too, because it's hard to watch her endure them day in and day out. (Although I think the food is better than she does.)

And we're not done yet. I've been hesitant to detail exactly what has been going on with her for a couple reasons. 1) I wasn't ready for all the questions; sometimes I don't do well when a lot of questions are thrown my way. After a while, I start to get defensive -- it's a personality flaw I'm aware of and it's one I'm trying to get past. So bring on any questions. If it doesn't violate her privacy, I'll do my best to answer it. 2) Then there is, you guessed it, her privacy. If you've been reading here for any time at all, you may have realized that I don't talk about super-personal things here. I don't fault bloggers who do use their spaces in that way, it just wasn't ever what it was about for me. I figured that if I don't talk about my own personal health issues here for the most part, how could I talk about hers? But her health issues are about to change my and my entire family's life in significant and unavoidable ways. Now that this time is here -- it has always been in the offing, but we've been keeping it at bay best we could -- it's now part of my life and this blog has always been about my life, in one way or another. So it's relevant and it's what I need to write about. 3) It wasn't certain what was going to happen. She has a lot of medical concerns and it wasn't clear which one was going to "get" her first. I think perhaps I felt like not defining things here kept them nebulous enough to avoid dwelling on them. Does that constitute denial? I'm not sure.

As I alluded to in my last post, Round 2 is here and it's time to take it on. My mom has had Type II diabetes for decades. This has caused a myriad of medical problems for her, especially over the last decade. The most problematic has been her circulation, especially in her legs, and she has had: two femoral bypasses, one in each leg; surgery on her carotid artery to unblock it; two heart catherterizations that have resulted in multiple stents being put in her heart; multiple laser eye surgeries to stop bleeding in her retina; the onset of congestive heart failure; foot ulcers and dry gangrene; and the amputation of four of the toes on her left foot. She has also been on the brink of kidney failure for about a year, which has required blood tests every two weeks for that time, and we know that dialysis is almost certainly in her future. Another round for another day...or year.

She has come through each of these things, some more easily than others, with a lot of effort, a lot of love, a lot of tears, a lot of pain and a lot of time. It does get harder each time, however, and though each was serious unto itself, life always went back to normal eventually. That's not going to happen this time.

Tomorrow morning my mom's right leg will be amputated above the knee and she will likely never walk again. Because of her age and weakened condition, she may not be able to get or adapt to a prosthesis, so we anticipate that she will be in a wheelchair from here on out. I hope that it will be one she can move herself, but she has little upper body strength so I am not sure that will be possible. (An electric one is, of course, an option but she has an aversion to them and they're a little too big to use in her condo.) I am her primary caretaker and while she has been the center of my life for the last year, this surgery will probably double the effort required to do pretty much anything and everything.

I will do the best I can, with a lot of help, but there's no doubt that it's going to be overwhelming at times, for all of us. My mom's biggest concern, as I imagine it is for most parents in this kind of situation, is that she is going to be a burden to us. I can't say absolutely that, at times, it won't be a burden; I think in part it depends on how you define "burden." I don't approach it as a burden, but I know that it is weighing on her mind so heavily that I worry it can affect her ability to recover and rehabilitate and I know that it is life-changing. The emotional part of it has been, and will be, very hard. But, to me, that's part of family. It just is.

Another part of family is knowing the best and worst parts of your family members, and how who they are affects who you become. Case in point: I know that my mom has always put us first, to the detriment of her own health. She was told in the mid-70s that her blood sugar was high and that she should just cut out sugary soda and other foods. This was right before we moved from California back east to New York and our lives were turned completely upside-down. We all switched to diet soda and kept right on going, trying to make the best out of some crappy circumstances for the duration of the 80s. Mom made sacrifices for us and was always there for us, working full time and taking care of us and the house, while putting up with two kids and a husband who had a boatload of his own problems. She dealt with money issues, worked day in and day out until retirement, got us both through college, became a widow, took in her two elderly aunts and nursed one through the ovarian cancer that eventually killed her, helped us move back to California (each of us moved out here at different times), packed up a huge house and sold it, and moved to California, too.

During most of that time, she ran on stress and adrenaline and didn't take great care of herself. She was too busy taking care of us to dwell on how she was feeling. I come from a family of stoics, and she learned those lessons well. Too well. In the late 80s/early 90s she was diagnosed with Type II diabetes and had to make significant dietary changes and start taking medicine. But really, it was too late and the damage had already started to impact her health.

The consequences of not addressing her own well-being in favor of taking care of her family for all those years led us in a straight line to today, on the brink of major surgery that has her worried about how she will live the rest of her life and how it affects her children. It's this last part that has me shaking my head over the irony of the situation; this is far worse than if she had said no, we can't do that because I need a break, or you're going to have to skip that birthday party because I need to attend a class on nutrition, or I'm not going to be able to take you to the mall because I need to work out for hour or two. We would have been okay, if disappointed at that time -- or, okay, as teens we would have been devastated...for all of an hour -- but we also would have been better off for seeing our mom make her own mental and physical health a priority. This fear, this worry, this emotional draining now is so much harder than it might have otherwise been if she had said "no" to us and "yes" to herself just a little more often. I think it's this part that is more of a burden than any difficulty we will face as she learns to transition from a wheelchair into a bed: She loved us more than she loved herself and now she's paying a steep price for it.

Now it's time to go wake her up so she can have a last few drinks of water before it turns midnight and she's not allowed anything to eat or drink, pre-op. Tomorrow will be another stressful and emotional day. We'll get through it together, barring any of the many complications that could arise, and we'll be back here tomorrow night, with me watching her sleep and wondering about how the next day will go.

Ode to June

2010-06-30T23:59:00.000-07:00

Hello June, you little minx. You crept in while I wasn't paying attention, snuck on past while I was otherwise occupied and whacked me in the ass before blasting off into July. So, you know, thanks for that.

This was definitely an interesting month, and not all in good ways. My mom has spent the last week plus in the hospital and it has been pretty damned stressful. But, like I said, she's one of my heroes and she's coming through it amazingly well. I do have to give my brother and myself credit for keeping her afloat and moving forward for a couple of those days, when it didn't seem that she had it in herself to do it. I'm hoping that, in the long run, she'll also see it as "keeping her afloat" and not "badgering." We can be pretty persuasive.

I learned a few things, though. I learned that I sure as hell hope that I have as a good a friend as my mom does in her decades-long friend, Pat, when I'm facing my mortality. That woman is in-cred-i-ble. I now call her "The Velvet Hammer." We may be persuasive but it's hard to stay objective when you're staring your mom's possible death straight in the face and I challenge you to do it without crying. Pat was like this calm voice of reason and compassion and straightforwardness, with emotion but not tears. She made me want to do whatever she told me to do! And she uses her power for good, not evil.

I also learned (again) how much I enjoy my cousin Michael's company. He came in pretty much as soon as he heard what was going on, and it was so comforting to have him here. We are a really small family, but what we lack in size, we apparently make up for in...I don't know...awesomeness when we all get together. At the very least, we crack each other up, even when we're all a little shell-shocked by the goings-on.

On the other hand, I also learned that, as sad and devastated as we will be when the day comes that Mom isn't able to rally one more time, my brother and I will be okay in the long run. Every time she was going in for some test or procedure (sure she wasn't going to make it), Mom would say, "You two take care of each other." And we're ready to do that. He's been pretty great and I hope that he thinks I have been throughout this, too. He's more likely to whack me with a soda bottle than ever tell me that, but I think I might be safe in thinking that.

The last thing I learned is that having friends who are available to me online is the most wonderful thing when you're in the middle of a personal crisis. I reached out and they were there. Every. Single. Time. People can make fun of social media, and Twitter in particular, all they want but at the end of the day, they can kiss my ass. It was one of the biggest comforts imaginable.

So, bring it on July. I'm ready for Round 2.

Go Fish

2010-05-25T23:59:00.000-07:00

Pre-post thoughts: Oh my poor, much-neglected blog. You really got the short end of the stick, getting me for an owner/writer. You probably deserve better. But then, what have you done for me lately? Apart, that is, from taunting me from afar, reminding me how lacking I am. No, you wouldn't do that, would you? Only my own conscience gets to do that. And, let me assure you, it does it quite frequently. Which is probably part of the problem. I feel like I'm constantly being reminded of all the things I have to do, things I should do, things that people want me to do, things that are expected of me, and sometimes that just makes me rebel. Authority issues, much? OK, enough. Either do it or don't. Fish or cut bait. Got it? Got it.

April completely got away from me. On April 30th, at around 11:55pm, I thought, "Oh, I really should post something tonight, or it will have been a month without posts, and I've been trying to be better about that." This was quickly followed by the thought, "Oh, fuck it. It's my blog and I don't feel like it." I think it's safe to say that I have that kind of internal dialogue relatively often. I know that I need more discipline -- I've been writing one particular blog post in my head since March, right after my last one -- but I suppose I lack the motivation to dig down and find it.

I think now would be a good time to go back and take a look at my list of things I want to do this year, as I have actually made some progress on it.

List 1: My Goals For The Upcoming Year - In Progress

~~Take another trip to Los Angeles to visit friends~~ (I went in May)
Find or create a job that I can stand (No luck as of yet)
~~Get a new blog design~~ (What I did is all that will be done this year)
Put together a disaster-preparedness kit (Nope)
Blog more regularly (Clearly, no)
~~Find a volunteer position~~ (The library gig, still enjoying that)
~~Complete some cross-stitch projects~~ (Got 3 completed!)
Pare down my possessions (Uh...no)
Drink more wine (Some progress here, but not much)
Take more photos and organize them (Taking them, yes; organizing them, no.)
Watch as many of the movies that "everyone" has seen that I haven't (2 down, many to go)

You know what? That's actually better than I thought it would, given that not quite half the year is gone. There's also one more thing that I mentally put on my list and have actually done it; it's not something I want to go into here, but I want to give myself credit for accomplishing it! Let's just say that I'm trying to improve my social life and I'm taking steps to do that, m'kay?

That brings us to my latest list, which I wrangled with for a long time back in, oh, February. (I have discovered, by the way, that these kinds of lists really tax my memory and creativity. When people ask me questions along the line of "What's your favorite [fill in the blank]?" my mind tends to totally freeze up. I never really realized that about myself before embarking on this list thing.) These are the people whom I consider to be my heroes, in no particular order.

List 2: My Heroes

My mom
Mother Teresa
Nelson Mandela
Doc Hendley
Rex Stout
Rosa Parks
Lieutenant Dan Choi
Anissa Mayhew
Barack Obama
His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama

Many of them are, I'm sure, terribly predictable and would make many peoples' lists. But the ones I've linked to are those that might have you asking, "Who?" If you're interested in hearing the "Why?" then let me know. This post is already far longer than I intended and I need to have something for next time.

A Moment In San Francisco

2010-03-13T19:27:00.000-08:00

Not a half hour ago I was ruminating on how crappy I've been doing with keeping up on the lists thing, and with blogging in general. I saw another Listography book in the gift store of SFMOMA, which I'd just finished visiting for the first time, and I told myself I could NOT buy it because I'm not doing a good enough job with the one I have.

The thought of that was not enough to make me rush back to the hotel and do a post, but on the way back by bus something happened and all I could think about was, "I have to write about this." I don't even know why, other than it was just bizarre. I'm going to write it as I heard it, and you have to know that going in because the language is not what I would use myself. Read that as "WARNING, UNPLEASANT AND OBJECTIONABLE LANGUAGE AHEAD!" and do not bitch at me in the comments for it. (In other words, stop here if it's going to bother you, m'kay?)

I've been in and out of San Francisco all week and I've depended on public transit to get around because it's just too expensive for cabs, I can only walk so much and street parking is just a nightmare 95% of the time. So I've got a pretty basic handle on the system and feel comfortable taking it solo. In the back of my mind is always the recent spate of fights on the Muni system, recorded by omnipresent cell phones, that I've seen on the news, but so far, so good.

I got on the bus near the museum and was happy to find it uncrowded enough to grab a seat. The next stop, however, brought in what I immediately pegged (perhaps unfairly, perhaps not) as the Obligatory Bus Crazy Person and he set up shop right in the exit doorway, announcing as he boarded that we all needed to move because, "A black guy is getting on...and I've got a big dick. You all need to make room." You will perhaps understand my trepidation? Yes? Good, because it gets better.

He started complaining about the "nasty Chinese people" at the front of the bus who apparently wouldn't let some kids sit down. He continued rambling on, loudly, but apart from a few more "nasty ass" type things, I tuned him out.

The next stop brought in a flood of people and pretty much maxed out the bus. As people filtered back, it got crowded and two guys ended up next to the OBCP. One of them must have gotten that little bit too close because OBCP started making more noise and telling one of the two guys to move his ass. The young man, who was Asian American, was startled and asked if he was talking to him. "Yes, I mean you. Move yo' ass! I don't wanna be bumping asses with you, nigga! If I wanted to touch yo' ass, nigga, I'd reach out and grab it." Grumble grumble grumble.

I glanced over at the Asian woman sitting next to me and she kind of smirked back with shared amusement briefly, before turning away to distance herself from the situation. The young Asian American man moved as much as he could, smiled at his friend wryly and said, "I love the bus."

OBCP didn't like that. "Yeah, you love the bus. You love ass. Don't you bump asses with me nigga. If you was a white bitch, I'd do it. But you ain't, nigga." Grumble grumble grumble.

I realized that my stop was coming up soon and OBCP was between me and the exit. I wondered if I should say, "A white bitch wants to get off, please," but decided that wouldn't be all that wise. I stood up as the bus was coming to a stop, and the other young man moved aside for me. I quietly said, "Careful, you don't want to bump asses!" while smiling my thanks. He smiled back and let me step around him.

Just as I moved past him, OBCP saw me and it was like someone flipped a switch. He went from slightly crazy black man to a proper Southern gentleman. "You gettin' off here, ma'am? Here you go, sister." He moved aside and continued, "God bless you, ma'am, you have a nice evening." Astonished, I replied, "Thank you, sir, you too." (Sir? Sir!? Where the hell did that come from?) I moved down the stairs and off the bus, and as the doors shut behind me -- not letting anyone else on, much to the annoyance of the waiting riders -- I was just flabbergasted at how his demeanor had changed and how surreal my (otherwise dreaded) exchange with him was.

I walked away toward the hotel, thinking, "I have to write about this!" the whole time. I guess you never know when a blog post is going to hit you right between your normally-Politically-Correct eyes.

I Have A Spine...Sometimes I Just Choose Not To Use It

2010-02-25T00:34:00.000-08:00

So, BlogHer '10. From the minute it was announced in Chicago that it was going to be in New York, I was pretty much set against going.

Why? Four words: New York. In August.

If you don't understand why that was my rationale you have either a) not been in New York in August or b) are one of those slightly insane people who actually enjoy stultifying heat and humidity. There is a reason they were able to get an entire hotel in NYC for an entire weekend in August, folks...all the sane people leave the city that time of year!

I've spent the last six months going back and forth, back and forth on whether or not to go. One day I was thinking, "Hell no!" Then it was more, "Well, maybe it might not be that bad." Then back to, "Oh, HELL no! What are you thinking?!" And so on. February ratcheted up the intensity as early-bird pricing comes to an end at the last of the month. All these people that I would like to see start confirming that they're going. And I get more...let's call it "encouragement" instead of "coercion"...to go, from multiple quarters.

Now, if I truly don't want to do something, there's very little that will convince me to do it. But I am aware that I'm easily influenced when it comes to things that I sorta/kinda actually want to do, and I think the influencers in this case pretty much know that. And they went to work. In concert. And with gusto.

The other day I decided that, if I'm going to go, I sure as heck am going to get the lower-priced ticket. So I bought a ticket, knowing that I can sell it later if I need to; this thing always sells out and there are always people looking for tickets at the last minute. That was the first step down the slippery slope.

I'll spare you the rest of the slipping and sliding. I've decided to go. I've got a ticket and a roommate and a slate of people I'm looking forward to hanging out with. All that remains is the plane ticket. I will make the same caveat as I did last year that there's a very good chance I won't leave the hotel the whole time because of the weather without a lot of whining. Because no one wants to hear that, right? But you have been forewarned!

Winter Bloom

2010-02-21T08:00:00.000-08:00

The camellias in this part of California always signal that winter is coming to an end soon. I liked this perky one that recently opened near the house.

I could spend hours taking pictures of flowers. I don't even know if anyone else enjoys the pictures as much as I do, but hey, the first person you need to make happy is you, right?

Was A "Social Lie" Called For?

2010-02-12T06:00:00.000-08:00

As many of you know, over the Christmas holiday I had a part-time job at a chocolate shop. It had been a dream of mine since I was a little girl to one day work for this chocolate shop company. I not only got to live that dream, I got to live it in the very store that had inspired me as a child.

Recently, they called me back to work there again for the upcoming Valentine's Day rush. I said yes and, as I'm currently an employee there, I'd prefer not to mention the name of the company here just yet. You probably know and that's fine; let's just see if we can avoid mentioning it in the comments, m'kay? ;-)

I worked last night for a few hours and had a moment that left me questioning my response to a customer query. Now, customers ask me a LOT of questions during each and every shift (when I'm no longer working there, I plan to write about some of them) and because a high level of interaction is required, I turn into the perkiest, chattiest Cathy you ever did see. So not me in general, but it's kind of part of the role. I'm used to being questioned and responding in a friendly manner and tonight was no exception. The question this time was a first for me, though.

