Hanging on to precedent by a skinny thread

Damn, where did May go?!? I had all sorts of paving-the-way-to-Hell kinds of intentions about posting over the last two weeks and here I am, squeaking in under the wire with a fairly flimsy effort.

The good news: My confusion over the asparagus/artichoke thing was brought to my attention.
The bad news: I haven't yet rectified the errors.

The good news: I can now view and upload the pictures from the asparagus festival.
The bad news: Duh. Do you see any pictures down there yet? No, I didn't think so.

The good news: I have since also gone to the artichoke festival to compare and contrast.
The bad news: I haven't yet written about it.

The good news: There is, thus far, no word of an aardvark festival.
The better news: I'm out of good and bad news to bore you with here.

Here's hoping June is a more fruitful month! Now, where did I put the info on the strawberry festival...?

"What do you think of a person who only does the bare minimum?"

Well, if I'm going to manage even the stingy minimum of at least one post a month, I suppose I'd better get off my ass. Let's see, let's see, what's worth talking about?

Last weekend I went to the Stockton Artichoke Festival, after winning some free entrance tickets. Can't say as I ever thought of Stockton as a hotbed of artichoke activity...well, can't really say I ever think about Stockton much at all, actually...and I believe the truth is that it isn't. While I did sample two of the festival's "specialties," asparagus beer, modeled here by my dear brother,

[*sigh* Picture to be inserted as soon as I figure out why I can't get it off the SD card at the moment. Sorry.]

and deep fried asparagus,

[See above, dammit. I'm just not up to re-doing this whole thing tonight on some other topic.]

other than a few other asparagus-themed items, it was just like any other street festival I've ever been to in the past. So unless you're already in the area this time next year, I wouldn't suggest making a special trip. Make a nice side of grilled asparagus on your barbeque at home instead.

Moving on to a completely different subject entirely, I came across an Internet video that really made me laugh. Now, it seems like I see a link to some "you won't believe this!" kind of video just about every day, and usually they're either too dumb, too violent, too long or too something for me to bother watching the whole thing. This video was the exception and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. (I suggest watching on a high-speed connection and watching all the way to the end because the typically dumb anchor chat is actually one of the funniest parts.)

To wrap things up, reader Chartra asked after my last post if someone could describe what a Krispy Kreme doughnut is. I may be slow, (uh...to respond, that is) but I'm nothing if not responsive to the curiosity of a reader! So I did some refresher research this weekend (yum!) and, Chartra, I'll do my best. I'm going to assume that you mean their "signature" and most well-known KK doughnut, the Original Glazed. It's a raised doughnut -- as opposed to a cake doughnut -- and is extremely light and airy, especially if you have one as most people believe you should, when they're hot off the line. When you bite into it, it's very sweet with just a little crisp to the evenly-browned exterior and a touch of oiliness. It collapses into almost nothing and sort of melts in your mouth. In other words: exactly what you would NOT expect anyone in their right mind to put a hamburger on. Hope that helps. If not, the next time you come across a Krispy Kreme shop and that "Hot!" light is on, wander on in. Most times, they'll hand you a free one and you can try it yourself.

America's Favorite Pastime - Assaulting the Palate?

Okay, I think it has been well-established over the last two years here (and I can hardly believe that almost that much time has passed...long absences notwithstanding) that I love food. I love food in all its forms: I love restaurants, fast and fine alike, I love cooking, I love food on TV, I love cooking shows on TV, I love talking about food, I love cookbooks and, oh yeah, I really love eating food.

It has also been well-established here that I love Krispy Kreme doughnuts. (There is proof to that effect, I just don't have time to go find the links. Do a search if you really want to read those posts. Sorry.)

But even I, a self-professed lover of food and Krispy Kreme in particular-- and a person not adverse to trying unusual combinations and preparations of food -- think that this, "Baseball's Best Burger," is just nuts. Who on Earth decided that a big, juicy, beef patty goes with an K.K. original glazed doughnut?!? And not only "goes" but goes so well that it could even be qualified as the "best?"

Your thoughts? Would you even give this one a whirl for the weird factor if you suddenly found yourself in Sauget, Illinois at a Gateway Grizzlies game this season? Apparently the Grizzlies want to know, too, because on their home page, there's a poll to take asking how many times you plan on having this delightful concoction!

