Person of the Year: Me?

I'd like to thank the members of the editorial staff at Time who decided that my contribution to the Information Age via the Internet warranted naming me Person of the Year.

Wow. Didn't see that coming and I don't really have a speech prepared. But, in addition to the editors, I'd like to thank my mom (because I think it's required or something), the aforementioned five of you who still come around, and all the other people who used to stop by before I took a temporary powder. All those late nights of searching for synonyms for "neat" and "delicious" were totally worth it, in retrospect.

I would appreciate it if Bill Gates would take my calls now, seeing as how this is an honor we share that makes us part of a rather elite group. Well, it did until they invited the rest of you riffraff along for the ride.

Part of me wonders if they didn't cook this one up because there wasn't any single person worth honoring this year, while another part thinks they did it just to stir debate. Then the really cynical part of me pipes up to opine that they did it to sell more issues because we're a narcissistic society that won't be able to resist claiming a piece of the collaborative pie.

Damned if this isn't going to make me go out and actually pay for an issue of Time, though! That mirror on the cover could come in really handy for reapplying my lipstick before I'm interviewed by Oprah and Larry King.