A nice man (who had been kind enough to let an older lady go first because he was indecisive about what to get), who I would say is around my age, was ordering his candy and I was getting it bagged for him. I think he asked a question or two about what kind of boxes were available and it was a pleasant interaction. Then he smiled and asked, "It must be really hard for your other half to get you something special for Valentine's Day when you work in a chocolate shop, huh?" I didn't really think about it too much, I just replied honestly, smiling, "Well, if I had another half then, yes, it might be difficult for him!"

At least two of the ladies in line visibly cringed and one said, "Ohhhh..." in an "Ooh, you stepped in it, mister," kind of way. I could tell that he didn't really know what to say for a moment, so I continued on in an attempt to mitigate his embarrassment, "But then, I love getting chocolate so it really wouldn't be all that hard!" I kept smiling and finished the transaction. He recovered and was smiling again when he left.

I was left to wonder if being honest (but pleasant) wasn't the right move in this case, however. Because while I didn't mean to put him on the spot, he was making a common assumption I encounter all the time: Coupled, until proven otherwise. I'm used to setting the record straight, so it came naturally and there was no ill will intended in my answer. Now I'm thinking, however, that it wasn't actually meant as a personal question -- it was really just like the ones I get all the time along the lines of "Oh, how can you stand to work here without eating chocolate all the time?!?" -- so perhaps I should have just played it off with a laughing, "Oh, it is!" or something similar.

Was the so-called "social lie" called for in this case? What do you think?

We Have A Winner!

2010-01-30T23:53:00.000-08:00

So today was the big day; the guesses were all in and tallied last night so all that remained was to see how much money was actually in Mr. Donkey. He and I went off to a local supermarket with a Coinstar machine to get ourselves a winner. There's time for a quick picture to set the stage.

I think he's waving, but it was hard to tell.

Resigned to his fate.

Then it was time to disgorge his contents and see what we had to be counted. He didn't give it up easily, I must say, as I had a hell of a time getting the plug out. [Insert your own joke here.] It took a little more effort to get all the coins out, but finally the silver started flowing.

A little privacy, please.

I selected the UNICEF Haiti Emergency Fund and got the confirmation screen.

We took a look at what we had to offer before starting the big count, then I started to feed the coins into the machine. I was a little giddy with anticipation because I couldn't wait to see how much was actually in there. (If you think I knew, I didn't. There was no way I was going to count all that myself if the machine was going to do it for me.)

Is it just me or does he look a little sad at this point?

The machine went clicky, clicky, clicky, clack for a while, doing its tallying and totaling. At first it looked to me like there wasn't going to be as much as I'd hoped, but then it started to get caught up and when it stopped, this is what the screen said:

Much to my surprise, someone guessed the total on the button: Duchess!! You are the big winner, my pregnant friend! I will send your prize pack off to you as soon as possible.

Thank you to everyone who participated. I had so much fun putting this together and watching the guesses come in. And a special thank you to the good folks at Coinstar, who got involved and tweeted about the giveaway, then very generously donated some gift certificate love (Can you say iTunes, friends?) that will appear in a future giveaway. This was my best blogoversary yet and you have energized me for the year ahead.

Ping: My Boy Finn

2010-01-27T06:00:00.000-08:00

It has been a long time since I've done any catblogging (and some of you *cough* Kathy *cough* are probably peachy-keen with that oversight). But when I had my camera out last week to take pictures of Mr. Donkey, I snapped a few shots of Finn and thought I'd share one.

He still hates having his picture taken, almost as much as me, so it wasn't easy to get him to look at me. I have to play on his inability to ignore my little clicky noises for long. He's gotten really big (that vet who told me he'd be "a big boy" sure knew what she was talking about!) but there's still that same kissable nose and chewable ears. He puts up with me accosting him on a daily basis because I can't resist snatching him up for a snuggle or two. But then, I am The Mighty Holder of the Food.

Play That Funky Music, White Girl

2010-01-24T20:08:00.000-08:00

I went out last night with friends and had a great time. There was sushi and sake, beer and darts; it could hardly have been better. During the course of the evening, the idea of going dancing sometime in the future came up. Half of us were in favor of it, half of us weren't. I fell into the "not in favor" camp.

It's not that I hate dancing, it's just that I'm not all that good at it, I don't enjoy it much and it's not something I look forward to doing. Weddings are pretty much it, and I haven't been to one of those in years. I do, however, really enjoy a lot of dance music. Someone pointed out a few years ago that the songs I turn up on the car radio are almost all dance tunes, yet I don't want to go dancing. True. I'm also that person at a concert who's pissed when the person(s) in front of me to stand and dance the ENTIRE time the musicians are performing. I am paying to see the musicians and hear their music, not watch someone's lame-ass dancing in three feet of space. There, I said it. If you're that person, I'm sorry, but that's how I (and some other people, I know for a fact) feel.

But I digress. When this week's list came up, "List your favorite dance songs," I had to really think about it. I think of songs as just ones I love, in general; I don't necessarily divide them into categories like that. So here, for your ridiculing pleasure, is my latest list, in no particular order.

List 4: My Favorite Dance Songs

Crazy in Love - Beyoncé
Push It - Salt-N-Pepa
Let's Go Crazy - Prince
Hips Don't Lie - Shakira
Boom Boom Pow - Black Eyed Peas
Vogue - Madonna
Brick House - Commodores
Fergalicious - Fergie
Promiscuous - Nelly Furtado
Love Shack - The B-52s

Clearly I skew toward female artists for my dance tunes, and I have an affinity for 80s music. Feel free to tell me what yours are (or why mine suck *sniff*) in the comments.

A Blogoversary Giveaway!

2010-01-22T19:36:00.000-08:00

One Ping Only turns six today! Sometimes it feel like it has been forever, but other times it feels like it has been no time at all. I'm not going to wax poetic about it, I'll just say thanks to those of you who have been a part of it during some or all of that time. It means a lot to me, especially your comments (yes, Ben, I do put a lot of stock in the commenting!) and the fact that you are supportive even when I'm spotty on regular posting. OK, on to the fun part!

To celebrate the blogoversary, I'm doing a little giveaway. I'll be sending to one winner the following:

A copy of My Life. My Loves. My Lists. (For you to do your own lists this year)
A $20 Starbucks card (Or Peet's or the like, if you'd prefer)
The new Norah Jones CD, The Fall (I'm loving listening to it right now.)
Two single-serve packets of Nutella (In honor of my friends who are big Nutella fans)
A six-pack of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (Don't need to explain those, do I?)
A donation in your honor to the UNICEF Haiti Emergency Fund (Keep reading for info on that one)

Here's the deal: It's a simple affair, no requirement to tweet about it (though if you wish to, you're certainly welcome to); subscribe (again, unless you'd like to), write an essay or otherwise turn cartwheels. All you have to do is submit a guess in the comments, in the form of a dollar amount, as to how much money you think is in this bank:

Though he looks like a hippo, the fine people of Target said he's a donkey. So, it's a donkey bank.

I love banks and I have probably too many of them. I put all my change in them -- my rule is that if any coin makes it to my room in my pants pockets at the end of the day, it goes in a bank -- with one for just pennies and one for silver coins. Mr. Donkey there is the one with silver coins. Usually when he fills up, I take them all out and wrap them up and bring them to the bank for a little mad money.

He's almost full and instead of saving the money, I'm going to take Mr. Donkey to a Coinstar machine when the entry time is over and his contents will be tallied up and donated to the UNICEF Haiti Emergency Fund in honor of the person who can guess how much he holds. To give you some perspective on the size of the bank, here he is posing in front of my laptop next to a soda can. (That is not an ad for Dell, by the way, I just needed a clean background!)

What I'm looking for is a guess of the total that will appear when his contents are emptied into the Coinstar machine. Because there's only silver coins inside, the total will be to the nearest nickel. The person whose guess in the comments is closest to that total wins -- that's it! If two guesses are the same distance away from the correct amount, the person with the guess under the total will win. I was going to limit it to North America, but what the hell, it's only postage, right? (However, I don't think the Starbucks card can be used outside the U.S. so I'd have to leave that out. That would go to the next-closest person in the U.S.) Comments with a guess must be submitted by 11:59pm PST on January 29, 2010 to be eligible.

Let me be clear: This money is getting donated to this cause even if no one enters. I just don't like random number generators all that much and picking names from a hat is a lot of work -- I did it once and that was enough. I thought this would at least be a different way of picking a winner! Also, I have no idea how much is in there; I'll find out when the total shows up on the screen, which I'll take a picture of to share here.

So help me celebrate my blog's anniversary with a little fun and a little giving; two things I believe in greatly.

The People I Know

2010-01-17T23:11:00.000-08:00

This week's list was an interesting one for me -- "List the children and babies that you know" -- because it goes right to the heart of a post that has been brewing for a while. The thing is, two years ago, here is how that list would have looked:

Would-be List 3 - Children and Babies I Know

(None)

The difference between now and then is AllMediocre and Twitter and the incredible people they've brought into my life. And that difference is huge because many of the people I met by those means are parents who are now a part of my life.

List 3 - Children and Babies I Know

The thing that makes this list somewhat different, apart from the obvious fact that it's far lengthier than it would otherwise have been, is that I have met some of these children in person and some I haven't.

But it doesn't matter because I know them; their parents are my friends.

Some of their parents I have met in person, and some I haven't. And that doesn't matter, either.

I no longer distinguish my friends by how I know them. There is no "in real life/IRL" and "online" in my lexicon of friendship any more. None. It's gone. If people ask me to clarify who I'm talking about, I do, but my friendship with The Duchess or Kathy is no less meaningful to me than my friendship with someone I get to see more frequently (or ever) simply by virtue of location. The fact we've seen each other only once or haven't seen each other face-to-face is meaningless to me. That kind of thinking is outdated. How you meet and make a friend does not define that friendship anymore than the length of time you've known someone or their proximity to you defines a friendship. Friendship is far more complex than that and the Internet has broadened our friendship horizons exponentially.

I think some are threatened by that broadening of horizons, so they ridicule and resent the friendships their loved ones have with people they've met in a manner other than what they consider to be "real." One part of me is frustrated by this...and frustrated often. The other part of me feels bad for both my friends who encounter this and their loved ones, because the loved ones are limiting themselves and limiting their partners (or trying) when they feel threatened by what they don't understand. Many of these loved ones cite safety concerns and there are certainly some people online whose intentions are less than good. However, in the same way that the news scares us daily with cautionary tales of evildoing, whether online or in our neighborhood, not everyone can be painted with that same brush of fear or we'd never leave our houses. Doing so toward people who spend part of their lives online is simply another form of discrimination, as they're judging people they don't know based on one facet of those people.

I'm quite certain that these loved ones don't see it that way. I imagine they think they're looking out for their partners (and, by extension, their families) because they love them. What they don't realize, in my opinion, is that they're also trying to substitute their judgment for their partner's judgment to a large degree, and that doesn't honor their bond one bit. Most of us are not dumb enough to blindly trust the people we meet online. We all get taken in by people from time to time; it happens, it's part of life and it's by no means limited to "people from the Internet." When you spend time online, you learn to assess people by their presence there, the same way you assess people in your office or class when you have to decide who you can trust and who you can't. To make an assumption that someone means to harm or dupe your partner just because their connection isn't face-to-face is to question your partner's ability to make that kind of assessment.

It's also ignorant to think that if your partner meets someone at the club or a party or in the PTA, they will make a better friend than someone they met on Twitter. Who exactly do you think is on Twitter? It's the people at your grocery store and your gym, it's the people in your office and your softball league, it's the people living next door to you and across the street. They are, quite literally, as real as you are and denying that does no justice to your own common sense and no credit to your intellect.

I make a real effort to meet my friends in person whenever possible. It's important to me because of this distrust that some of their loved ones have about their "invisible friends" or "Twitter buddies." Sometimes I feel like I'm on a one-woman crusade to prove to them that we're not all actually 30 year-old men living in our parent's basement who pretend to be women online. It doesn't always work and my feelings on the subject have come between me at least one friend, which saddens me greatly. But it matters to me what their loved ones think because they are a major part of my friends' lives and I respect them for that role. It's not enjoyable to know they sometimes don't respect my role in their partner's life because of how they know me.

My life has been enriched immeasurably by the people I consider to be my friends, and I look forward to continue getting out there and spending time with them, their kids and their loved ones whenever possible. And when I can't, my days are made brighter by their presence on my laptop.

Making Progress

2010-01-13T13:45:00.000-08:00

I've been taking my list of goals for the year seriously and I'm trying to be mindful of the items on it, in order to look for opportunities to advance them. (I think blogging three times this week -- so far -- is a fine example of that!) I realized that my blog anniversary is coming up, and it would be nice to have made progress on my "Get a new blog design" goal before then.

Last night I decided to take the plunge and made major changes to the layout. I figured that if I pay someone to do a full-blown re-design, I'll have to upgrade it on Blogger in any case, so might as well do that. I've been cobbling together bits and pieces of HTML on the original layout to keep things afloat for a couple years and it just gets harder and harder to make it what I want. That is simply not where my talents lie.

As you can see, if you've ever been here before, things look seriously different. I realize that it's not great just yet, there are still a lot of things that need to be tweaked. I'd let you tell me what you like or don't like, but the biggest problem I've encountered is that my comment function is not working with the new template. I'm sure it's an easy fix, but I haven't been able to puzzle it out on my own. I'm getting some help with it, but people have been coming to visit today and I wanted to thank you and apologize for not having comments working.

Because of this, I've added something now that I'd planned to add later: A link to me on Twitter. I've resisted doing that for a long time, but the reasons for doing so seem less relevant to me now. Twitter has become a huge part of my life and I want to integrate it into my blog. Over there to the right is a rather clunky-looking widget, which I hope to improve on, that will take you to my Twitter page. If you're not already following me there, I hope you'll come by and say hey. If you are, please feel free to leave your feedback there until I get the comments up and running. Because, let's face it, tweets are great but there's nothing to equal a comment left with a post.

So, technically, I've met the challenge of my goal because this definitely constitutes a "new blog design." But I'm not ready to cross it off because it's not the final version and it doesn't meet the spirit of the goal. So let's consider it to be struck through with a dotted line for the time being. I'll keep updating the progress over there in the Welcome message and I hope you'll come back to watch as things develop.

***UPDATE: For the moment, it's essentially back to the old template. But the header and comments are back up. (Thank you Emma!) But the Welcome message I mentioned is gone. This will be a work in progress. Thanks for your patience.***

Now Showing: Movies I Missed

2010-01-11T13:43:00.000-08:00

I was amused at how much I enjoyed writing and posting yesterday's entry. I suppose I shouldn't be; I know I'm a cyclical kind of person and the things I like to do wax and wane during a year.

But this morning I knew I needed to cross one thing off the list (already, yay!) and add one thing to it, seeing as how they're related.

Crossing off: ~~Find a volunteer position~~
Adding: Watch as many of the movies that "everyone" has seen that I haven't

"How can these possibly be related?" you may ask. It's a fair question, but they actually are.

Since it was a list of goals for the year, I went ahead and included the finding of a volunteer position. In actuality, I'd already found one and it just started. I'm volunteering at a local library, doing one of my favorite things: looking for books and other library materials when they are requested by patrons. There's nothing I love more than a treasure hunt, and it's like a new treasure hunt every time I go. It's like a little win when I find a title that's on the "We've looked before but haven't found it" list, I must say.

Among the things I get to hunt down are videos (yes, there are still some) and DVDs. When I spent a little more time in the DVD section, I was amazed at how many recent movies were there, as well as many that have been in my "meaning to see" category for ages. That, of course, spawns another list. You might be surprised by some of the movies on it, but there are many popular movies that I don't go to see, especially if everyone is hyping it up. I'm also one of the few people in the country who doesn't use Netflix, or many of these would have been ones I'd have had in my queue and probably would have seen while I was waiting for the newer movies.

List 2: Movies I've Been Meaning To See

All About Eve
Almost Famous
Annie Hall
Atonement
Bonnie and Clyde
Borat
Breaking Away
Brokeback Mountain
Bullitt
Burn After Reading
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
Casino
Chinatown (I tried to watch this once before, but I fell asleep)
Cold Mountain
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Dr. Strangelove
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Fame (original)
Fast Times at Ridgemont High (I know, I know, but I haven't seen it)
Finding Neverland
Flags of Our Fathers
Frost/Nixon
Garden State
Giant
Glengarry Glen Ross
The Godfather Part II
Goodfellas
Gorillas in the Mist
Grand Hotel
Harold and Maude
Hotel Rwanda
The Hustler
An Inconvenient Truth
Letters From Iwo Jima
L.A. Confidential
The Manchurian Candidate (original)
Midnight Cowboy
Michael Clayton
Meet Me In St. Louis
Monster's Ball
Moonstruck
Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
Mulholland Drive
Napoleon Dynamite
Network
An Officer and a Gentleman
The Queen
The Pianist
The Producers (both versions)
Ratatouille
Ray
Rebel Without a Cause
Reservoir Dogs
The Right Stuff
Rushmore
Saving Private Ryan
Schindler's List
Seven
Slap Shot
Some Like It Hot
Taxi Driver
Terms of Endearment
This Is Spinal Tap
To Kill a Mockingbird
12 Angry Men
The Usual Suspects
Young Frankenstein

All over the map, isn't it? It's a lot longer than I anticipated, but once I got started, I decided to go all out. I don't know how many of these the library actually has, and there's no way I'm going to fit them all in this year, but at least I've finally got them down in one place.