Bon Appétit! Or not.

OPO - back from the (almost) dead

Happy New Year! Yeah, yeah, it's March already but it's my first post of the year, so there. I'll be back to explain (at least a little) my prolonged absence, but for the moment, this is for cbeck who so aptly pointed out that Finn was tired of that pose. This is how Finn feel about it all:


Okay, so that ice is finally broken. Be back sooner than I have been!

Is that a gun or are you just happy to see me post?

I had a chance to do something today that I've always wanted to do: Go to a shooting range. It was one of those things that I always knew I'd get around to eventually and, thanks to The Best Brother in the Whole Wide World, today was that day.

We went to Reed's, which I just learned when finding that link is the largest indoor range in the SF area. It was surprisingly low-key and, well...I guess the best word is normal; there was no "Soldier of Fortune" feel about it, which put me a lot more at ease, as did the guy behind the counter who looked more like someone I'd expect to be helping me at Micro Center than explaining how to load a revolver.

Anyone who knows me well might think that this was an odd thing for me to want to do because, as they have all seen, loud noises make me jump. A lot. And jump I did (especially since the only other guy on our side of the lanes when we started appeared to be firing a small cannon), but it was still fun. I ended up going back out to the counter to get a pair of earplugs to wear under my big, bulky ear cover thingies after the fourth jump and that helped.

I have a decent sense of aim, so it wasn't a terribly difficult thing to get the hang of doing. It was harder to remember all of the rules of the place -- rules that make sense and are absolutely necessary when dealing with items that could, you know, kill you or someone else -- but there were a lot of them. Judging by all the holes in the ceiling that were practically right overhead, a lot of people don't pay as much attention to those rules as I did! Once I had a grasp of the ettiquette, though, it was pretty much load, aim, fire and repeat. I gave the gun my brother had rented a whirl, which was a semi-automatic, but the recoil made my formerly broken shoulder ache a bit so I stuck with the .38 revolver they'd selected for me. It was fascinating to see the shells from his rounds go flying over his shoulder -- making me take a few more steps back behind the observation line -- and the flash from the barrels as they were fired by others, not to mention watching how people approached the whole process.

All in all, it was a very interesting experience and I'd definitely go back again. And probably on a Wednesday since that's "Lady's [sic] Night" and there's nothing I like more than a bargain, though I somehow doubt that I'll wear a dress when I go.








Don't get me wrong, I'm not running out tomorrow to join the NRA or get myself a gun or permit and I'm all in favor of the gun laws that are in place -- as a matter of fact I'm in favor of stronger ones. This was a very controlled environment that was about sport and (hopefully, eventually) skill, not violence or hunting or fear. If you want to know the truth, I looked at it like a slightly more expensive version of a bowling alley. You go, you rent the equipment and accoutrements, you rent a lane, you take aim and let it fly, you keep score (well, you can, I didn't), you laugh over your mistakes (like, I didn't really mean to put a hole in the ear of my target's silhouette), and when your time is up or you're tired you hand over your gear and your money, then you leave. Only there are no ugly shoes worn by hundreds of other people to give you the heebie-jeebies and no disco music.

A Christmas Eve Day's Nap

Wishing you and yours a very Merry Christmas from me and Finn, in sunny and not-very-wintery California!

Completely apropos of nothing

I am no longer a Red Bull virgin. Before today I had never even tried the stuff, one of maybe a handful of people in the world at this point, I figure.

The reason is fairly simple: when it first came out, there was no clue what kind of beverage it was. The commercials just told you it "gives you wings" and that wasn't much to go on. Then there was the name. Red Bull. Right away I thought it was some kind of tomato-based drink. Think Clamato crossed with "Rocky Mountain Oysters" and you have a pretty good idea of where I was at. Not terribly appealing.

Time passed and I heard it was actually an "energy drink." Cherry-red Gatorade-like stuff with carbonation, maybe? Mmm, nah.

More time passed and I learned that it was being used as a mixer in alcoholic beverages, and what I was hearing didn't sound like new-millenium Bloody Marys, so I warmed up to the idea, but never got enthusiastic enough to do anything about it.

