Holiday Eavesdropping

"Guys don't buy clothes for other guys as gifts."
- A guy talking to his girlfriend, overheard at Target while Christmas shopping this weekend.

I never really thought about that, but I suppose it's true. Gentlemen? Is there a reason for this? Are there exceptions? Do tell!

Fear not!

The drive to post is still there, I haven't forgotten or fallen back into my malaise of non-posting days. No, it's just the upcoming holiday. The last several nights have been so occupied making this and wrapping that, that I just haven't been able to keep my eyes open long enough to be coherent. I would tell you in more detail what that has involved, but that would surely take some of the fun out of it for the intended recipients, so you're just going to have to wait...just like they do!

The good news is that I'm on vacation now through the New Year (and a few days into it) so hopefully there will be more hours in the day to accomplish the kinds of things that have been keeping me up too late.

Before I seek sanctuary in the comfort of my bed for the night, I wanted to share with you a story that caught my attention on the news today, which you may have already seen. It was revealed today that a woman "accidentally" put her month-old grandson through the x-ray machine at LAX this past Saturday. What can you say about something like that? One official claimed it "was was an innocent mistake by an obviously inexperienced traveler," while another (more accurately, in my opinion) said that "there's an obligation on the traveler to use some common sense." There's the crux of it, really, isn't it? People have abandoned common sense at the same rate that they've abandoned common courtesy in the last decade or so. Guess they're not really so "common" anymore.

Person of the Year: Me?

I'd like to thank the members of the editorial staff at Time who decided that my contribution to the Information Age via the Internet warranted naming me Person of the Year.

Wow. Didn't see that coming and I don't really have a speech prepared. But, in addition to the editors, I'd like to thank my mom (because I think it's required or something), the aforementioned five of you who still come around, and all the other people who used to stop by before I took a temporary powder. All those late nights of searching for synonyms for "neat" and "delicious" were totally worth it, in retrospect.

I would appreciate it if Bill Gates would take my calls now, seeing as how this is an honor we share that makes us part of a rather elite group. Well, it did until they invited the rest of you riffraff along for the ride.

Part of me wonders if they didn't cook this one up because there wasn't any single person worth honoring this year, while another part thinks they did it just to stir debate. Then the really cynical part of me pipes up to opine that they did it to sell more issues because we're a narcissistic society that won't be able to resist claiming a piece of the collaborative pie.

Damned if this isn't going to make me go out and actually pay for an issue of Time, though! That mirror on the cover could come in really handy for reapplying my lipstick before I'm interviewed by Oprah and Larry King.

My new favorite quote

Exercise is a dirty word. Every time I hear it, I wash my mouth out with chocolate. *
- Charles Schultz

*Seen on the wall at the Ethel M Chocolate Factory. Sadly, site of the least-best part of the trip. Heaven -- gorgeous, delicious, wonderful chocolate all around -- one minute, Hell --April's painful solo flight -- the next. The only silver lining (not counting all the chocolate that I had, fortunately, already purchased before the trip to the hospital): Las Vegas has just the nicest all-male paramedic team I've ever met!

Step One*

Admitting you have a problem. Wait, no, wrong set of steps. (From a staircase that, fortunately, I've never needed to climb.)

We need to talk. Or, more precisely, I need to talk. No talky, no bloggy, right? I guess the last several months have left me a bit mute, so to speak, and it may take me some time to find my Internet voice again.

Lucky for you, it will take me less time to develop that once more than it will ever take for me to develop my singing voice. Lucky for me, there are maybe only five people still coming here and asking me when I'm going to blog again so it's a small stage upon which I may stumble.

I don't really intend to go into the whys and wherefores of what has been keeping me from posting. It would be boring and pointless, from my perspective, so let's let bygones be bywent and just move forward.

Having something to actually say or talk about would be a really great follow-up to that sentiment, I bet. But I've got nothing. Tonight was more an exercise in babysteps; getting back into the habit of actually sitting here more than once a month and letting my fingers wreak what havoc they may. Someone sent me an article last week that initially stirred those twinges of interest in once again putting words to post, so perhaps I'll run with that next time.