The Year of Lists

2010-01-10T22:25:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! I figured that I'd let all the other bloggers do their new year posts first, so you wouldn't get overwhelmed.

OK, we both know that's a lie. As usual, I put it off because I don't do resolutions and I wasn't sure yet what I wanted to say for my first post of the year.

Finally, inspiration struck the other day, in Barnes & Noble, of all places. I took my mom there so she could get a 2010 calendar book for her appointments. B&N usually has so many and discounts them by 50% after Christmas/New Years, so we were hoping for a good buy. While she was perusing the selection (which was pretty thin by then, unfortunately), I checked out a few and hit gold. I found a rather unassuming-looking volume called Listography Weekly Calendar: Your Year In Lists.

I love lists. I think most people do. I don't make them as frequently or as predictably as some (e.g., the ubiquitous "My Top 10 List of the Year!"), but there's something incredibly satisfying about making and completing a list, some of the reasons for which I was amused to find here. The Listography calendar, while it serves as a conventional weekly planner, has the additional twist of giving you a topical list to complete each week, accompanied by a quirky illustration. As the back cover says, the lists "range from autobiographical to aspirational to holiday-specific" and I fell in love with the idea of the calendar guiding me to make lists to share here.

Because, let's face it, I'm not always good with the ol' follow-through here at The Ping. The only thing that I successfully did for an extended period of time was The Year of Living Generously, and even that had an element of failure because I felt I couldn't write about it after a certain point. (I did complete it, though, even after being laid off, and I'm pretty proud of that!)

The calendars topics are random enough to keep my interest (I'm hoping), amusing and relevant enough to make for some good posts (I'm really hoping), and already prepared so I won't have to struggle for a topic. The idea of that makes me a little giddy, I have to admit, so I'm encouraged that it's something I can stick with for a while.

As we've completed the first full week of our new year, it's time for the first list (hopefully the first of many!) in no particular order except as how they occurred to me.

List 1: My Goals For The Upcoming Year

Take another trip to Los Angeles to visit friends
Find or create a job that I can stand
Get a new blog design
Put together a disaster-preparedness kit
Blog more regularly
Find a volunteer position
Complete some cross-stitch projects
Pare down my possessions
Drink more wine
Take more photos and organize them

Thoughts? Questions? Goals of your own to share? Hit me up in the comments and let me know.

Hat In Hand, Doing A Little Begging

2009-12-28T11:12:00.000-08:00

I realize that posting here has been nonexistent for a while now. I apologize if you've come by looking for something new and finding nothing but BFL picks. I've just been too tired and busy to be creative. I had a holiday job that took up a LOT of time and energy, and I plan to write about it, but I needed to take the Christmas break to rest up, especially as I started to come down with a cold the day before Christmas! I haven't left the house in three days now, and it was a good respite.

During that time, I had a decision to make. Not a terribly important one, but one that I went back and forth, back and forth on for a while. The commenting system I've used here since the start got bought by another company a while back and they decided that the day after Christmas was the last day I could use it without paying. If I did nothing, I'd lose all the comments I had. I could export them but I had zero idea how to do that successfully and zero energy to try to figure it out. Honestly, I felt a little like I was being held hostage.

The larger problem is that this blog, technologically speaking, is being held together by duct tape and bubble gum. The banner disappeared and it's on the oldest Blogger platform available, which tests my abilities any time I want to make a change. It needs a complete makeover, but I can't decide which direction to go, so I've just kept it in a holding pattern. I really need a blog guru but haven't spent the time finding one and can't really justify an expense for it right now, given that I have been pretty delinquent in keeping up with it!

So why am I writing now? After all my back-and-forthing I decided to pony up and not lose my comments until I can figure out the direction I want to go in here (and see if I can find someone to fix the joint up for me!). So while it's a similar commenting system, there are changes and I don't really know if I've got it set up as it should be. I tried to keep the hoops you must jump through at a minimum, while trying to keep out meanies and anonymouths.

But I need you to help me test it. Even if it's just to say hi, I'd be ever so grateful if you'd leave a comment to this post to let me know it's working. If you have feedback about how it's working from the user perspective, that would be ideal. If you're feeling chatty, tell me what you're looking forward to most in the New Year. Thanks for your help!

[UPDATE: After getting some feedback, I took off the settings that required logging in, so it should be pretty seamless now. Thanks to those of you who took the time to help me out with this.]

Just Under the Wire

2009-12-13T09:41:00.000-08:00

Another set of last-minute picks from me!

Thursday
Pittsburgh @ Cleveland - no pick (Arrrgh, Thursday games!)

Sunday
New Orleans @ Atlanta
Green Bay @ Chicago
Denver @ Indianapolis
Buffalo @ Kansas City
NY Jets @ Tampa Bay
Miami @ Jacksonville
Detroit @ Baltimore
Seattle @ Houston
Cincinnati @ Minnesota
Carolina @ New England
St. Louis @ Tennessee
Washington @ Oakland
San Diego @ Dallas
Philadelphia @ NY Giants

Monday Night
Arizona @ San Francisco
Combined MNF Score = 42

Good luck to everyone.

A (Turkey) Wing and A Prayer

2009-11-26T09:05:00.000-08:00

Oy, again with the Thursday games! Thanks to Greis, I'm getting my picks in just under the wire. Usually I do a lot more thinking and researching, but since I don't have the time, I'm going with pure gut this time. Here's hoping!

Thursday
Green Bay @ Detroit
Oakland @ Dallas
NY Giants @ Denver

Sunday
Indianapolis @ Houston
Tampa Bay @ Atlanta
Miami @ Buffalo
Cleveland @ Cincinnati
Seattle @ St. Louis
Carolina @ NY Jets
Washington @ Philadelphia
Arizona @ Tennessee
Chicago @ Minnesota
Kansas City @ San Diego
Jacksonville @ San Francisco
Pittsburgh @ Baltimore

Monday Night
New England @ New Orleans
Combined MNF Score = 42

Happy Thanksgiving to you all. I hope it's a filling, fulfilling and sweet one!

Happy Birthday: Revealing/Reveling

2009-11-24T22:46:00.000-08:00

Today is my birthday.

In person, I'm always completely open about my age and will offer it without hesitation. I'm not a believer in lying about age; it's pointless because you're exactly as old as you are, no matter what you say, and there's no shame in proclaiming your actual age. Maybe this is due in part to my looking older than I was as a teen (which was good then) and then looking younger than I am as an adult, but it's just a strong belief for me.

However, I've been less forthcoming here and I was reflecting on that earlier today. I think the reason is two-fold: First, once it's laid out online, it's a fact frozen in time. Second, people often have preconceptions of someone based on their age, and that's something you can't overcome online because you don't "meet" them and see their personality.

I can't change either of those things, but I've decided that it just doesn't matter to me all that much anymore. Mellowing with age? Perhaps.

Today is my 42nd birthday and I'm happier with who I am than I have been at any other point in my life. I'm grateful every day for my family and my friends, both those I see in person and those with whom I interact solely online. I've come through a huge change in my work life and I'm finding my way just fine. The landscape of people in my life has also undergone changes, some of which were hard to take, but all I can do is appreciate the time I had with some people and not lament their absence. Are there some things that are missing, things that might make my life even fuller? Sure. But they don't diminish the person I am today. I'm not defined by them any more than I'm defined by my age alone.

So Happy 42nd Birthday to me. Here's a toast to number 43 and all those beyond, with a nod to all those behind.

Better Late Than Never

2009-11-21T22:37:00.000-08:00

My picks. Yes, I'm late so I don't have one for the game on Thursday. I just couldn't get it together on Wednesday and I couldn't talk myself into caring. This season isn't really engaging me, I must say.

But I do wish everyone good luck and hope that I'm wrong on my pick against San Francisco.

Thursday Night
Miami @ Carolina - no pick

Pittsburgh @ Kansas City
Cleveland @ Detroit
New Orleans @ Tampa Bay
Atlanta @ NY Giants
Buffalo @ Jacksonville
Washington @ Dallas
Seattle @ Minnesota
San Francisco @ Green Bay
Indianapolis @ Baltimore
Arizona @ St. Louis
NY Jets @ New England
San Diego @ Denver
Cincinnati @ Oakland
Philadelphia @ Chicago

Monday Night
Tennessee @ Houston
Combined MNF Score = 49

Premature Prognostication

2009-11-12T12:00:00.000-08:00

So. We're back at that point in the season when they start showing games on Thursday. I don't really get why they do that, to be honest; It's more annoying (to me) than anything. But surprisingly, the NFL hasn't asked for my opinion on the matter!

Last week my friend Heather won her first week, which was great, and my friend Kathy narrowly missed winning her first week! (Shakes fist at Denver) It's been a lot of fun and great competition this season.

Thanks to Greis reminding me, I'm getting my picks in even though it feels entirely too early:

Thursday Night
Chicago @ San Francisco
Atlanta @ Carolina
Tampa Bay @ Miami
Detroit @ Minnesota
Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh
Buffalo @ Tennessee
Denver @ Washington
New Orleans @ St. Louis
Jacksonville @ NY Jets
Kansas City @ Oakland
Seattle @ Arizona
Dallas @ Green Bay
Philadelphia @ San Diego
New England @ Indianapolis

Monday Night
Baltimore @ Cleveland
Combined MNF Score = 40

Stick to Whistling While You Work

2009-11-07T23:59:00.000-08:00

I was watching TV tonight when I saw a commercial that sparked a memory: A woman was tooling around her lawn on a mower, whistling and looking generally happy and carefree.

When I lived in New York, we had a really big backyard. A big backyard full of lawn. Beautiful, but a lot to mow and it was my job to mow it for a number of years. We had a self-propelled lawnmower but not a riding mower; the lawn was big but not quite big enough to justify that expense. It was a job I didn't particularly enjoy but I tried to make the best of it. (Okay, I bitched and moaned about it generally, but in the end I got it done before the grass was high enough to lose the dog in it.)

One day while out mowing, with the motor roaring and making such a racket, I figured I'd sing to distract and entertain myself, seeing as how no one could possibly hear me over the mower. Right? (Ah, the naiveté of youth.) So I was singing my heart out, throwing in a little opera just for fun. Finally, sweating and singing my way through it, I finished and went in the house for a drink of something cold. I told my mom I was done, and that I'd been singing while I did it.

She hesitated and said, "I know. I could hear you. Loud and clear." (Read: I could hear your caterwauling and so could the neighbors.)

This would be the time to point out that I really can't sing. And I totally can't sing opera. At all.

Yeah, that was mortifying.

I think I was able to convince her that it was probably time for my brother to take over that task right around the point in time.

A Little Pride, A Little Crow

2009-11-07T23:27:00.000-08:00

Last week was a good one for me in the BFL! I tied for the win with the charming Tom and earned this badge:

(Or at least half of it!)

There are some awesome prognosticators playing this season, so I don't feel terribly hopeful that I'll repeat this week, even though I feel good about my choices. But good luck to everyone playing and many thanks to Greis for continuing to do such a great job in organizing it all!

Houston @ Indianapolis
Washington @ Atlanta
Arizona @ Chicago
Baltimore @ Cincinnati
Miami @ New England
Green Bay @ Tampa Bay
Kansas City @ Jacksonville
Detroit @ Seattle
Carolina @ New Orleans
San Diego @ NY Giants
Tennessee @ San Francisco
Dallas @ Philadelphia

Monday Night Football
Pittsburgh @ Denver
Combined MNF Score = 51

Really no point in continuing with the recipes, so I guess I give up. If someone is actually reading and enjoying them, if would be helpful if you let me know. I realize it's my own fault for such spotting posting over the last few months, however.

Pick(s) and Treat

2009-10-31T21:32:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween! I'm not sure if me posting tonight should be considered a trick or a treat...since it's just my BFL picks, I'm going to lean toward trick. But I'm going to do it in seasonal orange, so that's something.

Houston @ Buffalo
Cleveland @ Chicago
Seattle @ Dallas
St. Louis @ Detroit
San Francisco @ Indianapolis
Miami @ NY Jets
Denver @ Baltimore
NY Giants @ Philadelphia
Minnesota @ Green Bay
Oakland @ San Diego
Jacksonville @ Tennessee
Carolina @ Arizona

Monday Night Football
Atlanta @ New Orleans
Combined MNF Score = 67

As the treat, a recipe for Pumpkin Muffins with Honey Butter from Eat Drink and Blog.

Hope you got lots of little goblins and ghouls in your neighborhood tonight!

Back on Track

2009-10-24T11:43:00.000-07:00

So last week I completely screwed up and forgot to make my picks! However, Tom and Vince did so well that it would've been pointless in any case. (It's my rationalization and I'll stick to it if I want to.) It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't helpfully provided a reminder to others about making picks! Chagrined, yes.

But this week I'm on top of it. I still think the Tom/Vince juggernaut is going to be hard to beat, but hey, you never know. So here are my picks for this week, in bold and color.

Minnesota @ Pittsburgh
San Francisco @ Houston
San Diego @ Kansas City
Green Bay @ Cleveland
Indianapolis @ St. Louis
New England @ Tampa Bay
Buffalo @ Carolina
NY Jets @ Oakland
Atlanta @ Dallas
Chicago @ Cincinnati
New Orleans @ Miami
Arizona @ NY Giants

Monday Night
Philadelphia @ Washington
Combined MNF Score = 40

This week's recipe from Eat Drink and Blog is Orzo Italiano. I love orzo and think it's pretty underutilized. So if you're looking pasta that's a little different from the everyday, consider giving it a try. This recipe is simple and sounds delicious.

A Story About Toy Story

2009-10-10T21:45:00.000-07:00

I've been struggling to come up with something that I'm willing to write about. Oh, there's plenty I'd like to write about, but I don't feel like this is the place. It just isn't, for me, beyond a certain point.

My life has, in some ways, changed so incredibly much in the last few months; in other ways, it's exactly the same, which can be its own problem. I'm not working for the first time in longer than I can remember. I'm grateful that I have the luxury of not feeling unbearable pressure to get back out there, though I am looking. There are other aspects, of course, but right about there is where I stop being interested in writing about it.

That doesn't make for much of a post, so you can see my dilemma. Finally today, however, I did something that made me feel like writing so I figured I'd get all that out of the way and move on with something other than just my football picks.

I never used to like 3D movies. The glasses were ridiculous, didn't really work half the time and the effect was never as good as it promised to be. But prior to last year, it had probably been decades since I'd seen a whole movie in 3D. I went to see Coraline while it was out in 3D and, while I liked-but-didn't-love the movie itself, I was pretty impressed with how much better the 3D effect was.

That made me more inclined to go see Up, which I enjoyed so much, and I was once again pleased with the improvement to 3D technology. After a while, I even forgot that I was wearing the glasses and that's really saying something in my book. Well, I forgot about them until I had to reach up and wipe the tears away, but that's not terribly relevant, now is it?

One of the previews at Up was for a double feature of Toy Story and Toy Story 2 in 3D. It had been years since I'd seen them and I thought it would be interesting to see them again, both because of the 3D thing and to familiarize myself with them anew, as I'd heard that Toy Story 3 was in the works. (It is.) No one else I asked was inclined to go so I decided today that I'd go by myself, as they're advertising it as being in theaters for only two weeks. (I'm guessing that it will likely be extended if it's making money, but I didn't want to take the chance.)

I always experience trepidation about going to see what's considered to be a "kid movie" because I really dislike having the movie disrupted by noise. Now, the parents who read this could be bothered/offended by that statement. What I usually hear at this point is, "But it's a kid's movie, you have to expect kids and kid noise." I get that, I really do. And let me make it clear, I love kids and I love that they enjoy movies. But I also think there's a lack of accountability on the part of SOME parents -- some, not all, probably not you, but you can't deny some -- who take kids who are too young or too antsy to make it through a feature-length film. I also get the reasons for this. They are influenced by ads and by merchandising and beg to go, even if they're not ready for outside-the-home moviewatching; the older kids want to go but they're certainly not old enough to go alone, so you have to go with them and can't leave the younger one(s) out; it's cheaper to take kids to a movie than to get a sitter; it's a kid's movie, why shouldn't you take them, everyone else's kids will be making noise. I'm sure there are others.