About four months ago, maybe more, after talking with a friend who had also never tried it, I bought a single can of the sugar-free variety because it was on sale and I was starting to get curious.

That can sat in my fridge, nearly forgotten, until today.

Why today? Because, after two weeks of 9- to 12-hour workdays, it seemed like a good idea. (Those same workdays are also a large part of why there has been no posting, btw.)

Did it give me wings? Not exactly. But I have to say, it tasted pretty good after the initial shock of tartness, it was refreshing, and it certainly wasn't a bad experience. Well, unless you were in the car hearing me sing along, full volume, with the all-Christmas-music station for the next half hour, that is.

Red Bull effect? Who knows, but it certainly helped chase away any lingering workday blues.

OPO's Gift Guide - CB2 Much Good Stuff

Less than two weeks to Christmas and you're still looking for that fun, unique gift? I may have found just the place for you, with no time to lose. Go take a look at CB2, which is a new online offshoot of Crate & Barrel. It has all kinds of cool stuff, and much of it the kind of stuff I love, at really decent prices. If you're looking for that "Where on earth did you find this?" gift without spending a fortune, go check it out; there's still time to get it to you before the holidays.

Here are a few of my favorites:


Snatch - a fast-paced, Scrabble-like game that comes in its own tube for easy storage and travel, and that is very reasonably priced. The idea is that you build on already placed words in order to "snatch" your opponent's points.








Aluminium sports car - Already bought your man scale replicas of all the cars he loves but will never own? Try this sleek number that he can have on his desk and not be pigeonholed by just one kind of machine. It's universal and equally unattainable, but fun to play with when he's on an interminable conference call.






The SAT words shower curtain - Want to make sure your high schooler is out of the house and off to college in a few years? Consider putting this little beauty under the tree and watch their IQ zoom! Everyone knows people have their best ideas in the shower -- now their best ideas can use multisyllabic words.








Point it picture dictionary - This one is for the clueless but persistent world traveller. Really want a cold beer but don't know what the Polish word is for "beer" and you're stuck in Krakow? Whip this little beauty out and point at a tall, frosty one until someone takes pity on you and points you to the nearest bar...then walks away muttering about crazy Americans.



By the way, Santa, if you're reading this, I'm sure you already know that all I really want for Christmas is my very own Uglydoll, right?

From The "Someone has too much time on their hands" File

It's a very holiday-oriented entry for The File, but I think you'll agree that this endeavor (or endeavour for any so-inclined spellers), while impressive, definitely belongs in the category. You may need a high-speed connection to get the full effect. It puts me in the mood to go out and do some light display peeping this weekend.

OPO's Gift Guide - Roll out the holidays

Is your sweetie, sibling or dear friend someone who loves to bake? Then get this for him or her this holiday season and I think I can guarantee you'll be their new hero:













Of course, if that person is a "him" and a more traditional sort, he might be more comfortable with this version (or one of the other colors it comes in, available at Sur La Table or Domus. :




In case you can't tell, the barrel is covered in silicone, which is the thing in baking right now because nothing sticks to it. They have gone so mainstream they even have silicone baking pans in the grocery stores -- they're the floppy (usually red) ones that don't look like they'd stand up long enough to bake anything in, but they do.

How do you know if this is the right gift for the baker in your life? 1. Do they have a Silpat or similar silicone pad...or five? 2. Have they ever thrown, or threatened to throw, their regular rolling pin through the nearest window because their dough was sticking to it like glue? 3. Do they just love the latest in kitchen gadgets? If the answer to any or all of these is "yes" then you've got a winner.

Oh, and not to put too many options out there, but if your baker is a real pro (or thinks they are) and uses a French-style rolling pin, they've got those, too. There's even a scaled-down one for the junior baker.















Such choices! Give it to the right person and you could be "rolling" in delicious goodies in the New Year!

Something I am thankful for...a little late

This article is an extremely good example of why I don't fly over the holidays and I'm very glad that I don't have family scattered across the country (or world, for that matter) compelling me to do so. I'm sure something like that happens on a very small number of flights, but I sure as hell don't want to be on the "lucky" flight where some drunk idiot causes a ruckus like that. Because you know he'd be in my row, if not sitting right next to me, making me crazy.