Hmm, I'm actually looking forward to tuning in for that. On to Step Two...


*With apologies to The Fray. It's one of April's favorite songs and since she took me along to Vegas and that jump-started the whole return to blogging thing, it seemed only fitting. I would have expressed this apology yesterday, when it might have made more sense, but I went off on a tangent and forgot. We hoes tend to do that sometimes.

How to Save a Blog

How? Hang out with a bunch of really great poker bloggers, which is how I spent the last five days in fabulous Las Vegas. They so inspired me that I actually played poker at one of the casinos (on what I thought would be my last night there, but wasn't), something I had resisted doing the last trip, out of fear. I not only survived, but enjoyed it and felt pretty energized by it. Following that, I felt the only thing I could do was to revive the blog from its near-death experience.

And what do I find upon my return but someone dissing me in the comments of my last post. I've never been referred to as a garden implement before, and certainly not a hoe. I always thought of myself as more of a scythe, actually, but I suppose a case could be made.

Hey, smartass -- the article, which isn't even available anymore, wasn't about the burger or the establishment you referred to at all. If it had been about some Irish pub, I would have mentioned it. It was some golf or country club and it sure as hell didn't come with a bottle of champagne, or there would have been no post at all. Do a double-check on whose facts are skewed before you go name-calling around here next time...especially if you're going to misspell the insult.

Ah, it's good to be back.

It had better come with some killer fries...

Honestly, I should probably just change the name of this blog to "One Meal Only" or something like that. Most of the interesting things I find to post lately are about food.

Since a few months ago I introduced you to "Baseball's Best Burger," which appealed to no one, it's time for a follow-up. I now present "The $100 Burger," brought to you by some swanky resort in Florida, long recognized among cognoscenti as a bastion of burgerdom.

I guess rich people just can't find ways to spend their money fast enough. But, gee, they're giving a whole $10 a pop to Make-A-Wish. I wonder if a kid who makes a wish to eat at that restaurant would be allowed in? Hmmm.

Get your Pollock on

Hi kids. Thought I'd just go crazy and do yet another post in a mere week, as I found something that tickled me and it seemed like a good thing to share.

Check out this site and make like Jackson Pollock on your computer screen. It took me a few minutes to figure out how to change colors (left click), but once I did, I had a lot of fun splashing my "paint" around. A simple click on the refresh button gives you a fresh, clean "canvas" to torture with color.

I even printed out a couple of the results that I particularly liked (right click and select print), and they turned out pretty well. I may have used an entire cartridge of color toner, sure, but we all have to suffer for our art.

Signed prints will be available in the lobby.

Well, slap me twice and call me Sally!

I can hardly believe it myself, back here again in a mere day. But this news couldn't wait. Being the Krispy Kreme fan I am, I had to share what I just learned:

Friday, June 2nd is National Doughnut Day! Stop by your local participating Krispy Kreme and get a free Krispy Kreme doughnut of your choice!

How is that for an offer? No just hoping for a hot original glazed off the line, but a guaranteed freebie. The Web site says it's "to express [their] appreciation for [our] support." Given that I blog about them pretty much more than anything else, shouldn't I get two? Seems fair to me.

Anyway, if you go, please feel free to come back and share your tasty experience. One chocolate iced kreme filled coming up!

Hanging on to precedent by a skinny thread

Damn, where did May go?!? I had all sorts of paving-the-way-to-Hell kinds of intentions about posting over the last two weeks and here I am, squeaking in under the wire with a fairly flimsy effort.

The good news: My confusion over the asparagus/artichoke thing was brought to my attention.
The bad news: I haven't yet rectified the errors.

The good news: I can now view and upload the pictures from the asparagus festival.
The bad news: Duh. Do you see any pictures down there yet? No, I didn't think so.

The good news: I have since also gone to the artichoke festival to compare and contrast.
The bad news: I haven't yet written about it.

The good news: There is, thus far, no word of an aardvark festival.
The better news: I'm out of good and bad news to bore you with here.