My problem is that I had to pay to go see it, too. If a kid chatters and questions and exclaims throughout it, I'm not able to enjoy it.* I've been told to "just ignore it;" if I could, I would. But I can't and I have little recourse if it's a "kid's movie." I can't say anything because it's a kid. I'm supposed to be OK with it, no matter what. I really don't want to be the jerk. But when exactly can I go see it when there won't be any kids? Never -- there doesn't seem to be any time that some people won't take their kids to a movie. And, much as I wish there were, there aren't any "adult theaters" that don't instantly mean X-rated films, at least not around here. (I know some exist that are more like a dinner theater where they serve food and alcohol, and I imagine kids aren't allowed, but I've never been to one and they certainly don't have any near me.) So do I have to miss the fun of seeing a movie in the theater? Do I just have to wait until it comes out on DVD? No. I don't buy that, sorry.

So, for me, going to an animated movie is a crap shoot. There are times when it's absolutely fine and the kids there are practically angels or, if they're not, the parent takes them out until they can calm down (and I really wish that all theaters had a room where they could take them so that they could both see and hear while the soothing is going on, because I feel bad that the parent has to lose the thread of the movie) and we all enjoy ourselves. Then there are times when I feel like tearing my hair out, but I sit there and take it and stew, and any enjoyment is ruined.

Today, since I was going alone, I decided to ask for one of the assisted listening devices. I traded in my driver license and got a headset to wear. I figured I'd give this a shot, because I thought maybe it would help in case there were some kids for whom a double feature was just too long. So, there I sat, looking quite the fool with both the 3D glasses and the headset with the little flashing red light. (I purposely didn't look too closely at the headset; while I know they sanitize the glasses before they're re-used, I'm willing to bet money that they don't do anything of the sort for the headsets and goodness only knows how many other heads mine sat on. For the sake of a peaceful experience for everyone, I ignored that thought.)

And guess what? It worked pretty well. There was some buzzing that was especially bothersome during the quiet parts (I just turned them down for a few moments), they died out a couple times (I fiddled with them until they came back) and by the end of the first film my ears hurt a little from the pressure (I took them off for a little while and took off my earrings), but overall it was a pretty good solution. I could hear that there was noise from time to time, but it became peripheral and didn't prevent me from hearing the dialog, so I didn't mind. It's not a perfect fix, but it's a decent one that I'll use again.

Oh, and the movies? They were just as good as the first time, enhanced by the 3D, and I was surprised at how much of both of them I had actually forgotten over the years. I suggest you go if you have the chance. With or without the kids.

* For any movie, if some inconsiderate jerk talks, has a ringing phone, kicks my seat repeatedly or -- my favorite -- sits there and translates the movie for someone with them...the entire thing...it's a problem. But if it's a teen or adult, I do have recourse, and I'll take it. I'll speak up or move or get an attendant or just leave and ask for my money back, depending on the severity. Movies that are designed to appeal to kids are a different matter. And I'm not expecting perfect silence; I'm not an idiot, that's unreasonable. I'm not talking here about "normal" movie-viewing noise. I'm talking repeated or non-stop disruption, in case that wasn't clear.

Quick But Tasty Picks

2009-10-10T21:13:00.000-07:00

Here are my picks for this week's BFL extravaganza:

Cleveland @ Buffalo
Pittsburgh @ Detroit
Dallas @ Kansas City
Minnesota @ St. Louis
Oakland @ NY Giants
Tampa Bay @ Philadelphia
Washington @ Carolina
Cincinnati @ Baltimore
Atlanta @ San Francisco
Jacksonville @ Seattle
Houston @ Arizona
New England @ Denver
Indianapolis @ Tennessee

Monday Night:
NY Jets @ Miami
Combined MNF Score = 37

(EDIT: Forgot to mention that my picks are in bold and gold again.)

And even though I don't think anyone particularly cares whether or not I include a recipe -- given the complete lack of feedback on the ones I've posted thus far -- I'm going to go with The Best Cookie Ever because it's easy, yummy-sounding and contains a perfect amount of chocolate. I plan to comfort myself with it while losing yet another week's worth of picks.

Good luck to all the other participants this week!

Another Week In Football

2009-10-03T20:15:00.000-07:00

So far I'm really not doing well with my BFL picks. But last week I (and almost everyone else) was beaten to a pulp by Vince so I really didn't have a prayer! Congrats to him for a big win.

The only thing I'm going to do different this week, however, is change the color of my picks. Yes, it's girly but I've got nothing.

Tampa Bay @ Washington
NY Giants @ Kansas City
Cincinnati @ Cleveland
Oakland @ Houston
Tennessee @ Jacksonville
Seattle @ Indianapolis
Detroit @ Chicago
Baltimore @ New England
Buffalo @ Miami
NY Jets @ New Orleans
St. Louis @ San Francisco
Dallas @ Denver
San Diego @ Pittsburgh

Monday Night:
Green Bay @ Minnesota
Combined MNF Score = 45

And for the Eat Drink & Blog recipe this week, let's go with Sour Cream Banana Bread because so far this football pool has been somewhat bananas for me. And really, is there anything more yummy than banana bread with chocolate chips in it?

(That last question is called foreshadowing, by the way...if I get around to writing the next post I have in my head, that is.)

Looking for a Win

2009-09-26T23:28:00.001-07:00

I did respectably well with last week's BFL picks, but the big winner was Radio Carla. There were upsets, just not the ones I guessed! Congrats to Carla and thanks to all the other participants for a fun first week.

This week I am in charge of the spreadsheet while Amazing Greis is off on her long-awaited cruise. I guess this means I have to pay more attention than I did last Sunday. The whole day went by and I didn't see a minute of a single game, except in highlights. I will ask for your patience on any intra-day updating as I'm not sure I'll be home all day; it's supposed to be close to 100 degrees here tomorrow and there's no air conditioning in this place. If it gets too hot, I will be heading out!

Don't forget that this is a week-by-week pool. You can jump in and out at your leisure -- there's no penalty for missing a week, apart from just not being able to win that week! So if you've been on the sidelines because you don't want to commit to it, worry not and join us at any time. All the rules (and there aren't many) are at Greis' site.

Before I get to my picks, this week's recipe pick from Eat Drink & Blog is "Freaking Delicious Orange Rolls." I think these would be great for an early Sunday game and I look forward to trying them. (If any of you actually ever make any of these, it would be fantastic if you'd let us know!)

My Week 3 Picks, in bold and gold once more:

Washington @ Detroit
Green Bay @ St. Louis
San Francisco @ Minnesota
Atlanta @ New England
Tennessee @ NY Jets
Kansas City @ Philadelphia
NY Giants @ Tampa Bay
Cleveland @ Baltimore
Jacksonville @ Houston
Chicago @ Seattle
New Orleans @ Buffalo
Pittsburgh @ Cincinnati
Denver @ Oakland
Miami @ San Diego
Indianapolis @ Arizona

Monday Night:
Carolina @ Dallas
Combined MNF Score = 50

Good luck everyone!

It's baaack!

2009-09-19T23:20:00.000-07:00

I didn't really intend for my first post in my "new" life to be a bunch of football picks, but sometimes life just surprises you and you just have to roll with it.

My last day at work was September 9th, and I keep meaning to come here and write about it but thus far the spirit hasn't moved me. The NFL waits for no woman, however, and the BFL has woken from its summery slumber to provide us with more fun for this season. This year the hosting is kindly being provided by Amazing Greis; I'll go there to link up and poke fun at my competition as soon as I finish this. There are some new participants this year and I think it will be a lot of fun.

Last year I tried to present a new recipe for many of the weeks of the season, to help with your tailgating and game day food needs. This year, the work has been taken out of it for me with the introduction of Eat, Drink & Blog! There are great recipes over there, so instead I'll point you in the direction of a good one over there with my picks. This week's is "Those Potatoes," which sound pretty much like heaven in a dish to me. The only thing that would make it better is bacon; I think I'll add that when I make it.

Here are my (winning!) picks for Week 2, in bold and gold:

Carolina @ Atlanta
Minnesota @ Detroit
Cincinnati @ Green Bay
Houston @ Tennessee
Oakland @ Kansas City
New England @ NY Jets
New Orleans @ Philadelphia
St. Louis @ Washington
Arizona @ Jacksonville
Seattle @ San Francisco
Tampa Bay @ Buffalo
Pittsburgh @ Chicago
Baltimore @ San Diego
Cleveland @ Denver
NY Giants @ Dallas

Monday Night:
Indianapolis @ Miami
Combined MNF Score = 38

It's not too late for you to join in if you're interested. We take it week by week and you can jump in at any time; football knowledge is not actually required. Hope to see you on the virtual gridiron!

I'll Have What He's Having

2009-08-24T23:10:00.000-07:00

I've decided that I really just need to consult the Food TV program guide in order to plan my meals for the week. It would make things a lot easier.

It's no secret that I love food, probably too much. And I've come to learn that I'm highly suggestible. I'm probably a food marketer's wet dream: Show it and she will buy. The "Lobsterfest" commercials alone have sent me running for the nearest crustacean. But the tantalizing lure of the Food Network, so easily accessed day or night, is by far the greatest culprit.

The worst: Throwdown with Bobby Flay, Unwrapped and Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives are perpetual troublemakers. A more recent addition is The Best Thing I Ever Ate. Any one of those can easily determine my latest food obsession. Oh, Bobby, you're challenging someone who makes the best Pad Thai? Yeah, I'll be getting to a Thai restaurant sooner rather than later. Hmm, and the best fried thing you ever ate is French fries at some restaurant in NYC that I'll never get to? Well, golly, I'll just have to go to my favorite place around here and have some! Making it worse: my mom suffers from the same affliction. If we both watch the same show and are taken with the subject, neither of us can rest until we have it. After a Throwdown on pot stickers (or dumplings as they called them) we were both jonesing for them so badly that we had them twice in one week. Good as the ones we found were, I'm quite certain they're not up to the standard of the ones on the show...so I keep searching.

The best: Iron Chef America and Chopped. As much as I enjoy Iron Chef, I wouldn't eat 90%...no, make it 95% of what they make, so those are "safe" to watch. I can be incredibly hungry and I will never crave maple-glazed veal sweetbreads, no matter how much I love maple syrup, thank you very much.

But it's not just things on TV. A picture that a friend shared today showing what she was making for dinner threw me into a tizzy of "I NEED pierogi and I need them NOW!!" I had to settle for frozen mass-produced ones from the grocery store instead of the handmade ones I feel sure she had enjoyed, but they did the job and I savored them.

However, they were followed with an hour of online research into where I can find better ones locally. For next time, you know.

Reduction in Force - Increase in Office Supplies

2009-08-20T12:05:00.000-07:00

Hey, hey, hey, I like being cool

2009-08-17T23:28:00.000-07:00

No, not "cool" in the figurative "Oh, she's so cool, I want to be just like her" sense. I mean the literal "I like the temperature to be cool pretty much constantly" sense. I can't even pretend to be cool in the former sense, although once in college these two young girls took in my car and belongings as I was moving back in to the dorm for a new year and asked me, "Are you cool?" I still have no idea how I was supposed to answer that. (It was a pretty cool car, I must admit, so I guess I had them fooled.)

Alas, no, it's my unquenchable desire for chill that I'm talking about here. It's why restaurants where I'm a regular bring the BIG glass of ice water when I sit down and why other restaurants are pestered by me for "a glass of ice...just ice" pretty much constantly. It's why I have a fan going on my desk at work when other people have a heater going under theirs. It's why the A/C is on in my car more than it's off. It's why I walk around in short sleeves in the winter, while the people I'm with are dressed for the Arctic. It's why driving in a car with my mother, who's always cold, is like a punishment from the gods of temperature control. It's why the windows in my room are open year-round AND a timed fan is going in there much of the time, too. It's why I sometimes think that moving to Alaska is really my only option, eventually. (A certain Ms. Palin and Alaska politics have made me rethink that, but I'll definitely be going back to visit.)

I like to joke that it's because my thermostat is broken. But honestly, I'm not sure what it is that makes me seek out the frigid instead of the fiery, I just know that it extends to all areas of my life. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a complete wuss when it comes to spicy foods (though I have gotten better!) and can probably guess that my favorite thing about Costco is the cold-storage room where they keep the fruit.

The reason this comes to mind is that I just read a post by my friend, Twenty Four At Heart, at her blog of the same name wherein I got to interview her as a part of the Great Interview Experiment started by Neil of Citizen of the Month. When it comes to temperature preferences, Twenty Four and I are poles apart, but somehow we get along just fine. I hope you'll go over and read her responses to my questions and say hi.

An Unconventional Memory Lane

2009-08-04T22:10:00.000-07:00

This morning as I left for work, I detoured to the trash enclosure to toss a bag in the dumpster on the way to my car.

Because I'm always running late, I've got this chore down to a science and it's a tribute to economy of motion: Flip gate latch, open gate, three brisk steps in, sweep lid up with one hand, fling bag in with other hand as turning around, three brisk steps back out, close gate and dash.

This morning, however, I was brought up short as I was taking those steps back out. There, on the cinder block retaining wall in front of the recycling bins, was an old metal box, open, full to bursting with photographic slides. The old-fashioned kind that almost no one gets anymore, since you need a slide projector and screen to view them.

I could see handwriting on the crisp white cardboard of some of them, so I lifted a few out, one by one, and held them up to the morning sun. Roses, a spring garden in bloom, a pregnant woman in 70s-style clothes grinning at the camera, the view from the top of a nameless tram.

Even though I really needed to get going, I stood, transfixed. Here was a box of someone's memories, left next to -- but not in -- the trash. As though whoever had put them there knew they needed to go, but couldn't bear to actually be the one to throw them away.

Questions tumbled in my head. Who did they belong to? Why had they been abandoned? Had the person who took them, collected them and arranged them so carefully over so many years died? Was there no one in the family who would have wanted this treasure trove of history? Did it upset the person who left the box behind to have to do it?

I stood there and contemplated closing the box up tight against its fate, tucking it under my arm and taking it with me. But I don't have a projector. I don't have a screen. I don't have a clue whose memories were sitting there in that unusual box, one step away from the landfill.

It saddened me to put the slides back, shut the lid, and walk away.

But most days it seems that I hardly have room for my own memories. How could I try to take on those of a stranger?

Finding Balance at BlogHer

2009-08-02T17:55:00.000-07:00

I knew that it would take me a while to get around to writing about BlogHer, and now that most everyone has already published their posts, you should be good and warmed up for mine.

The overall theme for me at my first BlogHer was "Balance." Right from the start, it was a trip filled with ups and downs and I had to roll with them the best I could.

UP: Got to the airport on time and sailed through security (even though I forgot to take my netbook out of my purse).
DOWN: My flight was at the gate the absolute farthest from where I went through security (in a new terminal that I didn't even know was open and I was at the last gate of it).

UP: There was a food vendor open in this new terminal (Note: A vendor. One.) so I was able to grab some breakfast.
DOWN: By the time I had, miserly pastry in hand, my group was boarding and I couldn't really enjoy my chocolate milk.

UP: I was able to get an aisle seat in the completely full flight.
DOWN (Big Down): A man I shall forever refer to as The Hick From Hell took the middle seat next to me. Four of the worst hours in my life on an airplane ensued. Before we'd even left the tarmac, he opened his mouth and started spewing the most ignorant, bigoted, hateful, I've-been-hand-fed-by-the-right-wing-rabblerousers-and-I've-swallowed-it-whole crap at full voice. As we were surrounded by a very diverse crowd (hello, you're in San Jose, asshole), I both feared and hoped that someone would take issue with him. (They didn't.) Then he started drinking Jack Daniels at 8:00am (he ordered three, for a four-hour flight) and my revulsion was complete. Thankfully I had my MP3 player, very good earbuds and extra batteries. I ignored him, completely, which annoyed him. So when we were back on terra firma and I whipped out my phone to reconnect with sane people, I was subjected to his "Gee, I'm just a hick" ridicule for being one of "them people" who are pathetic (because we're able to use a cell phone; they are "beyond him") for being connected. Blood boils once more. I get the fuck out of there the moment I can. Oh, except that I let the lovely Mexican family sitting across from us (and technically behind us) exit first, just to piss him off.

DOWN: Waiting a really long time for the car to take me to the hotel.
UP #1: During that time I got to hang out with and get to know the charming Christina, who I'd been introduced to by the equally charming Andrea. She kept me from gnawing my arm off because by this time I was so hungry my head was starting to hurt.
UP #2: When we'd gotten a call from the limo company and moved outside to wait for our ride, we were approached by a woman who asked if we were bloggers, too. We'd walked past a group of women who were also waiting, unaware that they were waiting for the same car. (We should have some sort of sticker or tag to be able to identify a fellow attendee.) We carted our stuff over to where they were standing and I was thinking about calling the limo company again to ask where the hell this guy was, when a woman comes up to me and asks, "Maura?" I looked back at her with what was probably a classic blank stare, trying desperately to place her. I couldn't. Then she said her name and I almost got knocked over by a blast from the past. Linsey and I used to work together when I first moved to California. I hadn't seen her in around 16 years! We lost touch when I left that job, as so often happens, though I thought of her often and wondered what she was up to. I don't know how she recognized me right off, but it was a total trip getting caught up. A trip we took in a stretch SUV limo with neon lights; it felt like a bachelorette party with nine of my newest (and one oldest) friends.

UP: The beds at the Sheraton. (Slept like a dream.)
DOWN: The beds at the Sheraton. (Slept right through breakfast because I was so cozy.)