I hope you all had a good holiday weekend, I know I did. My birthday and Thanksgiving were on the same day this year, and they were both wonderful and relaxing. The only really non-relaxing thing occurred on Friday night, when my food whore of a cat got into the (covered) leftover birthday cake I'd set out on the kitchen table and proceeded to eat all the remaining frosting flowers off of it! That was my piece, my flowers, damn it!! There were little chocolate kitty pawprints all over the table, at the scene of the crime as it were, and a hyperactive cat running around like he was being chased by demons until about midnight. Finn will eat anything he can get in his mouth, I tell you. I'm beginning to wonder if someone was doing experiments with canine genes in felines or something, because in so many ways he seems more dog than cat.

Anyway, I've been having connectivity issues at home and have been too busy to get around to calling my new cable Internet provider to find out what is wrong with it. So I haven't given up on the gift-giving guide, I just haven't been able to post the next installment yet. Anybody find any great buys over the weekend that they can actually comment on?

OPO's Holiday Gift-Giving Guide

It looks like I'm going to have to just hop in with both feet and submit myself to the whim of a market force more powerful than I: Halthankmas.

You may not be familiar with the term, but you know exactly what I'm talking about; the way Halloween candy and decorations appear in stores before kids even go back to school, then Thanksgiving cards and magazines touting strategies for preparing the big meal show up a few weeks before Halloween even hits, Christmas ornaments are in stores before you even buy your turkey, of course, and you're swept up in the flurry of day-after-Thanksgiving shopping. (And if you're not swept up in it, you're grousing about it.) It's Halthankmas season from the time that first pumpkin-shaped chocolate gets placed on a store shelf until the last roll of Santa wrapping paper sells for 90% off in the clearance bin.

Now Black Friday is almost upon is and it will not be denied. In our Internet-driven world, we also have Black Monday to add to the stable of Halthankmas milestones.

In the interest of making the next month slightly more interesting for me and (hopefully) slightly less insane for you, I'm planning to share with you those unusual, offbeat or just neat gift ideas that I come across while doing my own shopping, window or otherwise. As I am a big fan of the bargain, you can expect that they won't break the bank. And because I like spending other peoples' money even more than my own, please feel free to ask for suggestions on gifts for those hard-to-shop-for people on your list. I can't guarantee you'll rush out and buy/order what I come up with, but I can guarantee that I'll come up with something!

Since, let's face it, one of my favorite things in life is food -- especially from the essential chocolate food group -- it's fitting that my first tidbit relate to that. From Sur La Table, may I present a chocolate-covered strawberry glass ornament for your gift-giving consideration:




















How freaking cute is that? And, at under $10, it's a steal. Go forth and shop.

It's a housewarming for Finn! BYOC*

It took me a long time to find just the right cat tree to get for Finn -- I'm picky and it seemed that all of them were too short, too tall, too expensive, too chintzy, too ugly or just plain didn't have the features I wanted. Today I found the one that came closest to matching all my requirements. It's not perfect but he doesn't seem to mind. (All photos are courtesy of Ed.)




This is him checking out the new pad and gradually getting used to being up that high.

















This is the look I typically get from him when he's tired of me taking his picture.














Here he's checking out things below and
strangely reminding me of Batkitty.














It's a loooong way down to the bottom from up there.

















Hey, is that a mouse down there?















That Stefani chick ain't got nothing on Finn
when it comes to Luxurious.













What the hell are you doing down there?








He enjoyed exploring it so much that he didn't realize for a whole half hour that his dinner was out, which if you knew how ravenous and obsessive Finn is about his food you'd realize is quite extraordinary. It has been great for letting him get his ya-yas out and expending some of that excess kitty energy. Worth the money already!

*Bring your own catnip.

Hey! Where the hell have I been?

You know it has been too long since you blogged when your mom starts asking if you're "ever going to post again" and she only remembers to read it now and again. (You also know it has been too long when you hit "publish" instead of "preview" by accident, mid-way through your triumphant return post. Duh.)