Here's hoping June is a more fruitful month! Now, where did I put the info on the strawberry festival...?

"What do you think of a person who only does the bare minimum?"

Well, if I'm going to manage even the stingy minimum of at least one post a month, I suppose I'd better get off my ass. Let's see, let's see, what's worth talking about?

Last weekend I went to the Stockton Artichoke Festival, after winning some free entrance tickets. Can't say as I ever thought of Stockton as a hotbed of artichoke activity...well, can't really say I ever think about Stockton much at all, actually...and I believe the truth is that it isn't. While I did sample two of the festival's "specialties," asparagus beer, modeled here by my dear brother,

[*sigh* Picture to be inserted as soon as I figure out why I can't get it off the SD card at the moment. Sorry.]

and deep fried asparagus,

[See above, dammit. I'm just not up to re-doing this whole thing tonight on some other topic.]

other than a few other asparagus-themed items, it was just like any other street festival I've ever been to in the past. So unless you're already in the area this time next year, I wouldn't suggest making a special trip. Make a nice side of grilled asparagus on your barbeque at home instead.

Moving on to a completely different subject entirely, I came across an Internet video that really made me laugh. Now, it seems like I see a link to some "you won't believe this!" kind of video just about every day, and usually they're either too dumb, too violent, too long or too something for me to bother watching the whole thing. This video was the exception and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. (I suggest watching on a high-speed connection and watching all the way to the end because the typically dumb anchor chat is actually one of the funniest parts.)

To wrap things up, reader Chartra asked after my last post if someone could describe what a Krispy Kreme doughnut is. I may be slow, (uh...to respond, that is) but I'm nothing if not responsive to the curiosity of a reader! So I did some refresher research this weekend (yum!) and, Chartra, I'll do my best. I'm going to assume that you mean their "signature" and most well-known KK doughnut, the Original Glazed. It's a raised doughnut -- as opposed to a cake doughnut -- and is extremely light and airy, especially if you have one as most people believe you should, when they're hot off the line. When you bite into it, it's very sweet with just a little crisp to the evenly-browned exterior and a touch of oiliness. It collapses into almost nothing and sort of melts in your mouth. In other words: exactly what you would NOT expect anyone in their right mind to put a hamburger on. Hope that helps. If not, the next time you come across a Krispy Kreme shop and that "Hot!" light is on, wander on in. Most times, they'll hand you a free one and you can try it yourself.

America's Favorite Pastime - Assaulting the Palate?

Okay, I think it has been well-established over the last two years here (and I can hardly believe that almost that much time has passed...long absences notwithstanding) that I love food. I love food in all its forms: I love restaurants, fast and fine alike, I love cooking, I love food on TV, I love cooking shows on TV, I love talking about food, I love cookbooks and, oh yeah, I really love eating food.

It has also been well-established here that I love Krispy Kreme doughnuts. (There is proof to that effect, I just don't have time to go find the links. Do a search if you really want to read those posts. Sorry.)

But even I, a self-professed lover of food and Krispy Kreme in particular-- and a person not adverse to trying unusual combinations and preparations of food -- think that this, "Baseball's Best Burger," is just nuts. Who on Earth decided that a big, juicy, beef patty goes with an K.K. original glazed doughnut?!? And not only "goes" but goes so well that it could even be qualified as the "best?"

Your thoughts? Would you even give this one a whirl for the weird factor if you suddenly found yourself in Sauget, Illinois at a Gateway Grizzlies game this season? Apparently the Grizzlies want to know, too, because on their home page, there's a poll to take asking how many times you plan on having this delightful concoction!

Bon Appétit! Or not.

OPO - back from the (almost) dead

Happy New Year! Yeah, yeah, it's March already but it's my first post of the year, so there. I'll be back to explain (at least a little) my prolonged absence, but for the moment, this is for cbeck who so aptly pointed out that Finn was tired of that pose. This is how Finn feel about it all:


Okay, so that ice is finally broken. Be back sooner than I have been!