DOWN: People I thought would want to spend time with me made it fairly clear that they really weren't interested in doing so all that much.
UP: People I didn't know I'd get to spend time with wanted to do so and it made for some very memorable and worthwhile moments.

UP: The swag.
DOWN: The swag drama. Was there too much of it? Yes. Was there some really neat stuff that I'm glad I got a chance to sample? Yes. Did I like being able to bring gifts back to my friends and family since I barely left the hotel and didn't do any shopping? Big yes. (The not shopping thing was kind of weird, but good for the old wallet, certainly.) Did I ever behave in an unbecoming manner in pursuit of any swag? No. I was appalled by the behavior I heard about and was really glad I didn't witness any. There was only one swag bag I really wanted and that was the one from the Room 704 girls, who threw a hugely successful party. (Possibly too successful.) I love those girls like you wouldn't believe and I wanted to have a piece of them...I mean, the party...to take home with me. My bag was long gone by the time I got to the party.
UP: Because they rock, hardcore, I did get a bag from my girls, even though there were some shameless people who took bags that were marked for people. It was classic Room 704 style and I'm grateful that they went out of their way to do that for me.

UP: The keynote address let me hear the words of some bloggers I'd never met or read before, and there were both hilarious and poignant moments. (If you weren't there, you should absolutely go read those posts, or watch the videos of them being read. Some incredible talent there.)
DOWN: Many of those words made me want to put my head down on the table and sob like a child. It was all I could do to keep it together, and if I hadn't been seated between two guys (the fantastic brotherly duo of Ben and Matthew) who I'd pretty much only just met, I very well might have. Then again, pretty much everyone was crying, so I probably could have.

UP: The people. The bloggers and tweeters I knew online and got to meet in person, the bloggers I met (in any way) for the first time, the people I only got to say "hi" to, the people I met and talked to in line and never saw again, the vendors who brought their wares for us and were so kind in talking about them, and the woman I had lunch with on Saturday because she looked like she needed a place to sit and we had such a lovely time.
DOWN: The talk by and about some people.
BIGGER UP: The people I got to spend significant amounts of time with during those four days. Just the best people and I am so delighted that I got to have that experience with you Stacey, Renee, Marinka, Kirsten, Kari, Issa, Heather, Caitlin and all of the individuals linked to above. Thank you for helping me keep my equilibrium at BlogHer.

BlogHer Thoughts (After a Fashion)

2009-07-28T23:22:00.000-07:00

I have no idea where to start with any sort of post-BlogHer recap. There are so many moments that could be captured, so many people that could be mentioned, so many stories that could be told. (And so many that can't be told.)

However, whether you were there or not, you have to go watch this first before I begin. Go ahead, I'll wait here, sorting through my swag. (Trust me, it's worth it.)

There, in a nutshell, you have a fairly accurate picture of BlogHer09. From its lows to its highs, from the absurd to the astounding, from the asinine to the amazing, from the ridiculous to the revealing, it was all there. (If you're more into the words than them newfangled moving pictures, A Mom Two Boys' recap has a very similar take, albeit from someone who was there.)

I'll have more, and a couple of pictures -- be afraid, be very afraid, some of you! -- but I just needed to get my feet wet. (Not quite like Undomestic Diva, who got more than her feet wet in Chicago.)

I realize that pointing you to other people's recaps before I've done my own may not be the best move, because you will be all BlogHer'd out -- like you aren't already -- but hey, it's a start. And I just need more time to pull my thoughts together in any sort of coherent fashion. (And maybe read some more of other peoples' recaps to keep getting more ideas.)

Get Thee Gone to the Windy City

2009-07-22T23:56:00.000-07:00

See all those ladies over there to the right, underneath "Mo-mmy Blogger Lovefest" in the sidebar? In a mere 24 hours from now, I will be under the same roof as almost every one of them. And, at long last, I'm excited about it!

I've had a lot on my mind and haven't really had much time to spend thinking about it or getting geared up, mentally, to go. I've done what I needed to do -- make hotel reservations, get a roommate, book a flight, get transportation set, order calling cards, request time off -- but it has seemed so distant and I did all that on kind of an autopilot. But the time is here and I'm "there" now; I can't wait to get going and hit the ground in Chicago to soak up the experience. I'm not in the least bit anxious about actually going or nervous about meeting people, but I do wonder if it will live up to my expectations.

Since no one has ever asked me about the title of my mini blogroll there, I assume that either a) you get it, or b) you don't care. (I suppose there is an option c) you never even noticed it because blogrolls are "so four years ago." I don't care. I like them.) No one can deny that "mommy bloggers" rule the roost in blogging these days, and the vast majority of my online female friends fall into that category.

Sometimes I feel a little lost as a non-mom blogger in the mix. The fact that I go my own way and don't really fall into line on the way other bloggers seem to feel you "should" do things (you know, like post more than twice a month) probably doesn't help. Then add in that there are simply some things my friends encounter and feel are things that I will never encounter or feel because I'm not a parent. It means that not only are our lives really different, but our blogs are vastly different, too. Not that that's a bad thing, it just leaves me wondering where I fit in sometimes and I'm curious as to whether that's going to be more apparent or less apparent this weekend...or make no appreciable difference whatsoever. I started thinking about it when reviewing the panels that will be at BlogHer, as a whole bunch of them revolve around mommy bloggers. The good news is that the panels I choose to go to will likely be a little more lightly attended!

But don't go expecting that I'm going to come back from it all full of vim and vigor, bursting at the seams with all sorts of great bloggy ideas and such. This is me, after all. If I get around to posting about the conference, that will be one in the Win column. You can come here after reading everybody else's post-BlogHer wrap-ups and maybe I'll tell you all about the mommy bloggers behind the scenes, once they've really let their hair down. "BlogHer Exposed: When the Squeeing Ends and the Drinking Begins."* Photos will cost a little extra. Send bribes to my nonexistent Paypal account, m'kay? See you on the flip side.

*Yes, that will be the only time the word "squee" ever appears on this site.

Crossroads

2009-07-14T00:59:00.000-07:00

I didn't really intend to have a month plus go by between posts. I've had ideas and started a few times, but haven't quite gotten there. In the month before a bloggers' conference, I really should get some new material up.

But.

Crossroads. I'm at one. A big one. And it has me feeling both liberated and tied up in knots.

If you've been reading here for any length of time, you're likely aware that I never talk about work in this space except in the most general of terms. I believe that, unless you're totally anonymous, it's just not a good idea; even if you are anonymous, it's risky.

But.

I recently found out that I'm being laid off. It is...an adjustment. I've never been in this position before and it comes at an interesting time for me. My mind is constantly occupied by thoughts of "What next?" And, frankly, it's a big question.

For better or for worse, I have a couple months to ponder that very question. You'll forgive me, I hope, for not going into detail here when it comes to the possibilities and how I'm weighing them. For the moment, I'm still gainfully employed after all.

But.

Not for long.

Hitting the Road

2009-06-11T12:05:00.000-07:00

Hi, blog. Just thought I'd drop in and say howdy. Make sure you weren't feeling too lonely. It's hard not to, I know, believe me.

Since I really don't have much to say, I thought it would be a good time to mention that I'm going to BlogHer '09 this July. Many of you reading this already know that, but it's a good excuse to put up the nifty badge that BlogHer so thoughtfully provided:

I'm still not thrilled with the idea of being in Chicago in the hottest part of its year, but I really want to go, so I'm going. I've already told people that if it's super hot I literally may not leave the hotel the entire time and if there's a brownout or they lose A/C, I am outta there! I think they may not believe that I'm serious. Let me assure them, I am. Even though that hotel is going to be swimming in alcohol, there is not enough alcohol in the city to keep me there if it gets sweltering.

I've traveled quite a bit this year. A bonus of this particular trip is that, with it, I will finally earn my first free ticket on Southwest. I've been a part of their Rapid Rewards program for years, but I've never flown enough in one year to earn a free ticket. (And, before that, when they would stamp your card and you had longer than a year, I could never keep track of the damned card long enough to add them up!)

I haven't yet planned a trip that will utilize the free ticket. You may now commence the entreaties/begging to convince me that I should use it to travel to your area this fall. Any bribes should contain chocolate, cupcakes, bacon or, preferably, all of them...just not necessarily together.

Up, Up and Away

2009-06-03T23:39:00.000-07:00

I saw the neatest thing on my way to work this morning. Hovering above the highway that's the worst part of my commute, just shy of the point where I have to make a decision -- either to stay on the bad road or exit to a better highway but with a nerve-wracking and dangerous merge -- was a zeppelin advertising the new movie, UP.

Seeing zeppelins is not a terribly unusual site around here because a company, Airship Ventures, started flying them out of Moffett Field in Mountain View last fall. They tend to fly by where I work, near San Francisco Bay, and it's always a nice sight. There's something really magical and relaxing, at the same time, about seeing them floating along.

But to look up and see the cheerful ad for the movie, with that enormous, iconic bunch of balloons just made me smile. A lot. Which is quite an accomplishment for me at that time of day. It seemed so right and perfect and made the drive a little less stressful.

P.S. In going to their site to get a link, I saw that they have a small feature about the UP promotion on their site. (There's a picture; you can see what I saw.) For one moment I thought, "Oh, cool, I can take a ride in it!" Then I saw the price. I'm sure it's worth it, but man! I think I'm going to have to save that for a really special occasion.

Coming Along

2009-06-02T23:51:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to give a quick update on my leg, but first thank you for your kind words and support. I appreciate it.

So far it seems like I'm healing really well. I spent two straight days icing it, elevating it and staying off it as much as possible. This was fairly easy to do since I spent most of that time sleeping. One day back at work and then I spent the weekend relaxing and continuing to use it as little as I could. Monday I "upgraded" from the crutches to a cane because the crutches were hurting my hand and if I can't have my leg, I need my hand! But seriously, with the problems I've had with my right wrist, I can't take a chance on injuring it further.

Thursday I go to an orthopedic surgeon. I'm not certain whether it's good, bad or indifferent that they're sending me to a surgeon for a follow up instead of a run-of-the-mill orthopedist. I'll see what he has to say and go from there; I'm not about to fret over it. I just have to be careful not to overcompensate by straining my other leg, which I've noticed having little tweaks in the last day.

Now that I've put you all back to sleep, thank you and goodnight.

That Last Step Is A Doozy

2009-05-28T23:20:00.000-07:00

Long-time readers of my blog will recall that I broke my shoulder a few years ago. Ah, good times. I actually do look on that time somewhat fondly because it's also when I adopted Finn. But being hurt and recovering? Not so much.

Since that time I've been pretty careful and I always remind myself, when I do trip, not to try to catch myself if I fall. Aside from my knees showing signs of simply getting older, I've been pretty lucky since then in the getting hurt arena. To help keep my knees from getting creaky, I've taken to using the stairs when leaving work; I've found that if I do it regularly, they bother me less.

On Tuesday, I headed for the stairs like normal at the end of the day and was pleased to note that my knees didn't "crackle" at all, like they often do if I haven't done the stairs in a while. I did notice that my one calf felt a little tight and no sooner did I think it than *SNAP!* Something that felt like a giant rubber band snapped in that calf and man, did it hurt.

I still had two set of stairs to go so I took it r e a l l y slowly and continued down. A coworker came by and asked if he could help, but what could he do? I think the poor guy was afraid he was going to have to try carry me down the rest of the way, but I set his mind at ease and kept going. It took me what felt like forever to get all the way down and to my car, but I made it, one halting step at a time.

Long story a tad bit shorter, I ended up going to the ER and what I suspected was confirmed: I'd torn a muscle in my right calf. I've always had kind of tight muscles in my calves so I'd feared that it would happen one day, but not in such an innocuous situation. Just like with my shoulder, there's not much they can do to fix it so I just have to stay off of it and see what happens. I've spent the last two days icing it and elevating it, and sleeping like a fiend because of the pain medication. I have crutches that, frankly, wear me out and I haven't been on them since I got home from the hospital.

I think tomorrow is soon enough. Take pity on the next poor schmo you see hobbling around on crutches, OK?

Ping: A Short Bite

2009-05-21T19:02:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I think I constrain myself here by expecting that a post needs to be a certain thing. This is odd because I'm the one always telling other bloggers, "Your blog is what YOU make of it! Don't let other people tell you what it 'should' be!" You'd think I'd take my own advice more often; no time like the present.

It occurred to me yesterday during a conversation with another blogger that sometimes I want to just say something without a beginning, a middle and an end. Something more like a tweet on Twitter. Without it, you know, being a tweet.

And because there's no sense in having a theme on one's blog if one doesn't use it, henceforth, such little gems here will just be known as a Ping. Perhaps not terribly original, but it will get the job done.

Today's Ping: I'm going to Seattle this weekend. I've been looking forward to it for ages and I'm excited to be on my way. Hopefully, the weather will cooperate and I'll be able to take and share some nice pictures. I hope you have a nice long weekend, too.

Year of Living Generously - A Brief Update

2009-05-18T01:00:00.000-07:00

I haven't forgotten that I have a blog, I promise. I've just been really occupied with other things -- much of which had to do with the title topic -- and I haven't had the energy or motivation to write.

As you may have noticed, if you've been here before, the color scheme recently changed. I, along with scores of other bloggers, have gone purple in honor of Maddie. Of course, my scheme was actually already purple but I went with a shade that was suggested by Mrs. Flinger, whom you met not too long ago.

I should note here that I wrote all of that rather disjointed intro above almost a month ago. I am not going to go into why there was such a long gap, mostly because I'm not interested in finding a way to articulate those whys to anyone. If that sounds snotty, I apologize; that's not my intent. I'm just not in a place where I'm up for it and I want to say it simply.

My life, mentally, has been different since April 7th. It's not a mistake that my last post and the one that has stayed up there for over a month was the remembrance from the day of Maddie's service. I haven't found a way to express why the events of April have had such an impact on me, to myself or anyone else. All I can say is that they did.

I also want to say that, while I'm going to continue on with 2009 being a year that I give as much as possible, I'm going to stop trying to write much about it beyond this. It's part of what's holding me up from posting. I wrote about how I've struggled with it right from the start and it hasn't gotten any easier.

Since the world said goodbye to little Maddie, most of my giving efforts have been focused on raising funds in her name for the March of Dimes and in helping to fund support for Maddie's parents, who have had such a difficult time since their world shattered. I talked about the March of Dimes in connection with the Spohrs back in February, though I could never have imagined at that point how much would have changed and how much would have happened between then and the date of the actual walk. If you aren't aware, the Spohrs' team alone raised over sixty thousand (yes, sixty thousand) dollars for the March of Dimes and raised so much more awareness of the organization and its mission, since that time. If ever the word "outpouring" were appropriate, this was it; there was an absolute outpouring of caring, commitment and cash from people around the country and beyond, both for the walk and for Maddie's parents. The wave of caring continues on and if you're interested in hearing about what's happening, please check out the March for Maddie site.

I wasn't able to participate in one of the walks, so I instead donated to pretty much anyone I knew who was going to walk. Because I have so many wonderful and generous friends, that was quite a few people and I was happy to set my credit card on fire as they donned their purple and their tennis shoes and set out to make a difference.

And, as Forrest Gump said, that's all I have to say about that.

So now, while life goes on as it inevitably does, I have this new appreciation for the impact that we can have on each others' lives. I've realized, however, that I don't need to write about it, I just need to do what I'm moved to do.

Remembering Our Beautiful Butterfly

2009-04-14T14:30:00.000-07:00

For Too Short a Time

2009-04-08T22:42:00.000-07:00

A little over 24 hours ago, the world lost the light of a star and the universe gained one in the heavens. Madeline Alice Spohr left us last night, a mere 17 months after she got here to spread magic with her smile.

You may remember that I wrote about how her parents were raising funds for the March of Dimes walk to be held this month. None of us could ever have imagined that Maddie wouldn't be here for the walk, leading the way in her little pink car.

The blog world reeled today as the news of Maddie being gone spread via Twitter. There were tears and heartbreak and an outpouring of grief. But then that world started to pull together and spread an amazing amount of love and support along with the sad news. Heather and Mike asked that donations be made to the March of Dimes in lieu of any flowers. And my world, my online world, responded. For much of the day I felt numb with disbelief and grief, but I found myself transfixed watching that page for donations as it grew and grew and grew all day long. At this time, the team has raised over $20,000 in honor of Maddie. Just take a look at the widget to the right to see where the donation total on Heather's page currently stands. It boggles the mind and warms the heart, even a heart that's broken into tiny pieces right now.

The simply amazing Meghan at AMomTwoBoys.com has dedicated a page on her site For Maddie and it has all the information about how to make a donation (**Updated - the button to do that appears to the right, too. Please help if you can**), where to send any cards, etc. to Mike and Heather, information about the funeral service (which will be updated as the details become available) and a list of all the people who have written posts in honor of Maddie, to celebrate her life and mourn her death. Over 200 bloggers have added the links to their posts there, among them some pretty incredible writers, all of us needing to share our love for a little girl who could touch our hearts across the Internet with her trademark open-mouth smile and wide-open eyes.

Madeline, in a photo taken by her mother.