I've been around, but mostly uninspired would be the best way to put it. There have also been the occasional Internet-related miscues that thwarted some attempts when I actually was in the mood to write. My living situation has changed somewhat, and there was a period of time when connectivity wasn't certain. During my "time off" I also took a week off from work and ended up being somewhere I couldn't get online. I didn't know such places still existed. They do.




















Dear cbeck (who posts even less frequently than I these days) enquired as to whether an earthquake had gotten me. Happily, no. Unhappily, however, it's about the only natural disaster left on FEMA's checklist, isn't it? The phrase "it's only a matter of time" has been on people's minds around here, I do believe.

Speaking of people around here, if you live in California, I have only one request/demand/plea/whatever-it-takes for you:
PLEASE GET OUT TOMORROW AND VOTE NO ACROSS THE BOARD IN THIS STUPID SPECIAL ELECTION ON THESE SHAMEFUL, WASTEFUL AND HARMFUL PROPOSITIONS!!!!!

Thank you. We will now return to our regularly scheduled catblogging.

There she is just a-churnin' up the Gulf

Anybody have any clue on what the hell the world has to do to catch a break for a few weeks? I don't know about you, but I'm frankly exhausted by it all and I'm approximately one earthquake/storm/mudslide/volcano/flood away from complete burnout.

Do you think that maybe, just maybe, if we're all nice to each other for the weekend -- you know, really put our hearts, minds and souls into it and spread some love, kindness and good cheer wherever we go, whatever we do, whoever we meet -- we could qualify for some kind of amnesty program?

All takers please report back on your progress on Monday and we'll see what happens.

Dumb Online Game Monday...a day late

I was just so tired last night that I couldn't even think about blogging. I like you people, but I likes my sleep even more.

This week's game is a lot easier than last week's game. It's a form of that old chestnut, the memory game "Concentration," using photos found on Flickr. It's called Memry, and when you click on the link it will ask you to "write a tag." I wasn't bright enough to click on the little blue "?" to figure out what they meant at first so I just pressed "play!" and let them select one for me.

The idea is you enter a keyword, like "flower" or "Denmark" or "Jane" or such, and it searches Flickr for photos that match that tag. You have to turn the photos over, two at a time, matching them into pairs. You can have a 4x4 grid or a 6x6 grid -- I suggest not going with 6x6 because the pictures are a lot harder to see and therefore match. It will count how many turns it takes you to complete each game; my average is 26. If you get sick of it, just click "finish" to skip to the end.

If you find a photo you particularly like or find...intriguing...you can click on it and it will take you to the original picture on Flickr. The matching them up part isn't all that unique, of course, but it's seeing what pictures will come up from the word you enter that makes it different. Some are easy to understand, others not so much. Plus, it underscores how many bad pictures people are willing to put out on the Internet.

Happy matching! (If anyone finds any particularly...intriguing...photos, feel free to leave a link in the comments.)

Wow!

How was that for a jump start?!? Yeah, that's what I thought, too. (I'm surprised that people seem to be having such a hard time with that game. I have a glidepoint instead of a mouse, so I wonder if that's the difference. Anyone doing well with it?)

The thing is, I keep ending up so uninspired each Tuesday by the current "Family Edition" of the Amazing Race that I'm disinclined to post about it and it bogs me down. I will say that TVgasm is doing a bang-up job of putting out some great recap posts about a less-than-stellar show, so I recommend that if you're strugging through this AR season, too, you go check them out instead of here each Wednesday. Don't miss GravityPhil™!

Let's see, what else. April and I went to see The Eagles on their California Tour on Monday, but she was more diligent in writing about it and covered it so well that I had little more to add. The only difference is that I don't dislike "The Boys of Summer" or "Smugglers Blues" as much as she does! And, as I said to someone who asked me about the concert, I was really impressed by the perfect balance they struck between sounding like the songs from the records and improvising and improving on them without interminable, overblown guitar solos and the like.

Aside from all that, the only interesting thing occupying my time is my dear Finn, and I promised that this wouldn't turn into catblogging central. But then, it has been a few weeks, so I guess it's safe. Caption, anyone?

Dumb Online Game Monday

Since I've been next-to-useless when it comes to blogging lately (no real reason, btw, just haven't had much to share), I decided it was time to come up with a new "feature" to jump start things.