Maddie, you are loved and missed beyond reason. Thank you for brightening my world, for too short a time.

What the Deuce?

2009-04-01T23:19:00.000-07:00

At long last (at looooong, looooong last), the Internet's least-successful giveaway has come to a merciful close. The charming and lovely PsychMamma, as the only participant, walked off with the big prize. As she's currently off vacationing in the sun and sand, I'll let her know when she gets back and her tan has worn off.

Clearly, the hurdle of having to make a donation was a higher one than I anticipated, so I apologize to those of you who would have liked to participate but just weren't in a position to do so. When I chose to do this, I didn't realize that the minimum was $10. I'm still going to make an additional donation to the film, including one to match PsychMamma's generosity, and I'll try to do better next time in the giveaway department.

Moving on: Tonight I went to the reading and signing event for Heather Armstrong's new book, "It Sucked and Then I Cried." While plenty of people apparently gave her shit about calling it a "San Francisco" signing when it was actually south of there in Mountain View (actually the publisher's doing, which didn't surprise me), I was grateful that it wasn't in SF. This way I actually had a chance to go; if it had been up in the city, I wouldn't have been able to get there for it. As it was, parking was a pain and the small bookstore was packed. I was there a half hour early and every seat was already gone, and most of the decent floor spots were taken. But I copped a little step stool that was innocently occupying a corner unattended and settled in.

I'm not going to give you a recap of the event, as it's a "you had to be there" kind of thing, and I'm not going to tell you to go buy the book. If you like Dooce, you probably will; if you don't like her, you probably won't; if you don't have a freaking clue who I'm talking about, what are you doing here?

But I will tell you why I bought it and why I went tonight: She makes me laugh and I respect what she's done. The shy and retiring Mrs. Flinger went to the event in Seattle last night, and she posted about it, too (hers has video!). She conveniently wrote for me how I felt about going to see Heather and the experience overall:

Heather was absolutely hilarious. She was real, honest, pregnant (yes! BY GOD she isn’t lying about a pregnancy to make money! I know this shocks you.) and actually made the crowd comfortable. She’s every bit a normal person as you can expect some chick from BYU gone badass to be.

Feel what you will about her, to those who resent/hate/despise/"can't stand" her, whatever. To me she's a genuinely funny woman with a talent for telling a story and I wanted to give her props for being the blogger and writer she is. I'm not a fawner. I don't fawn. I didn't go there to fawn. I didn't have a funny story to tell or a need to make her remember meeting me. I didn't tell her, "Oh, I'm a blogger, too!" I didn't have my picture taken with her. I didn't bring a present for her gestating baby. I didn't tell her "how much I lurve your blog" or anything like that. I went there to show my support by buying the book, listening to her interact with her readers, and have my book signed.

And maybe to have something to write about to end the drought caused by the misery of that giveaway. Maybe.

Year of Living Generously - Hollywood Edition

2009-03-11T23:31:00.001-07:00

Have you ever wanted to work on a movie? Whether it's in front of the camera or behind it, I think a lot of people have wondered what it's like. I had the chance to do that shortly after I moved here to California from New York. For me, it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and while it was hard work, I wouldn't trade having done it for anything.

A friend I've known for as long I can remember is a talented writer and had made an award-winning short film in college. A few years after graduating, he'd developed a screenplay and decided to raise the money to make it here in San Jose, completely on a shoestring budget. At that time, I was doing temp work so I had a lot of free time and flexibility, and I was delighted to help work on his dream project.

Raising the money took a lot longer than shooting the movie. At that point in time, I was struggling to get by as it was -- even with a nest egg, California was an expensive shock to my wallet -- so while I wasn't able to give much cash, I gave many, many hours. I had enough of garage sales to last a lifetime and a half, let me tell you. But it worked. Combined with all sorts of fund raising efforts, from hitting up our parents to asking local merchants for in-kind donations, and a few of my friend's own credit lines, we were ready to shoot in the summer of 1995.

I became the mistress of wardrobe, for reasons that were never clear to me. I'm no fashion plate, but it was a job I could handle. It involved a lot of Poloroid photos for continuity -- this was before the advent of the digital point and shoot camera, remember -- and a lot of waiting around. Oh, and I was also a driver because, well, because I had a car.

In two weeks -- the hottest two weeks of the entire year, I recall -- I learned how to sleep almost anywhere, ate more bagels than I had ever eaten before, fell a little bit in love, witnessed someone getting fired, had a near emotional meltdown, and watched the magic of movies come to life. I even had my name in Variety when they did a tiny notice about the film; apparently wardrobe is a position that got listed routinely.

It was an almost surreal time, and it was also one of the most stressful but rewarding experiences in my life. While the movie never got picked up for distribution, it did have a big premiere locally; I got to see my name and hard work up on screen, popcorn in hand. That was a night I'll never forget.

It was the type of experience that anyone who plans to work in movies should get a chance to have, because it's literally a "from the ground up" kind of environment. Journalism students at Middle Tennessee State University are getting that chance in a film called "The New True Charlie Wu," which is shooting right now in Nashville. When I saw the introductory video from the film's writer and director, Bob Pondillo, on the Charlie Wu site, it really resonated with me and took me back to those days when the film was gearing up and the sky was the limit. Like the film I worked on, this one is being funded entirely by fans in exchange for your name in lights...or at least on the big screen. The details on how it works can be found here. But, in short, you will get a screen credit based on how much you -- and the people you refer -- contribute to make the film a reality.

Why give to help a movie get made? It's simply another kind of giving to education, really. The next generation of filmmakers has to learn their craft, and this is how they do it. And, let's face it, we need movies. It's been well established that, in difficult economic times, people turn to entertainment to help them escape from sometimes difficult realities. Equally true is that they need our support when they're getting started even more than they do when they've "made it" in Hollywood.

For this month's project in my Year of Living Generously, here is what I propose: Go, check out the site using my referral URL -- http://youandcharliewu.com/moburns -- and see what it's all about. Sign up and make even the minimum donation (which appears to be ten dollars), then come back and put your individual referral URL in the comments. For each of you who does this by the last day of this month, I will give an additional five dollars to the film. Plus, one person who makes a donation and makes a comment here will win two tickets vouchers to AMC Theaters in North America. There may be another, special prize that will be announced later.*

Fifteen years later, I'm in a different place in life than I was in the days of the endless garage sales. This is my way of honoring that incredible time and paying forward the chance I was given to participate in it. It may not sound like much, but seeing your name on screen for the first time is a memorable moment, and it's one I'd like to share with you.

+++Update: Initially I did not realize the minimum donation was $10. Because of that, I am upping the prize to four ticket vouchers to AMC or Cinemark or Regal Cinemas, winner's choice+++

*The pesky fine print: All comments must: 1) have a name; 2) have a valid referral URL; 3) have a verifiable email address; 4) be made here by March 31, 2009 at 11:59 PDT to be counted. The AMC ticket vouchers can only be awarded to a commenter who lives in North America. Comments world-wide, however, will count toward the donation total. Anonymous or inappropriate comments will not be counted, either for the donation total or the giveaways, and will not deleted. All potential winners will be contacted by email, so a valid email address is required and you will have five days to reply with a regular mail address that must be in the area described above. The maximum amount that will be donated by me for this post is $500. All decisions about the donation and the giveaway(s) are mine and are final.

Since You Weren't There

2009-03-08T00:49:00.000-08:00

These are some of my favorite pictures from my little roadtrip last weekend. The page may take a while to load, but hey, it's the weekend; relax and enjoy it.

Just Because

2009-03-05T23:35:00.000-08:00

Mining for Edible Gold

2009-03-02T23:36:00.000-08:00

I think I might very well have had the best meal of my life tonight. If not, it was damned close to it. I certainly can’t remember one that I enjoyed, end to end, any better. And it was in one of the last places you’d expect to have a life-altering meal.

OK, life-altering might be a slight exaggeration, but it inspired me to do two things I don’t normally do: write about it on a weekend (note: I can’t post it tonight, but I’m writing this on Saturday) and go back the next day for another meal.

I’m spending this weekend in California’s Gold Country, which, if you’ve never been here, I highly recommend you visit the next time you have a chance, especially in the spring. I’m a little early for the riot of flowers that pop up here every year, but their promise is in the air already and the daffodils are poking their heads up.

I’m staying in Angels Camp, which is famous for being the setting of the Mark Twain story, “The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County.” Nearby is the town of Murphys, which I’ve been to a number of times and I always enjoy coming back for both the familiar and the new. It’s a small town, so the landscape of shops and restaurants does change each time I visit, which can be both a blessing and a curse. This time, it was a blessing.

I strolled up one side of the main street and down the other, popping into various shops, window shopping and helping the economy a bit. It was too early for dinner, but I wanted to scope out where I would be eating because, hey, you just can’t leave these things to chance. As I came out of a neat tea shop, I noticed that there was a new (to me) restaurant called Mineral right next door. It was set back off the street a little, with patio seating in front, but they had a sign out front with a review from the paper of a nearby city that gave it five stars; not something you see every day. It said that it was a vegetarian restaurant, but not entirely vegan, and that it didn’t limit the deliciousness. I was intrigued, but a little disappointed that there wasn’t a menu out there to peruse. But five stars? Yeah, I’d consider it.

When I was ready for dinner, nothing else I’d seen had interested me as much as the promise of Mineral, so back I went. It was still pretty early and I was the only person there, which was fine because it’s a really small place and who doesn’t love a little personal attention when indulging in a good meal? I checked out the wine list first, and was happy to see that they had Prosecco by the glass, as it’s my preferred wine with bubbles.

When I opened the menu I was surprised to see it was really pretty short: a half dozen small plates, two salads and three large plates. As there are a lot of things I can’t or won't eat (and, okay, some people might call me “picky”), I was a little concerned that I wouldn’t find something I’d want. When I really looked, though, I saw that while I wouldn’t be in to everything on the menu, what I was into looked promising.

I started with a small plate of white bean hummus that had just the right amount of olive oil and paprika around the edges, with olive "dust" sprinkled on top, and was served with a trio of things to scoop it up, each one better than the next; sourdough baguette slices, thin toasted croutons and even thinner, super-crispy, almost translucent potato chips. The hummus was smooth and just garlicky enough, with a little kick from the paprika. The chips were nothing short of amazing and combined with the hummus they were divine. I’m not ashamed to admit that I ate almost every smidge of that hummus (that I could get to without picking up the dish and licking it clean) and then wished there were more.

It was probably a good thing there wasn’t, though, because next up was an entrée from the heavens. Now, I will be the first to tell you that I am not a mac n’ cheese girl. It wasn’t something I ate growing up and I’ve never had a taste for that fake cheesy taste of the stuff out of the box. But in the last few weeks, I’d heard a bunch of people talking about wanting to have that when the weather has been so cold and it made me wish I liked it. So when I saw it on the menu, I figured this was as good a place as I was ever going to find to try it…and I was right. This is what macaroni and cheese should be. It was made fresh with aged white cheddar and garlic butter, then topped with just enough toasted bread crumbs. I swear, it melted in my mouth and I believe I whimpered just a little bit when the cheese hit my tongue. I got a half order (a really nice thing for them to have available) and while I really wanted more of that, too, it was actually just the right amount for a single serving. It was incredibly satisfying and not the least bit heavy, and it felt really decadent to enjoy it with the Prosecco.

I was glad to see during my entrée that some other people were filtering in to the restaurant. This is a place that should be filled every night. Since there was no rush, however, and I wasn’t stuffed because the portions were just right, I decided to go ahead and get dessert. Perhaps not surprisingly, on such a spare menu, there was only one dessert selection but it sounded fascinating: Indian Spiced Fried Chocolate. I know! Fried. Chocolate. I had no idea what to expect but there was no way I could resist it. What came to the table was a small plate of four small, golden spheres, resting on an espresso port reduction and sprinkled with a touch of gray sea salt. The server, who is also one of the owners, said that the best way to eat them was to roll them in the sauce and pop them in your mouth. That was a little daunting because the “Indian Spiced” part gave me a little pause -- with something like that I usually want to taste a little first before going all in. But sometimes only the brave are rewarded, so I did exactly what she suggested and went for it.

Oh. My. God. The fried exterior was just thick enough to contain the chocolate, a little crisp and not at all greasy, and when my teeth broke it open there was this luscious ooze of almost bitter chocolate, with just a hint of spice and sea salt, that mixed with the espresso sauce and made love to my mouth. Four times. I then had a food-induced “little death” and passed out. The End.

Grace in Small Things, 14

2009-02-24T22:17:00.000-08:00

I've decided to drop the 365-ish. It's just not in my nature to follow the "rules" and do this like I'm really supposed to. :-) It's not going to be daily, I may not get to 365 -- and if I do it may take me three years! I'm just going to roll with it and press on.

1. The scent of fresh doughnuts wafting out of the bag on the front seat of the car in the morning.

2. Catching glimpses, in between the trees and shrubs, of the elegant birds lounging in the little strip of waterway along the side of the road.

3. Getting an unexpected email from a friend that makes me smile.

4. Seeing the first blooms on a plant you've never noticed before.

5. The sigh that comes with taking my bra off at the end of the day.

Year of Living Generously Update

2009-02-12T23:57:00.000-08:00

It has been more than a month since I last checked in here on my Year of Living Generously endeavor and I thought it was time to talk about where I'm at with it.

I haven't been able to settle on a method or theme or selection process as I had hoped to do. So I've just been following a pretty basic idea of "Give when so moved." I'm online a lot. There are a lot of causes out there and there's no lack of requests that I come across. When I read one that is reasonable and moves me to act, I do it swiftly.

One of the more memorable ones was a simple request for baby supplies for a woman who had given birth to multiples here in the U.S. but is a refugee from war-torn Sudan. She simply needed diapers (five newborns go through a total of 40 a day!) and The One Dollar Give made it possible to buy a box of diapers for them via an Amazon registry and have it delivered directly to the family. Technology can be a beautiful thing.

Well, come to think of it, maybe I do have a theme for this month after all. Because what I want to tell you about now is because of a sweet, beautiful baby girl named Maddie.

Maddie is the daughter of proud parents Heather and Michael, who can be found over at The Spohrs Are Multiplying, where Maddie is the star. Heck the girl even has her own Facebook fan page! I think Heather has more or less a part-time job taking pictures of her little miracle and we're lucky enough to get to see them often. Those eyes of Maddie's are the most expressive things ever.

I've become friends with Heather online and I like her in spite of the fact that she is both a Dodger fan and a USC fan. And that is saying something. But anyway, Maddie was born three months prematurely and has had a lot of medical stuff to deal with in her short life. But she's here and beautiful, and that's thanks in part to the work that is done by the March of Dimes.

To celebrate Maddie and thank the March of Dimes for their part in her life, the Spohrs are committed to helping raise funds for them. They are gearing up for the annual March of Dimes walk in their area and they're asking us for help in reaching their fundraising goal, which includes spreading the word if you're not able to give right now when money is tight. I think most of us who have an online life know the power of social media, and using your voice that way can be just as important as opening your wallet.

The good people at Kodak have upped the ante a bit and have provided two great prizes that will be given away by a virtual raffle next month. If you need any more reason than that, take a peek over at the purple box to the right and see if you can resist that smile. Join me in help keeping that smile bright, for Maddie and other babies like her.

Grace in Small Things, 13/365-ish

2009-02-10T23:57:00.000-08:00

Ooh, just squeaked this one in under the wire. I had a moment of inspiration and decided to run with it.

1. Unexpectedly seeing the full moon, low over the horizon on a clear night.

2. Being given a surprise gift that melts your heart.

3. Making a friend feel a little bit better.

4. Watching the big dog show and falling in love with dozens of the dogs. (Yes, I have cats, but I love dogs, too. If I could, I'd have both.)

5. Two-bite cupcakes for dessert.

Skating By

2009-02-09T23:35:00.000-08:00

I have to admit, I've got nothing in the tank today. I'm not even able to dredge up five things for a GIST list. Nothing's wrong, nothing's bad, I just keep drawing a blank. And when I don't draw a blank, it just kind of peters off into babble.

So, in the tried and true tradition of fine blogging, when you've got nothing, post a picture! And when you've really got nothing, go with catblogging!!

Here's my beautiful Finn in what I call his "demi-loaf" position. I love it when cats sit with their paws folded under them like this and they look like a loaf of bread. When he isn't leaning over like that, it's perfect. He wasn't interested in humoring me by straightening up, so I got a demi-loaf.

I told you I have nothing.

Grace in Small Things, 12/365-ish

2009-02-05T23:37:00.000-08:00

1. Bringing cake in to work for no reason and watching people's delighted reaction.

2. Related: Cream cheese frosting.

3. Making someone genuinely laugh with surprise.

4. A birthday balloon that just refuses to deflate.

5. Kitty eyes squinting up at you when you turn the light on in the dark room where they were sleeping.

And, with that, I'm off to bed. I'm tired tonight so I'm going to go to bed early. For me.

Grace in Small Things, 11/365-ish

2009-02-04T23:32:00.001-08:00

1. Lobster.

2. Lobster with butter.

3. Lobster on a roll with butter.

4. A fun night with friends.

5. Did I mention the lobster?

Grace in Small Things, 10/365-ish

2009-02-03T23:55:00.000-08:00

1. Finding out that a friend has arrived home safe and sound after a very long trip.

2. A kitty paw curved over kitty eyes during a catnap.

3. The word "mellifluous." When it's said right, it's such a lovely sounding word.

4. Walking in the door just as your favorite new show starts.

5. A video that makes you laugh so hard, the specter of your crappy day instantly vanishes.

Yeah, it was a pretty crappy day and seeing that video (twice) really helped, but I have to admit that, as I was walking in from the car, I started thinking about getting this list together and I really felt the benefit of having a reason to think positively. Yes, I know it sounds corny, but it happened.

If I keep it up, I may find a reason to blog about something else other than these lists! For the time being, however, this is where it's at for me so I hope you are not minding the ride if you're not actually enjoying them.

Grace in Small Things, 9/365-ish

2009-02-02T22:09:00.000-08:00

1. Having a built-in post format when you're lacking any ideas.

2. The gossamer wings of a dragonfly

3. A perfectly toasted grilled cheese sandwich.

4. Finding a really neat blog when checking out someone else's GIST list.

5. The mute button on the remote.

Grace in Small Things, 8/365-ish

2009-01-30T22:30:00.000-08:00

1. Taking a day off from GISTing and not beating myself up or stressing over getting back into it.

2. A quiet dinner with a best friend.

3. Having someone say, "Mmm, you smell good," when they hug you hello, though you weren't even trying.

4. Looking up in the sky on a clear night and spotting a constellation immediately.

5. [Insert highly personal, post-sickness item that only I would care about.]

While I still have a few moments every couple of hours where I feel wonky, overall I'm much better. Such a relief. I hope never to be that sick again.

It has been such a weird week that I really don't have much else going on. I'm happy for the weekend and a chance to rest up because even though I've been sleeping a full night, every night, this has taken a lot out of me and I'm tired.

Grace In Small Things, 7/365-ish

2009-01-28T22:40:00.000-08:00

I'm going to have to dig into the past for today's items, as there was nothing terribly inspiring about today. I spent it fighting off the last of whatever had me so sick for the past few days. The only good news is that I think I'm over it.

1. Sitting on the beach alone, hearing nothing but the sound of the waves and the wind.

2. Seeing a piece of work by a favorite artist, up close and personal.

3. Peeling the paper from a Reese's peanut butter cup and having none of the teeth break off.

4. Watching a kite bobbing in the sky on a Spring day.

5. Finding a shiny penny, heads up.

Grace In Small Things, 6/365-ish, expanded edition

2009-01-27T23:35:00.000-08:00

I was going to take a break from GISTing for a day and complete something I should have done last week. I was tagged by AnyMommy in a recent post to share five of my addictions here. But if I do it right, maybe they can be one in the same.

Aren't addictions generally for things that give us pleasure? And there's grace to be found in pleasure. I suppose there are exceptions to that, but I'm going to give it a try anyway.

1. Books - Anyone who knows me how much I like to read, but I doubt that most of them realize the extent to which I'm addicted to reading. It's the one thing I can count on to really take me away to another place at any time. It's very, very rare that I don't have a book with me and will whip it out whenever I'm left with time on my hands. To that end, having a Kindle has proved to be a godsend. So long as it's charged up, it's like having an entire library at my fingertips.

2. The feel of my cat's fur - From the first time I picked Finn up at the adoption table, I was captivated by the feel of his fur. He's got the lushest fur I've ever felt on a cat and it's so incredibly soothing to stroke him. I'm sure my propensity for doing just that has made him more spoiled than he might otherwise be, but it was by design, in part. When Peri came to live with my mom, she was tiny, scared and traumatized by being dumped off in a parking lot for who-knows-how-long before she was found and my brother brought her home. She never grew out of the scared and she's never been comfortable with being held. Over the years I've persevered and gotten her slightly more used to it, but she still squirms away in a short time. When I adopted Finn, I wanted to make sure that he got accustomed to being held -- that was a real hardship! Thankfully, he was on board with this and enjoys being petted and held pretty much any time, so I can get my daily dose of Finn fur without complaint.

3. Mashed potatoes - While it's a pretty mundane side dish, there's nothing I like better than good mashed potatoes; they're totally my go-to comfort food and I think it's fair to say that I'm addicted to them. I like making them from scratch and have my own method of preparing them that, to me, makes them unbeatable. But I order them at restaurants to compare and usually they come up short. Too cold, too thin, too gluey, too grainy, too peppery, too blecch is the verdict most of the time, but still I keep ordering because the restaurant that does them right will have my undying love. Until then, I'll just make my own whenever I need a comfort dish.

4. Pogo.com - I love playing games and Pogo feeds my addiction. Many nights I can be found there, playing games and collecting tokens. I'm very competitive and there I can go, compete, win and not have to listen to any whining about it. (People may whine, but I can always turn off the chat. And, really, people are mostly congratulatory, not whiny.) I can also play many games against "robots" so I don't even have to concern myself with someone else's reaction. Yes, it's a little anti-social but it works for me. There are so many games to chose from and it's relaxing to play. Each week there are badges to win, which is a fun way to challenge yourself and learn new games.

5. Iced Tea - This is my drink of choice, and one that feeds my need for great quantities of ice. I get tired of carbonated drinks and usually head for the iced tea when it's available. I drink it year-round; I figure if you nutty people can drink hot coffee in the summer, I can drink iced tea in the heart of winter! I love mixing it with lemonade to create an Arnold Palmer, which I'm always surprised to learn many people haven't heard of before. There's nothing like a perfectly sweetened, ice-cold, frosty glass of tea...filled to the brim with ice.

So there you have it, my graceful addictions, laid out for the world to see. I never know who will be in to this kind of thing so I won't tag anyone directly, but if you blog and would like to share your addictions with us, I hope you'll let us know in the comments.

Not Entirely Gratuitous Catblogging

2009-01-26T21:55:00.000-08:00

To celebrate actually posting five days in a row, I decided to provide an illustrative photo for one of my recent posts and break all sorts of precedent by posting twice in one day. Yesterday, Issa commented about one of my GIST items, "Tiny little kitty lips." Being allergic, she doesn't get all that close to cats and therefore that one wasn't too meaningful for her!

I got out my camera this afternoon, in part because I wanted to practice a bit with a new lens I got for Christmas and hadn't had occasion to use yet. As the cats were all post-nap relaxed, they were (relatively) patient with the flash and I was able to get what I wanted.

Behold, the inspiration for the tiny little kitty lips, Peri.

When she comes up to me, stands there for a moment, then lets out this one plaintive "Mewwwwwww," because she wants something, I just can't take my eyes off those little lips. She has never been a very vocal cat so it's always so surprising when she does this. In that respect, Finn has been both a good and bad influence on her. He's vocal and, after a couple of years, she realized that he got results by voicing his opinion.

And because I can't post a picture of Peri and not one of Finn, here's the best one I got of him.

He really wasn't in the mood for having his picture taken, so I couldn't even get close to having a shot of his lips. Besides, he's a boy cat and his lips aren't as adorable as Peri's. (He's got a cuter nose, though, to be fair.)

I Don't Think This Is Really Going To Count

2009-01-26T17:18:00.000-08:00

I don't know if I can really consider this to be a Grace In Small Things post, but this is the best it's going to get. I'm not sure what I ate, but I'm fairly certain that I just experienced the worst bout of food poisoning I've ever had.

The time my mother gave me food poisoning from canning her own strawberry jam was actually more memorable, but it wasn't as bad as this. 'Cause that happens to everyone at least once, right?

Anyway, I'm going to spare you any details and you can read between the lines as much or as little as you want. And because this is all my day has been about - in between trying to figure out what the hell I ate that caused all this - it's going to have to count as my entry for today.

5/365-ish

1. I'm not throwing up anymore.

2. I'm not stuck in the bathroom anymore.

3. The pie I ate yesterday will not be going straight to my hips.

4. Being in my room for hours on end (between trips to the bathroom) has enabled me to get caught up on a lot of TV on my DVR.

5. Sleep, when it finally comes, after a long, rough night, is the sleep of angels.

Grace In Small Things, 4/365-ish

2009-01-25T18:30:00.000-08:00

1. Finding out a friend is pregnant and feeling that bloom of joy.

2. The line of delicate foam a retreating wave leaves on the sand.

3. Tiny little kitty lips.

4. Catching a wisp of my favorite perfume as I raise my wrist past my face.

5. The anticipation of joining my first book club.

The Insta-Book Club is hosted by the incredible, intrepid Insta-mom and you're welcome to join us. We've selected our first book, Revolutionary Road, and will be meeting in cyberspace in early March via TweetChat.

I cannot remember the last time I posted twice in a weekend. Schmutzie, what have you done to me?!

Grace In Small Things, 3/365-ish

2009-01-24T22:59:00.000-08:00

Just as I expected, I end up thinking about these all day long. Not an altogether bad thing. So far, so good and I'm happy I've been able to make it three days in a row. If I keep it up, I might have to drop the "ish" part.

Hmm.

Maybe?

Naaaaah.

1. The feel of a baby's hand clenched around your finger.

2. Bubbles rising from the bottom of a champagne flute.

3. Hearing "Yesterday" come on the radio and being swamped by memories of my grade-school crush.

4. Curling up in my favorite chair with the luxurious faux fur throw.

5. That spark of excitement when you come up with a great Scrabble word.

Grace In Small Things, 2/365-ish

2009-01-23T23:49:00.000-08:00

I can tell you one thing about doing this project: It's going to be HARD. It's hard to sit here and try to think of things that make me feel good, that aren't too personal to share, don't sound too incredibly stupid (meaning I can actually come up with a way to articulate them), aren't things I've read on someone else's list...you get the idea.

I'm hopeful that it will get easier in time. In other words, that I'll get the "GIST" of it all.

1. The flip of a spatula yielding a perfectly formed, perfectly browned pancake.

2. The feel of really fine silk resting against your skin.

3. The loveliest shade of purple in a shirt that fits you just right.

4. The scent of Earl Grey tea rising from my mug.

5. A slice of luscious pie in the lightest, flakiest of crusts.

Happy Blogoversary to Me!

2009-01-22T15:20:00.000-08:00

Today marks the fifth anniversary of One Ping Only. It's hard for me to believe that so much time has passed. Granted, one of those years was spent not actually posting. But I'm giving myself credit for coming back and reviving it because, frankly, if I hadn't taken the time, if I had forced it and resented it, the whole shebang probably would have gone belly-up.

The last year has been more rewarding because I've let myself do exactly what I want with it instead of worrying about what I "should" do or what anyone else thinks. Given all the angst I see other, "younger" bloggers going through, I think that's an accomplishment.

I do have some regrets about the year off, as I lost contact with a lot of good bloggers whose online lives I'd enjoyed being a part of during this blog's infancy. I've come to accept that as a part of the life cycle of not only blogging, but life itself. Or, at least, my life. I've mentioned before how I'm the kind of person who is very cyclical and I've come to accept that. Beating myself up about it doesn't change my nature, it just makes me feel bad about it and I'd like to be more positive than that.

Positivity is what my next project here on OPO is all about. A blogger I've gotten to know online in the past year is Schmutzie, who has a number of sites, the newest of which is Grace in Small Things.

Grace in Small Things is a daily reminder to take notice of the positive things we tend to overlook. Schmutzie stated that she started the site with the following intention: "Every day for 365 days, I will post a list of five things that have graced my life, either on that day or at any time in my life." You can read more about the how and why here.

I had been reading the posts on her blog listing her five things and I really liked the idea, but I didn't take the initiative to try it myself. One day I told her that I admired her doing her list every day, and that reading hers helps me remember to think about the things I would be writing about if I weren't too lazy. I'm not sure if she intended to shake me out of my lazy, but a short time later she invited me to be a part of the Grace in Small Things group.

I'm going to try to take up the challenge.

I know myself well enough to know that posting every day is going to be virtually impossible. But I also know that I'll be thinking about what I will post for it every day. That, to me, makes it 365-ish. And, hey, who knows? Maybe if the positivity needle starts to edge upward, I'll find that I want to post more often, even if it's just to share my list. Alternately, I may share some of them only over at the Grace in Small Things page if the mood strikes.

So today, on the fifth birthday of my little spot on the Internet, I'd like to present my first list, 1/365-ish. (If I had cake to share with you all, this is where I'd be passing it out, but keeping a corner piece with a big, lilac-colored flower on it for myself.)

1. The glint of light on the silver streaks shot through my mom's formerly dark hair.

2. The sight of my completely trusting, completely relaxed cat with all four legs in the air.

3. The feel of the raised letters on the cover of a new book beneath my fingers.

4. The tiniest bud poking out on a plant I thought would never bloom.

5. The sound of much-needed rain on the roof as I'm falling asleep.

If you would like to be a part of Grace in Small Things, too, please consider this your invitation. To make it a little easier, here's a button just for you:

Visit Grace in Small Things

More Than Just A Good Hair Day

2009-01-20T21:51:00.000-08:00

I was delighted to hear that some of you took the opportunity yesterday to do something giving and I really appreciated your comments. I had the day off from work in honor of the celebration of Martin Luther King, Jr.'s birthday, and while watching the midday news I was pleased to see that they focused on the national day of service and what people were doing for it. I had decided to do something new (for me) as my service to the community, and was inspired to choose it by a recent post from OHMommy at Classy Chaos Reviews.

Her post was interesting to me for a number of reasons, not the least of which was that it was a donation drive based on comments, much like mine. Her donation went to a local emergency shelter for women and their children who are affected by domestic violence. The review part of it was for the products that Suave had sent to her to compare to their more expensive counterparts. She "put Suavenomics to the test!" and I was sold; OHMommy knows from good personal care products. I'm totally trying their Humectant shampoo next time I need a new bottle. (Though I'm waiting for the free bottle coupon I signed up for to arrive in the mail -- one saves money where one can so one can splurge where one wants!)

But, beauty product talk aside, what grabbed my attention was that she had immediately packaged up the more expensive brands that Suave had sent (for comparison), in order to donate them to that women's shelter. I've never worked with a shelter before in any way, so I didn't have an awareness of that kind of need. Of course, I kind of mentally slapped myself in the head after thinking about it because it seemed obvious.

Then, last week I received an email that mentioned a service activity by a local Planned Parenthood center for the new President's national day of service. They held a "Giving Back the Basics: Toiletries and Essentials Drive" for local women's shelters, where they were looking for donations of exactly the kind of things OHMommy had given.

Serendipity, I tell you.

Over the course of the weekend, I picked up as many items as I could from the personal care side of the list of suggested donations they provided, (those at least I know and am aware of what's a good value and what's not; the baby stuff, not so much) then dropped them off at the collection site. It was heartening to see how much stuff they were sorting through and organizing inside.

After I'd bought all of my items, my mother said she wished she had thought to give me the coupons out of the Sunday newspaper insert because there were a lot of them for those kinds of products. I mentally slapped myself (again) and assured her there would be a next time when they could be used.

That's when I had an idea. There are always a lot of coupons for personal care and baby care items in those inserts, and I think most of us -- if we clip coupons at all -- use only a fraction of them. Sometimes they're real money-savers, but only if they're items you actually use or you know someone else who can use them! So I plan to pull all those coupons out of the paper, plus the ones I get online but can rarely use, and start buying items on that list (including the baby ones!) with them. This will serve both as a means of getting the most for the donation dollar and as a reminder to collect these items and drop them off periodically. I call that a win-win.

The Year of Living Generously

2009-01-18T23:40:00.000-08:00

Thank you to those who gave me feedback about the causes and organizations you support and the ways in which you do so. Definitely food for thought.

I wrote those first two sentences three days ago. I've been struggling with where I want this post to go since then. I guess I'm still trying to figure out exactly what I want to do and balancing that with how I share it here.

The basic idea is that I'm making this year one where I give as much as possible, both in the sense of giving money and in giving my time, to good causes that I find. Being practical, it's going to be more about where I target my giving dollars and how frequently I'm going to give those dollars. While I will look for opportunities to volunteer and do more than give money, I know the limitations of my time and personal comfort zone, and it would be foolish to make a commitment I know I won't be able to keep.

My purpose is not "Here's what I did, aren't I great?" It's also not intended to be a laundry list of opportunities for others to give. Striking that balance between encouragement and details of actual actions, along with a modicum of accountability, is something I'm finding to be very challenging. I'm also leery of coming off like a patsy who's going to be handing out money for every sob story that comes my way. That's my cynical side coming out, I know, but it's hard to ignore.

While this was something I was thinking about a lot when the donation drive was going on, it brought into more focus by some posts I read at BlogHer, one of which surprised me by mentioning the donation drive. (How did that happen? I left a comment on the author's first post about charitable giving throughout the year, not just at the holidays. Amazing how that works, huh?) While they contain some interesting ideas, none of them sounded just right so I needed to consider how to make it work for me. Thus was born The Year of Living Generously.

I don't know how to talk about the things that inspire me to act, however, without it coming off like one big overshare of self-congratulatory largess. Telling you, "Hey, I gave $X so far this month," isn't meaningful in my opinion. Telling you, "These are the charitable organizations I think you should support, too," is somewhat condescending (and limiting, if that makes sense). I would like to help inspire others to act where they can, yes, but what I do and how I do it isn't necessarily what any of you would do.