We've all been forwarded dumb online games that, even though they're dumb, you just can't stop playing until you either master them or go insane. The golf one I mentioned in a post a while back comes to mind. In that spirit I present Balance the Baguette.

You just need to move your mouse back and forth in order to help Monsieur Boulanger keep his crusty baguette balanced on his pudgy little hand for as long as possible, while avoiding the croissants that are inexplicably dropping from above. (An angry Madame Boulanger wanting her shiftless man to get back to baking? A crazy neighbor complaining about the quality of his wares? Who freaking knows with the French?!?) If the baguette tips at a dangerous angle, Monsieur turns a very unhealthy shade of red to let you know he may drop the precious bread -- or have a brief heart attack. Mon Dieu!

The text is in French once you lose, but you should get the gist that it gives you your time and what your best time has been thus far. "Rejouer" is "Play again." Which I think, oui, you will want to do! My best time is in the low 30s and I'm sure many of you can beat that with one loaf tied behind your back.

Have you gotten a dumb online game you want to share and make everyone else waste time playing at work when they're supposed to be working on their TPS report? Send it to me at my Gmail account (not that one over at the right -- I never remember to check that one), which is moburns [at] Gmail [dot] com, for a future post.

Definition: Real Monday Blues

Being pragmatic when making the picks for your football pool and going against your two favorite teams, having both teams lose, and winning the week in the pool but feeling completely miserable that you guessed right.

With families like these, who needs enemies?

I really did plan to start off the season of Amazing Race: Family Edition with a recap, but then I read B-Side's "live blog" post of the premiere and realized that there is really no point.

Aside from not noticing that the guys manning the hot dog cart were the great team of Drew and Kevin from Season One of TAR (who, I might point out, the Best Brother in the Whole Wide World recognized immediately), he pretty much nailed it, from Phil's eyebrow in overdrive at the start to how heartbroken the little kids from the Black family (you know, the ones who are, well...black...and thus the only minority presence) were when they were eliminated.

But, not willing to let two hours' worth of notes go to waste, I'll hit on some highlights that stood out for me:

• The Brother and I each picked a team during the family intros that we thought would be the first ones out. He picked the Schroeder family, who came in fifth. I picked the Weaver family, who came in third. We apparently suck at first impressions.
• The team that came in first was the four sisters (whose last name I can't spell, let alone pronounce), who also earned the distinction of acquiring the most nicknames during the first episode: the "Desperate Housewives," "The Pink Ladies," and (more or less) "Team Silicone," from a catty comment another contestant made. If you look at their team photo in the link above, you can understand why eventually "The Pink Ladies" won out. They are from Illinois and have a very annoying accent. Oh, and they scream and squeal a lot.
• Other team nicknames bestowed either on the show or by us last night: Team Rugrats (the Gaghan family); The Sopranos (the Paolo family - we just couldn't resist that one, especially since the dad's name is Tony and he works in "waste management"); and The God Squad (the Weavers, who invoke his and Jesus' name just a whole lot too often).
• Most ridiculous quote: "Don't let the flag touch the water, honey. It's sacrilegious...or something." (From Mama Schroeder during the "Cross the Delaware River" task.) Last time I checked,the flag wasn't sacred nor was patriotism a religion...except in the red states, maybe.
• I learned a new saying from Mama Soprano: "About as down as a pregnant ant to the ground." This described how they felt when they knew they were falling behind. I don't know about you, but trying to visualize a pregnant ant just isn't working for me.
• This season we unveil a new Amazing Race recap feature: The Dude Count. Now, "dude" is an expression I would cheerfully eliminate from the American lexicon, so maybe it stands out more to me than the rest of you, but it was the clear choice after last night. The most blatant offenders are the Linz family, one of two all-sibling teams, three of whom are guys. This just isn't a "baby" crowd, so that count is out...for now.
  AR:FE Dude Count Episode 1 = 6. (This number may be an underrepresentation -- it took a while to emerge as my choice, and I was too tired to go back and rewatch the whole two hours!)

Who are you rooting for at this point? Rooting against? Thoughts on the whole "family style" thing?