So it looks like this is a work in progress. I've already started finding and acting on giving opportunities, and I've already blown past what I initially thought would be my monthly dollar cap. Another bit of balance I need to work on achieving, I suppose. :-)

There is one aspect of this endeavor that I'd like to initiate, and that's highlighting agencies, events and opportunities for giving that I want to share with you. The one I'm going to lead off with is one you've probably already heard about, since it's pretty high-profile, given that was initiated by this guy called (President-elect) Barack Obama. He has called for tomorrow, the U.S. holiday commemorating the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday, to be a day of service across the country. I think this is an excellent opportunity to do something that you've been thinking about doing, be it large or small. Whether it's getting that spare blanket out of your closet and dropping it off at the nearest HomeGoods store or walking across the street to take the garbage to the curb for a neighbor who has limited mobility, giving your time to a local soup kitchen or giving blood that's so desperately needed, make the effort to get out and do it.

You Know You Want To

2009-01-12T10:38:00.000-08:00

I've decided to take advantage of Delurking Day '09 to make a few comments about comments and lurkers. I know a little bit about both, although they are not nearly in proportion to each other on this site. The number of lurkers far outweighs the number of comments you see. There are some lurkers that I'm just dying to find out about and want to directly address, but I really don't want to alienate them because, hey, there's nothing wrong with lurking. But.

But, there's also nothing wrong with commenting, even if it's just to say, "Hey, I enjoyed reading this," even if you don't add, "...and the 25 other pages of your blog I viewed today and didn't comment on!"

I know that a lot...no, let me amend that..A LOT of people end up here via a Google search for the phrase "one ping only" from the quote in the movie "The Hunt for Red October" and that this is not really the page that they're looking for, at all. I can't apologize, because that's one of my favorite movies and it's not a mistake that I used that line here.

I also know that, recently, quite a number of people have ended up here via a new thing called AlphaInventions.com, which has been both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it's really nice to have new people stop by and see your site visit number rise because of it. A curse because not one of the people who has found me that way was inspired enough to say so much as, "Boo!" So that's a little frustrating. I have found a few blogs by it that I was intrigued about enough to bookmark or subscribe to them and go back from time to time. I try to make sure to let them know that I found them via AlphaInventions because I think it can be helpful to let people know where they're finding an audience. And since I know how much I enjoy comments from people, both those I know and those I do not know, I think it's a good way to reach out to newer bloggers.

And finally, I know that I can't be all things to all people, and that I have to write for myself (essentially) for me to enjoy doing it and want to continue. I value beyond measure the Internet friends I have, who I can count on to comment on my recent posts and let me know I'm not completely typing into the void here, and the people I know in person who stop by from time to time. I appreciate that what I often choose to ramble on about isn't necessarily enough to inspire people to add their own two cents -- the notable exception being the recent holiday donation drive that really brought people out in gratifying numbers -- but I hope that maybe once in a while you'll be willing to just say hello and that you enjoyed stopping by.

It's OK, the water is fine, c'mon in.

A Lot of Words, Followed by a Good Recipe

2009-01-02T23:48:00.000-08:00

I made, and ate, soup for dinner tonight.

That doesn't sound like much of a statement unless you know me pretty well. I believe a member of my family called it a miracle.

Among the plethora of things to eat that I do not like, soup is the one that people seem to feel is the oddest. I know that soup is like the ultimate comfort food for most people, it simply isn't for me. (For me, that would be mashed potatoes.)

It's not accurate to say that I don't like soup, period. I just don't like most broth-based soups, which is what the vast majority of soups I encounter tend to be. One exception to this is miso soup, which I do like on occasion. I love cream-based soups (like chowder or bisque) when they're good, but they can be so heavy and often poorly made in restaurants; making them at home can take a lot of time and effort that I'm usually not willing to give. Fruit and cold soups are good, but rare.

But today I was making a concerted effort to get through some email that had accumulated in my inbox, hitting the items that I skip over when I don't have time to indulge in the goodies they hold. One of them is the Food & Wine missives our local paper, the Mercury News, sends out each week. Generally, if the subject doesn't absolutely grab me, I end up glossing over it and eventually deleting it, unread.

This week's had an intriguing title, "Going for the goat." I figured it would be about goat cheese, but the lead article was actually about goat meat, which I have had only once (in Portugal) and did enjoy. Apparently it's getting a bit more popular. And no, the recipe I'm going to share does not have goat in it. Goat soup would be a broth soup, now, wouldn't it?

The recipe that finally got my attention was called simply Cheddar-Ale Soup. Normally, that wouldn't make me very excited, except maybe for the ale part. But last year I tried and loved an amazing soup at a fantastic little gem of a restaurant in Mariposa, CA, called Savoury's (if you ever go to Yosemite, you owe it to yourself to stop there for a meal - you won't regret it). I think the soup was called something like Wisconsin Tavern Cheese Soup and it was just out of this world. I looked everywhere for that recipe in the weeks that followed, to no avail. This recipe very closely approximates it and is so incredibly easy to make! Plus, it's from a book that's called Comfort Foods Made Healthy, so it's got that going for it.

Some notes on my experience making it: 1. The recipe makes a lot of soup, so I halved the recipe, and drank the other half of the bottle of beer (Sam Adams Irish Red, if you're wondering). 2. The store didn't have any of the pre-cooked diced potatoes, so I just diced some red potatoes and cooked them a little longer. I didn't peel the potatoes first because I figured I'd keep in the vitamins and such in there, but I do recommend peeling them. Once you mash the potatoes, the skins end up floating around in kind of an odd way. It didn't detract from the taste, but I think it would look better without them. 3. Because I can't eat red peppers, I finely diced one Roma tomato and used that as the garnish on top. 4. If you're a black pepper fan, you might want to put some on before you dive in. I can't stand the stuff, but the abovementioned family member said it made it even better.

I hope if you try it, you'll come back and let me know what you think. I know I'll be making this again, which will maybe save me from being the weird one in the winter.

Wrapping up the Loose Ends

2008-12-28T23:57:00.000-08:00

At long last, now that many of you may have forgotten about it entirely, I can report on the final results of the giveaway portion of my Holiday Donation Drive. There was a bit of a delay because I didn't hear back from one of the first people picked so, once the time allotted had passed, I had my mom dip into the hat of names again.

I'm delighted to announce that Mom24 at 4everMom and Renee at Bearable Deals each won a $20 Starbucks gift card, which are headed out to them tomorrow in the mail. Also going out in the mail tomorrow is Toni-Lynn's gift card as the top referrer. Congratulations to each of them and many thanks for participating!

All I've received as a receipt from Second Harvest Food Bank is an email, so I don't really have anything to provide as evidence of my donation. Because, frankly, if anyone is skeptical about it, my copying the text of the email here won't offer much in the way of proof. I believe Second Harvest will send me something by snail mail eventually, so if anyone is truly suspicious of my sincerity in reporting to you that I made the donation, you can say so and I'll post what I get. But I know that I made it, I know that AmEx already processed the charge and I know that anyone who knows me will not doubt this.

I want to remind you that there are still a few days for you to make a donation to your charity of choice in time for it to count in this tax year, if the tax deduction is important to you. (Personally, I don't itemize, so it doesn't matter.) As one person pointed out in the comments during the drive, many employers will match all or part of your charitable donations; this is an incredible way to make the most out of your donation dollars. My employers in the past have done this and I always took advantage of it. I currently don't have that benefit available to me, but if you do, I encourage you to look into it now if you never have before.

As the year draws to a close, I keep thinking, "What next?" More than one person has said to me during the course of this that they really identified with the dilemma I expressed in my initial post about the donation drive regarding knowing who to give to when there are so many worthy causes out there and so many opportunities for people looking to take advantage of the generosity of others and our innate desire to help.

I'd be curious to know what causes and groups and charities you think are worthwhile and how you support them. Is giving money the way to go, because agencies like Second Harvest can make so much good from so relatively little? Is volunteering better because you're giving your time? Does a combination of both suit you? How do you decide where to spend your time and money when it comes to helping others? So many questions, almost as many as there are needs out there. I hope you'll share your thoughts so we can have a discussion on where the giving goes from here.

One More for the Road...or Home

2008-12-27T19:58:00.001-08:00

Last week I took a break from the BFL because it was just too hectic to get my picks done in time for the Thursday night game. Because I didn't post my picks, I didn't have the chance to share with you that I was the Week 15 MVP. And because things were also hectic for Ms. Amy, I don't have a badge to put up for you, so you'll just have to take my word for it.

The Week 16 MVP was Instamom (and she's welcome, since my not participating practically, you know, handed the win to her). I believe that may make us tied for the most number of wins this season so this last week in the season is important to establish an über-MVP. Or not, if we both tank, I suppose. Anyway, here they are, one last time:

St. Louis @ Atlanta
New England @ Buffalo
Kansas City @ Cincinnati
Chicago @ Houston
NY Giants @ Minnesota
Carolina @ New Orleans
Cleveland @ Pittsburgh
Oakland @ Tampa Bay
Tennessee @ Indianapolis
Detroit @ Green Bay
Jacksonville @ Baltimore
Seattle @ Arizona
Washington @ San Francisco
Miami @ NY Jets
Dallas @ Philadelphia

Sunday Night Football
Denver @ San Diego
Total score tiebreaker: 42

I've also missed a couple weeks of game-day recipes, but I've got one for this week.

(photo by: Romulo Yanes for Gourmet at epicurious.com)

This Spinach and Cheese Strata is something I added to my Epicurious recipe box more than a year ago and haven't made yet. What I like about this is that it's simple, it will feed a number of people and you have to make it ahead of time, so then you can just stick it in the oven on game day at the end of the first quarter or so. I would probably make a few changes to it -- by using broccoli instead of spinach (because a certain brother doesn't care for spinach much) and adding some bacon (because, well, why wouldn't you?) -- as I see in the reviews that other people successfully altered the recipe to suit their tastes. Enjoy if you give it a try!

The Results of My Holiday Donation Drive

2008-12-21T23:56:00.000-08:00

Thank you so much to those who came to participate in my holiday donation drive. And a super big hand goes out to those who worked so hard to get other people to come comment. It was great to have so many new people stopping by and, of course, I would be delighted if some of you decided to come back every once in a while!

So, on to The Results. A total of 126 unique commenters were eligible for the giveaway drawing and 14 different people were tallied as having referred people to comment. Each referral got a separate chance for the Gold Card for each person they sent, for a total of 48 entries. Anymommy and Toni-Lynn were the superstar referrers, combined sending more than half of those people; I'm very grateful to them both.

I could have used a number randomizer to chose the giveaway potential winners, but that just seems so impersonal to me. I'm a "pick names out of a hat" kind of girl. And let me tell you, it takes a long time to cut out 174 little slips of paper! I actually got a hat and put the little slips of paper in, first for the gift cards and next for the referral Gold Card, and had my mom (an impartial party here if ever there were one) draw for us.

The two potential winners for the gift cards have both been notified by email tonight, and I will share their names here as soon as I hear back from them.

I can, however, share with you that the winner of the referral Gold Card was.....anymommy! It was a bit of a thrill to see her name on the little slip of paper that my mom handed me, because I know what a complete Starbucks nut she is.

But, I have to go outside the rules here a little at this point, for two reasons. First, as anymommy mentioned in her comment, while she lives in Washington state, at the moment she's in Saipan, in the Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands. In case you're wondering, it's a beautiful island in the middle of the Philippine Sea, a.k.a The Middle of Nowhere. There happen to be no Starbucks there, which I think could be seen as a small personal tragedy. So her Gold Card will have to wait until she's back home -- there's really no point in having a one-year membership that she won't be able to use for a couple of months yet.

Second, as I was cutting out all those strips of paper I kept seeing Toni-Lynn's name over and over again, and I just knew that if she wasn't selected she was going to have to get a card, too. That kind of effort has got to be rewarded! Congratulations to Toni-Lynn and anymommy and thank you again for your help.

So I'm happy to say that we have a total of four winners for the giveaway. Of course, the biggest winner, I hope, is Second Harvest Food Bank. There were 129 comments counted toward the donation -- I decided to add in the comments that came in after the official finish -- and because I like round numbers, let's call that $130.

You may have seen that there was a comment that offered to add a latte's worth of cash to the pot, which came from the girlfriend of my brother (known around here as B²W³ because he's the Best Brother in the Whole Wide World). Well, she just bought a rather expensive latte! I'm putting her down for $20 -- she can afford it and I'm sure B²W³ will kick in at least half of it. :-)

That makes a total of $150 that has been donated to Second Harvest of Santa Clara and San Mateo Counties in honor of all the commenters that came to take part. I have requested a receipt that I will post when I receive it, just to assuage any doubts (Mr. Garcia) that I really did do what I said I was going to do!

Thank you all again and I hope you have a wonderfully bright, festive, safe and enjoyable holiday time.

My Big Holiday Donation Drive, Now With Added Caffeine!

2008-12-12T18:00:00.000-08:00

It's that time of year when thoughts turn to holiday traditions; family, gifts, food and fun being chief among them. For most of us, that is.

I'm fortunate. I'm fortunate and I know it, and every day I'm thankful for it. And times like what people are going through right now, in the U.S. and elsewhere, make me feel both fortunate and impotent on a daily basis.

I give. I give often and freely, both as often and as freely as I can. I don't give to every person or group that asks, but I try to focus on the things I see as important. This is an impossible thing, of course, because our priorities shift and change as time and situations change, and what's important to me isn't necessarily important to someone else.

But there's a healthy degree of cynicism in me that I can't shake because it seems like nearly everyone has their hand out at one time or another for one cause or another, and I'm left wondering how we got to a point where there's such great need for so many things every single day and how many of them are people playing an angle and trying to make a buck. For the clearly legitimate causes, it seems like it's a never-ending well of need that just gets wider and wider.

I've had it hammered in to my head that I have to plan for my own future, so I can't justify simply handing over every spare dollar to every cause I encounter, even if my heart is telling me to do just that. In that mythical, perfect world, I could do just that and I'd know that there would be help for me when I needed it. However, we all know that we don't live in that world and it would be foolish to not look ahead to my own well-being and be judicious about balancing saving and giving.

But when I think about how many people are going hungry in a country that has so, so much, it makes me queasy. I know there are parents out there every day having to decide between feeding their families and paying their bills, and people who really don't know where their next meal is coming from, neither of which is something I've ever had to face. The older I've gotten, the more I appreciate how my mother was able to balance what should have been a comfortable income against life circumstances and make sure that we were never without, and probably even had more than we should have. There are too many people, and that number grows every day now, knowing that they're not going to make that balance happen.

As much as I like the Toys for Tots and Family Giving Tree programs (the latter of which I participate in every year and I think it's very important for the people they serve), it's the idea of people going hungry at a time when so many of us are buying expensive, indulgent things for each other that is getting to me the most this year.

To that end, I'm hoping you will help me determine the amount of money I'll be giving to the Second Harvest Food Bank this year, as a part of my company's holiday giving efforts. Inspired by something AmyInOhio did in October for Blog Action Day 2008, I'm asking for you to comment on this post and ask other people to do the same.

For every comment (one comment per person and verifiable email address) to this post made between now, December 12th at 6:00pm PT, and December 19th at 6:00pm PT, I will donate one dollar to Second Harvest Food Bank. It would be fantastic if you would tell us in your comment the state and/or country where you live.

To sweeten the deal, I will be giving away Starbucks $20 gift cards to some lucky commenters*; one card if there are 100 comments or fewer by the end of the period, two cards if there are more than 100 comments by the end of the period. If you guys blow the lid off of this and there are 200 or more comments by the 19th, I'll give away four cards. And if you get someone else to come here and leave a comment, telling me by name that you sent them, there will be an additional incentive. One commenter who has sent at least one other person come here to comment on this post (and they name you in their comment) will receive a Starbucks Gold Card membership in addition to a $20 gift card.

If anyone who wins a gift card so wishes, they can instead choose to have me add that amount of money to the Second Harvest Food Bank donation total.

So there's a chance here to give a lot of money to a good cause and get some freebies for yourself at the same time. With the advent of Twitter and the like, I know you can reach out to a lot of people, and I hope you will. Thank you in advance for spreading the word and doing some good. If you're curious how far the donation will go, check here. I'll plan to provide updates as we go along giving the progress of the donation total.

*The fine print (sorry): All comments must have a name and verifiable email address to be counted. The Starbucks gift cards can only be sent to commenters in North America. The Starbucks Gold Card can only be sent to a commenter in the U.S. Comments world-wide, however, will count toward the donation total. Anonymous or inappropriate comments will not be counted, either for the donation total or the giveaways, and will not be allowed. Comment are moderated so they may not show up immediately. All winners will be contacted by email, so a valid email address is required and you will have three days to reply with a regular mail address that must be in the area described above. Any international winners will be notified and given the chance to have the card amount added to the donation total in their honor. One person could win both the Gold Card + $20 gift card and one of the other $20 gift cards...which would make you the most popular kid in school. The maximum amount that will be donated by me for this post is $500.